I’ve had a couple of them. Both were in my late teens and early 20’s when marriage potential isn’t exactly on the top of anyone’s agenda.
The first one ended because of the marriage question… his parents started dropping more and more hints about marriage, which I suppose was natural given that we’d been dating for four years by then. Still, til-death-do-us-part is a scary question when you’re just out of school and living paycheque-to-paycheque in a crummy basement apartment, and trying to sort out who you want to be when you grow up. We realised we both had a whole lot of living to do before settling down… but separately, and.
The second one ended after three years because, while he was a great guy to have a good time with and hang around with, a nice ass and a good sense of humour do not a lifelong partner make. At some point between 25 and 30, maturity, responsibility and financial stability need to make an appearance… I grew up, and he didn’t.
I had a “friends with benefits” relationship with in girl in college for… three years, off and on (mostly off). We both knew that the relationship was going nowhere, but if either of us wanted some quick nookie it was just a phone call away.
I had a couple relationships with women for anywhere between 15-30 months, and while the subject of marriage or “I’ll love you forever” never came up, I knew early on (within a month or 2) that I’d never marry either of them. I don’t know if that’s LT enough to qualify.
As far as I knew they were getting the same things out of the relationships that I was- companionship, good frequent sex, enjoyment of each others’ company, and it gave us each someone to do things with and go on vacations with. But each of the relationships were at times in my life when marriage would have been inconvenient anyway.
Sure. When I was younger, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to marry or not at all, but I had a couple of boyfriends who I liked enough to stay with longer-term, but really wouldn’t have wanted to commit to.
I’ve had a couple of friends who started wife and husband shopping as soon as they got out of college and married the first person they could stand for more than a couple of months. Unfortunately, that turned out to be each other. Given the amount they argue, there’s very little semblance of their original enjoyment of each other’s company. Also, going out as couples with them sucks - they fight like cats and dogs, even in public.
Sure, I was exclusive FWB with a woman 13 years my senior for a year-and-a-half. Absolutely the best relationship and best sex I’ve ever had in my life, hands down. We shared cars, food, each other’s homes, and pretty much everything else. Even though we never used anything other than the “friends-with-benefits” tag, we both knew how deep it went. I’m a complete jerk because I started feeling trapped and I knew I’d spend the rest of my life with her if I didn’t get out. I broke it off over the phone when she called one morning with no warning. Yeah, I’m a jerk.
I really wish I could start things up with her again, but I’m not sure they’d ever be the same. If she were to read this, she’d know it was about her.
I’ve had a few medium/long term FwB relationships that went longer than a year.
While I’m happily married now, I’m also in a LTR with a woman (we’re all polyamorous) and neither of us have any intention of making it any more serious than a clearly “secondary” relationship, if that counts.
