As soon as the last trick-or-treater went home, they cued that tape loop:
Andy Williams “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” Judy Garland “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” Burl Ives “Have a Jolly-Holly Christmas,” and, for you jaded sophisticates, Ertha Kitt “Santa Baby.” And on and on and on.
And lots of kids singing backup. Unlike a lot of people, I like living in kid-populated areas. I don’t mind it when they sceam and yell. But in their natural state, kids do not sing. Except when grown-ups make them. And on and on and on.
May I recommend A very scary Solstice. When you’ve listened to that a couple of times you will automatically replace the normal boring lyrics with the Cthulhu version.
It’s the Most Horrible Time of the Year
Have Yourself a Scary Little Solstice
I’m Dreaming of a Dead City
I love that CD it makes surviving Christmas a lot easier.
The only Christmas CD I’ll listen to. I’m going to try to sneak it onto our company stereo system this year. If I have to listen to Whitney Houston one more time, someone is going to get hurt.
There is a British pop song that is a complete ear worm called A Lonely Pup in a Christmas Shop, that makes all other ear worms bow down in prayer to it.
I haven’t heard any Christmas music yet … until now … bastards
Little kids singing backup are the worst thing, ever, to be forced to listen to in a shopping mall. Yes, even worse than Phil Collins, and for me that’s saying a lot.
There is no finer Christmas music than that found on Benny Grunch & The Bunch’s timeless classic, The 12 Yats of Christmas, which includes such timeless classics as O Little Town of Destrehan, Santa Put the Hurt on You, and Norris the Nocturnal Nutria.
You guys are behind the times. The pull cord spring on my lawn mower broke right around Labor Day, and when I went to Wallyworld to get a replacement, they’d pulled most of their lawn and garden stuff and were putting up the X-Mas crap. They didn’t have any pull cord springs, so I went to Lowes, they also had their X-Mas crap up, and they didn’t have pull cord springs, either. I’ve had to cut my lawn with the Weed Eater.
And you know what? I went to both Home Depot and Lowes looking for kerosene in early October and was told they don’t carry it yet because nobody would be firing up their kerosene heaters this early in the year.
You’re all forgetting “Winter Wonderland”. And the squirt of aural excrement that is “Let It Snow”.
Why does secular Christmas music suck so hard? There are stacks of old carols with lovely melodies, but stores never play them because 1. many are slow tunes and store music must be perky! and 2. they’re Christian, and if you play Christian music in a store some militant Zoroastrian temp will soon haul you up on a harassment suit. Somehow the puke-worthy “Little Drummer Boy” is allowed into the rotation sometimes, but never a “We Three Kings” or “Adeste Fideles” may be heard.
So we’re stuck with the secular tunes, and they’re lame even for pop music. Why? What is it about family gatherings and decorated trees and falling snow that cripples creativity? Is it all too wholesome, or what?
Actually, secular X-Mas music doesn’t suck too bad, when it’s parodying X-Mas music, but retailers don’t want that blaring all the time, since folks’ll quickly realize that X-Mas is a manufactured season, designed solely to seperate them from the contents of their wallets.
And if they’re going to play Adeste Fideles," they have to use the intsrumental version, since the English lyrics tend to make teenagers excitable and forget about things like shopping.
As long as we’re in the pit, I just want to say it’s a really disgusting state of affairs in this country when only two of the songs mentioned are actually in the public domain in the US.
(Not disgusted at you guys, disgust at Sonny Bono et al.)
We have it way, way, way worse. On top of the screaming idiots who wait until the day before the buy everything and act as though they were unaware that Christmas Eve may not be the best day to buy wrapping paper, we get 10 - 12 hours a day of nonstop Christmas music. My chain’s official rule is that the day after Thanksgiving, we switch to the Christmas station, for our 6 versions of Frosty, 5 Jingle Bells, a couple of really, really awful Deck the Hallses (including Mannheim Steamroller’s! Hooray! :mad: ), and of course shit like “So This is Christmas”, “Feed the World”, “I Saw Mommy…”, “Last Christmas”, and all the Bing and Fred and Judy you can shake a stick at.
The month that runs from Thanksgiving+1 until 12/26 is one I must steel myself for every year. I HATE this music.
Except Judy Garland’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. I can’t hate that or they’d take my queer card away.