Have you ever had really delicious revenge?

In My Humble Opinion
41

You guys are lightweights.

To walk to Jr High, we had to go between two houses and follow a path over a very shallow stream through some minor woods to get to the sidewalk of a major street the Jr High was on. Either that or walk a half mile further. Well, the woman who lived in one of the houses we had to walk between would always give us the evil eye when we walked by her house. Every day.

One spring Friday night, we were out late and really bored and decided we’d get some revenge. So, we hit our respective garages. We came up with one of those lawn spreaders, some Kentucky Bluegrass Seed, some Turf Builder, some Weed and Dandelion Killer, and some Lawn Food. So we took that stuff on an expedition to this woman’s house. We mixed the stuff in the lawn spreader and got a nice tan/light grey mixture, and in big bold block letters on her lawn, facing her door, we wrote “FUCK YOU BITCH” with the mix. It was pretty visible.

Well, she wasn’t just going to leave the message there. So she made it go away by hosing it down. I thought that was the beauty part.

For the next two years, in really healthy grass, our message to her remained visible.

I did mention the Tale of the Sea Bat and the Captain’s Mast here before, haven’t I?

42

Revenge can be sweet, but Karma’s far sweeter. Particularly because you’re not compelled to feel guilty about the collateral damage.

43

I had a really bad boss many years ago. Sanctimonious, overbearing, and stupid. I suffered under him for two years. I finally left the job after he falsely accused me and some others of cheating on overtime hours. Without going into details, it was patently false and amounted to plain old harassment. Anyway, I had a real hate-on going for this guy.

A year later, I found out that his wife died of exposure near Death Valley. About six months after that, he and his son died in a plane crash (he was the pilot). Yeah, karma is a real bitch.

44

So, DID you know his secret? It’s a better story if you didn’t even know if there WAS a secret and just said “I know your secret…”.

45

Yeah, that’s one one. I heard the NPR episode too.

The country house bit was at the beginning, a separate incident of Diplomacy playing. The tournament where the actual diplomat was involved occurred later in the player’s life.

46

Two, both involving tailgaters and my wife. I. Hate. Tailgaters. I like my wife.

Something over thirty years ago (my oldest wasn’t born), we were driving back to Long Island from upstate NY. Had a nice day driving, picnicking and whatnot. Anyway, I’m driving 5-10 over, in the right lane and this guy starts some pretty extreme tailgating even though the passing lane is wide open for him to use. After a few miles of this, I told my wife to get out the leftover tube of liverwurst. Scooping it out of the casing, she molded it to a nice tennis ball size. I pulled over into the left lane, slowed down until he was right next to us and halfway out the passenger window, she winged a fastball strike directly on his driver side window. The look on his face before the splat was priceless. As he hit the brakes hard, I signaled, moved back into the right lane and resumed at the speed limit. I wanted him to have every chance to catch up, though we just saw his headlights receding behind us. I always wondered what he thought the substance actually was. :eek:

Twenty years ago, I was driving my youngest home, he was a few months old in a safety seat. My wife was following behind in her car, both in the right lane. A kid decides to get between us and get on my bumper. Normally, I’ll go out of my way to make a 'gater regret it, but not with a child in my car or theirs. My wife though, blew her stack and got next to him, cursing him out. He got scared and managed to get to the left lane in front of her and took off. As I turned off to go home, she waved to me and went right after him. He was so scared of this crazy woman chasing him he pulled into the local precinct just up the road, jumped out of his car and ran inside. She was right behind him and heard him babbling to the desk sergeant. At the same time she noticed the smell of alcohol on him, the officer asked him “you been drinking?” Umm… :smack:
When he asked my wife what was going on, she explained, he laughed, told her have a good night and proceeded to book the kid. :smiley:

Good times…

47

Karma has done a good job in my book. Pretty much any person who deliberately stuck it to me had a plate of it served back to them. I never wished ill on any of them but damn it’s funny when you find out about it.

I did have one that happened in real time. A car was riding my ass one night and I was already going over the speed limit. I knew the speed limit was reduced ahead of me so I wasn’t going to speed up. He then blows by me crossing a double line and then brakes hard to make a left turn. There wasn’t anybody coming the other way so there was really no reason to get back in my lane other than to make me brake hard.

The next car behind me was a police officer. Laughter ensued.

48

This is a story of pretty trivial revenge but given how well it fits with the thread title I’m going to relate it.

When I was I guess around 18 or 19 I was with a bunch of my college friends and the subject of discussion was chocolate cake and I happened to say that my mother’s chocolate cake was “the best”. Several of my female friends started teasing me mercilessly about how I was clearly some sort of mother’s boy for whom “Mummy’s cooking would always be best” etc etc. I made the mistake of denying this and saying that actually, no, my mother just made truly fantastic chocolate cake. Which of course just increased my tormentor’s laughter and teasing. It actually became a bit of a theme over coming months with “Mummy’s boy” jibes aimed at me on the thinnest pretext to the point where it was all beginning to get seriously old. And all based on a couple of comments about my mother’s chocolate cake.

So after a month or so of this, the same bunch of friends were having a picnic for which everyone was supposed to bring a food contribution. I saw my opportunity. Ordinarily, since I was and am actually not even close to being a mother’s boy I would have made something myself to bring along, but naturally I asked my mother to make one of her chocolate cakes. I can’t remember how I got her to make it for me: I think maybe I told her that I’d mentioned to my friends she made a good chocolate cake and so now they wanted to try it (which was perhaps a small white lie but not too far from the truth!).

I brought the cake along and made sure I put it on the table when no one was watching me so they wouldn’t know it was my contribution. Now did I mention that my mother makes a really good chocolate cake? Soon enough one of my young lady tormentors tried some. The next thing she’s telling everyone they have to try the chocolate cake, and they’re all hogging in and agreeing how good it is. I’d been standing back so no one would catch my eye and guess what was going on but I stepped up, at which point the conversation went something like this:

Suddenly, a pin drop could have been heard. I never got teased about the chocolate cake/mother’s boy thing again.

49

Any chance you remember well enough to find a link? I think I’d like to hear that story.

50

I heard it too. Googled it.

51

A long time ago, around age 22, I was driving home. I was on a main road and was going to turn left on a road that branches off at about a 45-degree angle. A short ways before the turn, I noticed three guys, about my age, on bicycles, riding in the same direction as me but on the wrong side of the road. They were riding against traffic. I had wondered if these three guys had the sense to stop at the road ahead where I was going to turn, so I slowed down more than usual while approaching the turn. The first one never stopped, so I hit the brakes, while he dumped his bike in front of me and slid in front of my car.

I got out to see if he were okay. He didn’t say much. He had some scrapes, but he seemed okay. He walked his bike across the road to the sidewalk and began looking it over. As I was getting back in my car, he said, “Fuck you asshole,” while another said something like, “Watch where the fuck you are going.”

Well, that pissed me off. It just happened that there was a cemetery along the side road I took that had little driveways in it that went from the side road back to the man road I had turned off. So I stepped on the gas a bit to the last cemetery entrance, and drove to the end just off the main road. Turns out the cyclists had not noticed what I had done. As they casually rode by, I said, “Were you talking to me back there?”

They seemed shocked and didn’t say anything until passing me when one of them flipped me off and said, “Fuck you, asshole.” They were on the road leading down the center of downtown, so I wasn’t about to chase them.

About an hour later, I went uptown to go to a store. When I got out of my car, guess who just happened to be riding their bicycles down the street? I picked out the loudmouth, grabbed his bike frame, and dumped him off it. I said, “Don’t ever flip off someone or run your mouth unless you are prepared to back it up. You just never know who you are fucking with. Now get up and get out of here.” The looks on their faces were priceless.

52

So, you were in an accident with a cyclist in which you were largely at fault, they mouthed off and later you committed criminal assault.

Is this a revenge story or just a story about road rage?

53

Thats what I always have heard too. The best way to drive someone you do not care about nuts is to be happy.

54

I wasn’t at fault. The cyclist was on the wrong side of the road. I used my directional, made a legal turn, and had the right of way. So, yes, I don’t like it when someone else does something stupid and blames me.

55

I sure hope it is BS.

56

Sometimes it goes full-circle though and it is hard to know where revenge starts and karma begins. I grew to hate my college roommate for the two years we lived together. We started out as fairly close friends at 18 but started to grow apart after he joined a fraternity but it was about as functional a relationship as you can have with someone in such close quarters for two years. However, he got to into some serious financial scandals with his fraternity and ended up in legal trouble for it. It was his grand idea to sell Ecstasy as a fundraiser and he somehow landed the whole organization in debt to the tune of over $100,000 and they had to sell the frat house to make cover the payments because he was the treasurer and the unapologetic culprit . They had to disband and got barred from university life. On top of all of that, he decided to be a complete dick to me at the end of our Sophomore year even though I had no involvement at all and tried to be a voice of support. We knew we weren’t living together anymore after that just because things became too strained.

Back in the ancient days (early 1990’s), electronic enrollment systems were a new thing and only required a PIN plus a few other pieces of information all of which were easily available to roommates. I quickly realized that you could exploit that weakness to cause some major damage to someone if you you just waited long enough. All it took was to wait until the last day of the drop period the next school year. If someone dropped all of their classes on the last day of eligibility, it disenrolled them from the university completely, destroyed all financial aid and caused a massive mess in general that was very hard to fix without going through huge bureaucratic turmoil.

Without admitting any guilt, let’s just say that somehow that happened to him in some way that I have no recollection or knowledge of. I heard it through the grapevine that such a turn in circumstances caused some major problems for him the next year. We passed each other on campus but never really spoke after that. Fast forward a few years, he became a lawyer for an oil company that was involved in one of the biggest scandals in recent U.S. history (of course he did because that was just the way he rolled).

However, a few years ago I wanted to contact him and patch things up because we did get along at one point and had some good memories together. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible because he committed suicide because of a brain tumor in his early 30’s. It gets worse than that too. His mother, who I always liked, followed it up with her suicide after losing her only child.

I don’t know if you call that karma, tragedy, bad luck or anything else but I felt like someone punched me in the stomach after another mutual friend that I regained contact with explained the details. I used to be a huge fan of true revenge and could be brutal about it. After I have gotten older and made plenty of mistakes myself, I find myself being unusually forgiving and kind unless there is an immediate threat to my family.

57

You turned left knowing there were vehicles to your left that would need to make an emergency stop to avoid you. That makes the accident your fault. Or, at the very least, it was a dangerous, utterly dick move by you.

58

You don’t know what you are talking about. I was travelling north on a main road. I was about to turn northwest on a side road. I made a mental note that three guys were riding on the wrong side of the road a bit prior to my turn. I slowed down more than usual because of that. I had the right of way. While making that turn, I noticed that they, quite stupidly, were crossing that side road without even checking the traffic situation. (I don’t recall if there was a car at the stop sign at the side road that had to delay their progress because of them.) I stopped. Idiot dumped his bicycle. Not my fault. Nonetheless, I got out to check on his condition and he was a wiseass.

I expect people to know the rules of the road. I was extra cautious due to them being on the wrong side of the road. Suppose I wasn’t making that turn and continued north on that road. Was I supposed to stop at each road and driveway in case they decided to cross without looking?

59

I don’t know about you but where I come from when turning you give way to all traffic. I suspected you would turn out to be thoroughly in the wrong and I was correct.

Even idiots don’t dump bicycles unless they are put in a position where they have to make a panic stop. Clearly, you created a dangerous situation by turning across someone so sharply they had to panic stop.

60

That was all? She *looked *at you, so you swore at her and vandalised her property?

Dude, she probably lived alone, and just looked out very day to make sure it was just the schoolkids passing by her house, and not anyone more suspicious sneaking around.