Posters who are parents, have you ever at any time while raising your kids felt a pang of jealousy towards them? Middle and upper class kids today have a lot of things you probably didn’t have when you were growing up. Have there ever been times when you’ve been maybe a little jealous of your kids? They may have many opportunities that you could have never dreampt of in your youth. I’m not saying you acted on it but I’m sure some parents have felt this, however briefly.
Speaking as a child, not a parent, I can definitely tell you that there are times my father is jealous of me. He’s an extremely educated man, and spent his first 22 years in school and avoiding social outings so he could study. As soon as he got his Ph.D., he immediately entered the workforce, met a woman at some conference, and married her for 13 years (not my mother).
He’s told me he envies me for going out at nights, getting drunk, hanging out with ladies, and causing mischief. He never allowed himself to do that, and he feels like he missed out.
Speaking as a child, not a parent. I can definitely tell you there are times my mother is jealous of me.
My mother started a family very young and resents the friends and freedom that being kid-free brings.
This has decreased a lot in recent years as she’s get a degree and got rid of most of her kids. (They left home, she didn’t put em on eBay)
My kids are to young, ranging from 0 y o to 4 y o, but I will try to have reasons to be jealous of them some day. Otherwise I’d be miserably. - You can’t win, can you?
I’m not so much jealous of what they’re doing now, but envious of who they are. I think my childhood was actually a lot more fun and less stressful, but I think both my kids are pretty damn amazing people - much more amazing than I am.
Okay, one area I am jealous about is that they’re getting to go camping a lot and build huge bonfires and learn about healing plants and drum jams and experience the world as a tolerant place filled with beautiful people. I would have loved all that as a kid…there’s hasn’t been a day of my life I haven’t yearned for the experience of counter-culture community and wished that I was raised in that environment. I’m sure at least one of them will grow up into a Conservative Baptist Fundamentalist as a result, and curse me for being so “weird”, though! 
Jealous? No, not really. I admire them (ages 24, 21 and 21) for what they’ve been able to accomplish thus far, secure in the knowledge that they wouldn’t have made it without their mother and me.
Besides, all the opportunities they’ve had that I didn’t allow me to play the “When I was your age…” card with a perfectly straight face.
It’s kinda hard to be jealous of 3-yr-olds, so it’s not something I’ve felt lately. They do have really cool toys, but heck I just play with them when they’re in bed!
But I do remember once, when they were infants, asking my Mom if I was as pretty a newborn as my daughter (of course my Mom said yes, she’s a trooper). So I think it’s something I experienced right at the beginning.
Speaking as a child, sometimes I think my parents are. To be honest, I wouldn’t have minded already being where they were at my age, but at times I think they’re amazed (not sure if they’re jealous) of the sheer amount of stuff there is these days. Dad remembers when you went to college with maybe a record player and a typewriter. (I went to college with a computer, a portable CD player–2001 was a bit too early for MP3 players, a PS2, a VCR–my roommate supplied the TV, and lots of other stuff.) My folks helped move me into the rental house I’m in and Mom said to Dad “We didn’t have anywhere near this much when we married and moved into our own place.” It’s their doing, mostly–almost all my furniture, almost all of my dishes and some of the cooking gear, and most of the linens and the like came from them.
No, I don’t think so. They’re pretty young yet, so give me time…but while I think they are lucky to have certain things I didn’t (I guess mostly a creek to play in, really), I also think they’re missing out on some things I had. And I’m not particularly interested in re-living my childhood. I’m happy with my life now, too.
My parents aren’t jealous of me. I am currently jealous of them, since they are on a tour of Wales. I think they’re happy with me, but my mom can think of some improvements. Not that she would harangue me about them or anything; she’s not like that.
My mother spent a lot of her time being jealous of me. Her parents died really young and she struggled really hard to make ends meet, and go to college, (hurting people along the way too). When she looked at me, enjoying my youth and not being as fruitful as she was, her tone would grow very bitter.
I wouldn’t say I’m jealous, but I did feel a little pang of something when my 14 year-old bought $600 speakers for his computer, and all I could think was, “I couldn’t even get my own bike when I was a kid. I had to ride my brother’s. And man, that bar can really hurt.”
I have two young daughters that I adore and I can’t see being jealous of them for anything ever. If I wanted something they had, I would just do it too. However, my mother is an incredibly talented international speaker and author of two books. She was always jealous of me for plain intellectual smarts which doesn’t make much sense because she can address an audience of 2000 with 2 seconds notice and I could never do that. Even when I was a child she would play me at every game she could find from Trivial Pursuit to checkers and then get genuially mad when she couldn’t beat me.
Not jealous, but wistful. My 21 year old daughter is far more beautiful than I ever was, at every age. And she takes her gorgeous hair, amazing eyes and near-perfect skin for granted and will focus on the tiniest flaw. And the fact she is 6 inches shorter and 2 cup sizes shy of catching up to Mom hasn’t sat well with her. She questions why she had to inherit the short neck without the long legs.
Not in the least. My two sons are very successful, and I see them as having continued the generational movement upward. I am proud of their achievements, but never jealous.
I do feel sad that my grandson is growing up in a world of parental worry for his safety; the world was just as dangerous when I was a lad (and my sons too), but there is a heightened concern re kidnapping, eating paint, falling off roofs and so forth.
Each generation has its things to be desired, and those to be unwanted.
Point of order here. Wouldn’t envious be a better choice in this context? I’ve always restricted the use of the word “jealousy” to the emotional response felt when romantic/relationship boundaries are threatened.
You can be envious of your neighbor’s better house and new car and well-behaved kids, but you wouldn’t feel jealousy unless he started oogling your wife.
ok envious then.
Parent checking in. I’m 55 with children aged 30, 21 and 16. My answer to the OP is an immediate “of course, I’m jealous of aspects of my children’s lives.” For example, my 30 year old and her husband have a much nicer house than I do. They have good jobs and made sound, intelligent financial decisions in their youth. I didn’t. They deserve their lovely home. But I’m honest enough with myself to admit that I feel pangs of jealousy from time-to time. They’ve also been to Europe, something that’s still on my to-do list.
My middle child is a talented musician. I’m tone deaf. I’m jealous both of her skill and of the incredible joy she gets from it. Also, we’ve been able to provide her with the educational opportunities that will probably lead to an academic position. I would have liked to pursue my education but didn’t have a supportive family and didn’t choose to make the sacrifices I’d have had to make to continue beyond my undergrad degree. Jealous–yup.
I’m incredibly proud of the kids. And I’m proud of us as parents that we raised them to make the good choices that are leading to lifestyles and opportunities that we didn’t have.
I’m not bitter about these things. Some are luck of the draw. Some are the result of choices they made. I’m happy with my life and proud of me too–I wouldn’t trade my life for theirs.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m no more (or less) “jealous” of my children than I am “jealous” of other people in my life. There are aspects of almost anyone’s life that I look at and say “I wish I had that.”
My mother is a very cold woman. She doesn’t like to be touched. My daughter who is now 22 months old has been very independent since birth. In the last 6 months or so, she’s been a little cuddle bunny and I am loving it. It isn’t jealousy that I feel, just a sense of my own loss and knowing how much of a difference it will make to my daughter to know that her mom CAN hug her, cuddle her and hold her.
I can’t fathom my mother giving me what I give to my daughter. I just can’t see it. I also don’t have much evidence as an adult she ever could have. She doesn’t do well with need, and what is more needy than a newborn?
So it is more a sense of what I never had, and she’ll never not have. (Yeah! Baby hugs are the BEST!)
Nothing but pride. Nothing but pride!
I’m not a parent, but I understand Dad was jealous when myself and Middlebro got Engineering degrees; he’d given Engineering a try back when it had an entrance exam that could take years to pass and, after a bout of flu led to him finding himself completely lost in class, decided to stick to Accounting (in which he already had a degree).
He was never a ray of sunlight, but I don’t think that having your Dad half surprised "you did all that?" and half-grumpy at your thesis defense is anybody’s dream :rolleyes: