Tampons Suck

Tampons can go fuck themselves up their tiny, absorbent asses!

I am a pad kind of girl. Unfortunately today I ran out and the machine in the bathroom here at the office only dispenses tampons. I hate tampons so much. I have always hated tampons, ever since that fateful day at summer camp when I was 10 and my period first showed up. I have tried various types of tampons, from the tiny “light days” to the giant “super absorbency” kind to no avail. I have tried inserting them while sitting, inserting them while standing with one foot propped up on the toilet, and inserting them while lying down with one leg in the air, none of which makes a difference. It always, always, always feels like I have a brillo pad shoved right up my hoo-ha.

Things that can/should be inside vaginas:

Things that might be okay to have inside vaginas in rare instances:
-Babies exiting the womb

Things that should never be inside vaginas:
-Brillo Pads
-Elmer’s Glue
-VHS tapes
-Anything else not on the first two lists

I recommend the DivaCup, although I am paranoid about leaks and so still use pads for backup. Tampons were always noticeable to me and just uncomfortable enough to annoy me.

-very small rocks

Preach it, sister!

I have tried tampons. I do not like them. I am tired of people reacting with surprised horror that I prefer pads on the rare occasions the subject comes up. Well, there must be a bunch of us out there since the pad industry continues to churn them out on a regular basis, right?

If they did, maybe I could get this damn period over with faster.

Did you try standing the tampoon on end and then jumping off your dresser and landing on it in a seated position?

Tampons are one of womankind’s greatest inventions. Seriously. Without them, I can go through a pad in literally five minutes. With a superplus and a pad, I can go a whole hour, sometimes two. Without tampons, I’d be confined to my house at least two days a month and unemployable.

BTW, if you can feel it when it’s in, it’s not in deep enough. They’re supposed to sit up when you have very few nerve endings.

I thought this was going to be about how the tampon will stay clean and pure, while yet still somehow leaking.

Pretty exhaustive “Do Not Insert” list you’ve got there.


If you do that you had better have perfect aim because otherwise the tampon could end up in your bum, and tampons are #3 on the list of things that shouldn’t go in your bum.

Yes! I’m a tampon person (well, actually a tampon-and-pad person) and this is the behavior that makes me really mad :mad: :mad: An uncomfortable tampon just needs to be reinserted / replaced, but the ones that decide to go on strike and not absorb anything are TOOLS OF SATAN!


I like tampons but I don’t trust them. Dunno why either, never had an issue. So I just don’t use them as much.

But I will say that there is a difference between cheap pads and Always. Cheap ones suck! Way less sticky stuff on back to hold it on. Feels plastic-y. Boo on cheap pads.

You ever try the Pearl tampons? Those are my favorite ones. Not brillo-like at all.

I’ve always hated Tampax for some reason. I could never feel comfortable with those things. Now o.b., on the other hand, I have no problem with at all, and I use those on days I don’t feel like messing with the Instead (if it’s too heavy, I don’t want to deal with cups).

I was having one of my **very bad periods ** while lying face down on the sofa with the television on one night a while back, maybe a year ago, when an advert for Tampax came on. There was some slogan about “upgrading”… to cardboard?

I’d like to add cardboard to the list of things that should not be inserted into vaginas. Or bums. I winced when they said “cardboard”, and I know I wanted to scream, but I think I just groaned into my pillow and wept a little. You know that South Park episode where Cartman eats all the skin off the chicken, and the kids come back to the table and Kenny starts to cry? Yeah, I sounded like that.

It sounds so dry and chafe-y. And cotton, when super sensitive at that time of the month, is already dry and chafe-y enough.

Cardboard, WTF?

I got my period in the mid 80s, during the whole Toxic Shock Syndrome scare. So, I never really got into using tampons, except on the rare occasion when I went swimming while on my period.

That said, my step-mother insisted my 16 year old use tampons while she was visiting, because it was so much more sanitary. My daughter had a hard time with them, and I told her when she got home she didn’t have to use them if she didn’t want to.

She doesn’t want to.

Are they really all that more sanitary? I mean, I like them for…ah…self-pleasure because it’s hard to get through all the cotton of pads. I tend to alternate, using Playtex gentle glide on my heavy to regular days and then just switch to smaller pads for the rest of it.

The tampon isn’t cardboard, it’s the applicator.

Prince Charles wanted to be a tampon. If it’s good enough for the British Royal family…

Ah… I was quite confused. I thought they had always made cardboard applicators, so I couldn’t figure out what the difference was.

Either way, I shouldn’t be listening to adverts, for tampons or otherwise, while suffering on a particularly heavy and painful period. It only makes me hate the world.

To be honest, a commercial for Hewbrew National hot dogs would probably have made me react in a similar fashion at that point.

Add hot dogs to list of things to never be inserted.

. Wait. What?
Do I even want to know?

Well, I don’t USE them for it. It’s just less messy and difficult to spank it when I’ve got a tampon in than when I’ve got a pad on, that’s all! I swear!