All I can offer is my view from the other side - I’m Australian and have worked as a Nanny/Housekeeper for a few different families over a 4 year span.
I did my training with 4 mth old quads and a 2 year old, one month, live-out. That was interesting but hard work. More training with 6 mth old twins, 2 year old and 4 year old. We had a great time together. Of course, because I was a trainee, I didn’t get paid and all the family had to pay was an upfront fee.
When I moved away from home I worked 4 days a week with a 2year old girl, 4 and 6 year old boys. Also live-out but was treated like part of the family. The parents both worked - the mother was actually the head of the nanny college/agency that I had applied for work at. I babysat them on occasion for about 3 years after I finished working for them.
My next nanny job was fulltime, live-out for 2 and 8 year old boys. I was there for 12 months - the father was a geologist, sometimes home, sometimes travelling and the mother worked at the university. So both parents had quite high incomes and they wanted someone to look after their children, especially the youngest, in their home. The upside - meals during work hours provided, free petrol and I did my washing at their house because I didn’t have a washing machine at the time. The downside - around the 6 month mark the 8 year old started trying to make me seem like the Wicked Witch of the West. It became very uncomfortable. And I was only paid A$200 a week. That’s lower than the minimum wage and by the end of the year I’d had enough. They also decided at that time that the youngest, now 3, would benefit from being with other kids more often, in daycare.
General comments - I think sometimes the parents feel like they are being replaced, and the person you hire needs to understand that. The nanny/au pair needs to feel like part of the family in order to do a good job, but also not feel like they are taken for granted because they live-in.
I think if you can afford it, you should do it. Personal attention for your kids, peace of mind for you and your wife. Just be sure to take the time to find the person who fits your family.
When our youngest was just born, my wife worked as a math teacher at a nanny school, and also as housing director. All the nanny students stayed in neighborhood houses for room and board and a very small amount of money, and worked about 10 - 20 hours a week for it. At the end of the term there was a full time internship. So, we had lots of people living with us for 4 months at a time, and we got used to it. Pretty much all of them were pretty good. We had one au pair for the summer, from Minnesota, but she was an ice queen and my older daughter didn’t like her.
We had the only male nanny who passed through, and he was pretty good, except the first night he had dinner with us he was so nervous he put salad dressing on his spaghetti.
Very soon they become people, not strangers, and it is no problem. Make sure the nanny plays with your kids, not just sits them - though this won’t be that important for a while yet. I say go with it, since it is less disruptive than day care, and probably healthier for the kids, since they don’t get exposed to germs.
Take it to the pit if you need to get something off your chest, weenie. :wally
Tell us, do you have kids? Have YOU tried to get along in this economy with two kids on a single income? What if you both have secure, well-paying jobs and the cost of a nanny can be absorbed while still making money? What if at least one of those jobs gets a parent home at a reasonable time so there is a lot of quality parent time? What if it is none of your business?
I’ll tell you, Mr. Moto, my wife and I are considering a whole range of options, including one of us staying home with the children and renting the basement suite for extra cash, one of us working part-time and trading lodging for part-time child care one or two days a week, both of us working full time and subcontracting out the childcare, and trading both of the kids for $50 and a case of beer. We haven’t actually chosen one solution yet, and won’t for another month or so. Some of those options I am familiar enough with that I don’t need to ask anyones opinions, some not. So I am soliciting opinions specifically on peoples experiences with live-in help, not on whether a stay at home parent is better or worse than childcare. Your opinion was a little off topic, but polite enough that I’m glad you’re joining in the discussion. Freejooky was just completely out of line.
You’re behaving like a jerk, Freejooky. Your comment was unprovoked and inappropriate for this forum. Consider this a formal warning: either clean up your act or we’ll dispense with your company.
Have you considered a babysitter who comes to your house daily during the hours prescribed? There are always older ladies who are open to doing something like this.
I do have a question, whether or not you au pair/day care/ sitter comes in. What is your contingency plan if the kids get sick and you are at work? It is one thing to work through your child’s sniffles, but if it is something like puking or brochitis or something really unpleasant, you just gotta be there. IMHO. Kids are not just for dressing up and making the pretty. I am not accusing the OP of this at all.
Signed,
Shirley
[Hijack]
Who has a rather bitter taste in her mouth regarding a SIL who shites all over Shirley’s MIL to raise her four kids (5,2,2,not one) so the SIL can work/volunteer/socialize/churchy stuff and travel to their hearts content. Oh, and the MIL takes care of the sick kids too so mommy doesn’t have too, including doctor’s appointments. And pays her mother a pittance - like $125 a week and the MIL supplies the food, formula and diapers and clothes for these kids at her own house. Pardon me while I stick a knife in my eye.
Did I mention that on June 19th, the Ujest family is going on vacation with SIL and her 4 Perfect Kids and MOst Perfect Husband and the Inlaws ( AKA as the AU Pairs) to Disney? Look to see me on the CNN news ticker of a multiple family bloodbath in It’s a Small World exhibit. Please send me presents on Deathrow, m’kay.
Shirley we have considered having someone come over, but if we do need to find someone to provide childcare for more than 20 hours a week or so, having someone live with us is more intimate and familial. As to sick kids, if something happens to them, I tell my boss “gotta go” and I can be home in 5 to 10 minutes. We are both devoted parents and love our kids very much; we are just trying to strike a balance here.
As the dad of 18-month old twins myself, I confess to the occasional fantasy of trading them for beer as well.
In fact, I almost bought T-shirts for the kids that said “Daddy drinks because I cry.”
Good luck with your decision, Emilio. The best advice I can give is to look at the finances closely. Holding a job costs money as well as makes money, as we all know. When that is considered with your new expenses, a second income might be a money loser or a complete wash.
Mrs. Moto found the local Mothers of Multiples group to be a very good resource. Having twins is very different than having one baby, and any tips or specialized products you can pick up can really smooth the way.
Boy is that ever the truth. Several SAHMs in my daughter’s school have (platonic, I hope!) crushes on my husband, because he is one of the few dads who ever actually participates in school activities. He can do this because we both work and he doesn’t have to be SUPERBREADWINNER. I know for a fact that my kids may see less of me, but they see a heck of a lot more of their dad than a lot of their friends do. One of my daughter’s classmate’s mother once confided in me that she felt like a “a welfare mom” because she didn’t have a paying job, but she never saw her husband either.
Obviously this isn’t the case for all one-income families, but it happens. There really isn’t any single ideal. You do what works best for all the real people involved.
I can answer that question from our perspective. When the kid is sick, you go home and take care of the kid. I’m given a certain amount of leave time to use, and I use it. Same with my husband. We don’t get a big vacation every year, but that’s okay. We live in a vacation destination. I am also fortunate enough to have a job where most of my work is done independently, so no one is usually inconvenienced by me having to work at home for a day or two here and there. I just undock the laptop and work on the report in between administering puke bowls and Pedialyte.
I left the last part in because I can sympathize with that, too. The woman who took care of my kids when they were babies (and her two grandsons) was persuaded by her son and daughter to move closer to them so she could “retire.” Well, she now takes care of three grandchildren, for nothing, so her kids can pay off mortgages they can’t really afford. So, yes, there are bad reasons to use childcare, too.
