I, for one, wonder how in the hell my maxi pad can make me “happy” during this miserable time of the month. Does it time-release vodka into my system? Is there a voice chip to reassure me that I still look hot as I struggle to button my jeans over my bloated tummy? Did they install a little vibrating panel?
If it isn’t any of the above, then I call bullshit. Why not stick to the basics, Always? I think a better slogan would be “Always: Soaking Up Whatever You Squirt Out.” Or maybe “We Work Hard So You Don’t Have To…Throw Out Your Mattress.” Hell, “Better Than Caulk” would be preferable to that dreck.
I agree, but hasn’t the ‘feminine protection’ industry come a long way since the bad old days of coy euphemism. Perhaps not in the direction we’d want it to go, but a long way nonetheless.
Always pads give me a rash, but I sometimes buy them 'cause they’re cheap. So, they make me happy that: I didn’t pay more for them and I don’t have a rash the other 21 days of the month.
And why the hell can we not call the biggest size of tampon large? Huge? Gigundous? I don’t know about you, but ‘super’ is not an adjective I associate with the need for that product.
They should make one bigger than Super and call it Xtreme. They should put a picture of a woman on a motorcycle with a bottle of jack daniels in one hand and a big bar of Lindt 80% cocoa in the other on the pack. It’s saying “You menstruate like a woman, and you have real love of life and of choosing the largest possible option for your vagina. You’re just too busy livin’ to be changing a tampax more than once every 8 hours.”
I always kind of feel like that’s what Tampax is saying with their colour codes anyway. The slender is pink. The regular is yellow. By the time you’re up to Super or Super plus you get the ugly orange and green. I always look at the pretty little pink ones and think, “Fuck you, Tampax Slender. What are you trying to say?”
Oh, yes, that’s true. My parents has made that joke many many times with me in order to cheer me up whenever I get my period. “Oh, thank God!! You’re not pregnant! Bet that’ll break up those statistics on teenage pregnancy, huh?”
Let me tell you about my life, Always. Two weeks ago, I go to the doctor with abdominal pain and find out that I’ve got diverticulitis. This is treated with a two-week course of TWO antibiotics (which give me a constant foul taste in my mouth). Taking Cipro and Flagyl twice a day leads to a raging yeast infection just over one week later. I am in pain from this infection–I’m itchy, raw, and swollen–and before I can start treating it, lo and behold, I get my period. Now, I’m in the early stages of menopause, and if I actually have a period, it’s mild to moderate, needing little more than a couple of pads a day. This time, I’m going through six or seven a day. Cleaning up leaves me looking as though I’ve been slaughtering chickens, as I’m passing not only large amounts of blood, but numerous clots as well. My girly bits are on FIRE and I’m having to constantly abrade them just to remain sanitary. And I don’t even want to talk about how disgusting it is to try and apply the yeast medication under these circumstances.
Well, in my opinion we didn’t hit the promised TMI of the title until that last post.
Really. Abraded, clotty, yeast infected chicken-killin coochies on fire?
I can totally relate to what Chanteuse is speaking of! My hysto a few years back was one of the most wonderful events in my life! The pain and agony was worth it!
