I stay away from married women, but I was once briefly involved with a woman who was living with a man. We met at a party, and she was the one who suggested a rendezvous. (I’m not applying for sainthood. Obviously I went along with it, knowing that she had a live-in man.) We met for lunch a couple of days later, and she suggested making our next meeting at a hotel.
That seemed awfully “adult” to me, but I did it. I wasn’t real proud of myself; I never went back for seconds, and I have steered clear of that sort of situation ever since. The whole episode felt really sleazy to me. I would never have done it in the first place if her man had been a friend or even a friendly acquaintance. (We were introduced briefly at the party, but I didn’t know him otherwise.)
In my early twenties, when i was working as a barman in an English pub, i had a thing with one of my co-workers. She was engaged and living with her fiancee.
I’m not sure “relationship” is the right word for what we had. I owned a car, and she didn’t so i would give her a ride home after we closed the bar. One night, she had too much to drink, and jumped me in the car. Much to my surprise, i actually pushed her away, and told her that if she was still interested the following night, when she wasn’t drunk, then i’d be up for it.
The next night, she was sober and still wanted to get together, so we did.
It was basically just sex. We went out a couple of times, but mostly we just did it in the front (sometimes the back) seat of my car, usually in the street right outside the house where her fiancee was waiting. Pretty sordid, really. It went on for the next few months, until i moved away from the town to take on another job.
Someone I had been friends with for a while, plus an ever-growing crush, exchanged "I love you"s with me one night. He was still seeing someone. They broke up shortly after that, though he never told her about me, and the guy and I had a short-lived relationship (I want to say 4, 5 months?). So, should I have been surprised when he confessed to me that he’d fallen for another girl? Probably not. Though I am somewhat surprised that the two of THEM have been together for at least four years and are getting married some time soon.
I never much wanted anything to do with a man who wasn’t finished with old business. I’ve been in the position of the one who’s been cheated on and I couldn’t justify being party to that kind of a breach of trust in another relationship.
It’s a very complicated and long saga, but, yes, I have been the other woman. I didn’t know he was taken when we started dating, but I didn’t cut it off once I found out.
The first one may not count, as he “had permission” from his wife, but considering how easily he lied, that may have been said just to make me feel better. He was the first man I ever fell in love with, the first man I was really ever sexual with, and I told myself that because I wanted it, that made it okay. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was capable of committing a genuinely evil act.
The second one had been my friend for many months and had confided occasionally that Things Weren’t Good. Then he told me he was leaving her. I jumped the gun and got involved with him before it was final, only to learn the next week that he really didn’t have any intention of leaving and things were probably just fine.
Never again. I’d rather die alone and be eaten by scavengers than be a party to that.
Once, sort of. Like phouka’s case, she (definitely) “had permission” from her husband. I felt like an interloper but after about five months when her husband said to choose between him and me, she chose me.
During the period she had to spend a couple weeks in the hospital. Her husband and I tacitly arranged our visits so we weren’t there at the same time. Sometimes he’d bring their daughter, sometimes I would. I’m sure the nurses were all highly curious, but none of them asked.
Yes. Even though we both knew it would never work out in the long run it went on for three years. She finally broke it off to be with her husband, and they’re both very happy now.
Yes but I didn’t know it was an affair when it started and the marriage was well over at that point. Once I found out it was easier to let it die (the affair) a natural death than call it off.
It wasn’t ongoing, but a very drunken one-night stand two years ago with a man I knew had a long-term girlfriend. I left before he woke up and haven’t seen or spoken to him since.
I had a long, messy, and dramatic 2-year relationship with a guy who had a girlfriend of 5-6 years. It had a ridiculous ending as well - he broke up with his girlfriend and proposed to me, but later I found out (in a casual conversation with a mutual friend) that he hadn’t actually broken up with his girlfriend and they were still living together (I was out of the country by then). It was the proverbial straw, I suppose. He later wrote me begging me to give him another chance but even then he was still living with her. I’ve recently heard through our mutual friends that he confessed to his girlfriend his infidelities (although to what extent, no one knows) and that she forgave him. So we’re all living happily ever after, I suppose.
Well-put. When I was the other woman it started because I didn’t have much self-esteem and my self-esteem slid down further because of it. The guy in question had a GF, the other woman (me), and then numerous one-night stands as well, so I felt I was constantly “competing” for his attention.
I would never do it again. Wouldn’t want to do it to another woman, but also, I wouldn’t do it to myself.
In college, at least two times that I know of, and very possibly a couple more. They should really tell you when you graduate high school that long distance relationships with your high school bf/gf don’t work, and that you should break up on good terms the summer before you start, instead of having to tearfully confess your infidelity at Thanksgiving/Christmas/etc when you finally see them. I never felt especially bad about any of those.
I haven’t done anything of the sort since then, and I can’t imagine anything like that ending well when we’re talking about Real Life relationships instead of high school sweethearts. (Pre-emptive apologies to everyone who married their HS sweetheart…)
I’m taken now, anyways, probably permanently. By a girl that was still technically in a 3000-mile long distance relationship when I first kissed her, though she was just waiting to see him again to break it off in person rather than doing it over the phone or e-mail. So there’s that!
Yep. One night stand, caught in flagrante delicto. They later married. There’s no doubt that during several years of my life, I was a real piece of shit.
Twice, both times with women that were living with their boyfriends. At the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with what I was doing. I can’t even comprehend that now.
What’s funny was that I stayed friends with one of them even up through her breakup. She cried on my shoulder about how much it hurt when she found out he had cheated on her. And how could he get upset that she just didn’t have any interest in sex anymore?