Revenge Realities

The “crazy-bitch” thread had me thinking about good, legal, non-violent ways for revenge when you’ve been scorned.

The best revenge I ever got was in college. I was dating a guy who, unbeknownst to me (although I had suspicions), was engaged. His fiancee was pregnant, too. I called him one afternoon and his mother picked up the phone. I had never been introduced to her or anything like that, so she was a little miffed that I was calling her son, him being engaged and all. She told me that he was over at his fiancee’s house! Hmph! Not only was I hurt at what he had been doing, but I was also a little indignant about the attitude his mom took with me - basically, that I was a little slut chasing her wonderful, faithful little boy. So, I packed up everything he had ever given me (cards, jewelry, stuff he had left at my house like t-shirts) and mailed them to his mom’s house, addressed to her. Never heard from any of them again.

Legal, non-violent, and VERY satisfying (even if I don’t know how it turned out).

Any other stories or ideas?

Legal and non-violent? Jeez, you must not realize just how much FUN revenge can be!

Read The Avenger’s Handbook for good ideas.

C3 - That’s great, nice job!

I only had one instance where the ‘revenge’ instinct was pretty tough to pass up. My marriage ended due to an infidelity and I was sorely tempted so many times to go after the guy. Not physically, although that was pretty tempting too, but to get back at him. He had a girlfriend, or so I was told, and of course he played my then wife with the “she doesn’t do this… she doesn’t do that… I’m so unhappy with her, it’s not like talking to you…” routine and it worked. Anyway, I wanted to get back at him - to make his life fall apart like I felt mine had.

I guess this makes me a boring poster to this thread but I never did do anything. I can’t claim some moral high-ground of not stooping to that level, for surely I thought of it, but in the end I just figured things work out in the end and I let it go. I have no idea if karma caught up with either one, and I really don’t care now. I’m too happy living my life…

Then again, one good shot across the jaw would have had a certain grim satisfaction to it… even if it would have been short lived. <ewg>

The Sleeper has AWAKEN!

Well, this was kind of minor, but it made ME feel good.

When a boyfriend and I broke up, he’d left maybe six pairs of pants hanging in my closet. I sat there humming merrily to myself, as I re-hemmed them so that one leg was two inches shorter than the other. He picked them up, and two weeks later I got a message on my answering machine: “VERY funny!”

Good for you Joe. The same thing happened to me. I wanted revenge for a long time but, in the end, it turned out that all I had to do was let go of my anger at the two of them to be satisfied.

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
when I said I’d like to smash every tooth in your head.

After a particularly bitter breakup I gave my ex the gift that just keeps on giving…

And no, it wasn’t some weird venerial disease.

Using the astounding database available to me through the newspaper I was working at at the time I put her name put on every mailing list for every charity, magazine, record club and wierd religion I could find on the web. No subscriptions or purchases mind you, just on the mailing lists.

I understand that the mailbox clogging junk followed her through three apartments (she couldn’t move without posting a change of address because of student loans) and that a group of scientologist actually payed her a visit.


When I was going through my divorce, my ex had the nerve to show up at a bar her knew I was going to be at (mutual friend’s had organized a birthday party get-together) with the chick he had cheated on me with.

He approached me as I was at the bar ordering a drink and told me that I should leave, as being there made his bimbo uncomfortable.

I calmly listened to his BS and ordered a pitcher of beer. He said, “Oh, I guess you aren’t leaving then,” and proceeded to say how desperate staying made me look, they were his friend’s originally anyway, etc.

I turned to him and said, “Oh, I am leaving,” and dumped the pitcher of beer over his head.


OK, you guys seem to be exactly what I need.

I mentioned in another thread that I was in a Murder Mystery this weekend. Here’s how it breaks down:

There are 5 actors, my sister, my self (nepotism in my favor? NEVER…), two 17 year old guys, and this fellow I will call…Tim. Tim is tons of fun, and we’ve done this murdery mystery together a couple of times before.

I went to high school with one of the waitresses at the inn where the mystery takes place. “Tim” and my sister made a bet about this particularly well-endowed waitress, specifically cup size. They claim that since I went to school with her, I should ask her. I refuse.

So the final night of the mystery (it is a weekend-long affair) my character is supposed to have just been married. I’m wearing this stunning sparkly cowl necked shirt in pink and a long skirt. My sister takes one look at me and tells me that my bra is too dark, that you can see it through the shirt. (this is back at my parent’s house, Murder Mystery headquarters.) It is the only one I have, so I am forced to borrow one of my sister’s, which is one size too small.

The mystery is set up so that the last night, the guests ask us questions directly about the mystery, ala: Bricker’s game. So they are listening to everything we say, in the hopes that we’ll accidently share too much info. I leave the room to go to the bathroom, and when I come back, one of the GUESTS says “Do you KNOW what they were talking about?” I said no. “Your BRA SIZE!” he proclaims proudly, thinking it was part of the play.

It was not. I am certain they were compairing my breasts to the waitress’s, because they all know my size because I had to borrow my sister’s bra, and they were still trying to settle their bet. However, it was more than a little embarrasing for me.

Unfortunately, it was the last mystery of the season. How do I get back at “Tim?” (he started it, admittedly.)I want public humiliation, but of a good natured kind. We are going to be doing another improvised show together, so there’s opportunity there. Any thoughts?

Inky, that was a great idea…I’ll have to store that away for later use, just in case.

SR, I have no idea. Do you write the lines for the mysteries? Do you have anything to do with assigning characters? Can you plant people in the audience?

Someone here on the board a looong time ago posted some of the more deliciously evil paybacks she’s done. I want to say it was Shadowfox, but my memory is hazy.

One of the more brilliant paybacks ( I thought) was place an ad in the paper saying that the person you are getting back at has two tickets to the hottest teeny-bopper concert in town. Put in the marks phone number.

I’m living so beyond my income that we may almost said to be living apart
-e e cummings

it’s all improvised, so there are no lines. Which works in my favor, I think.

But good idea about planting people in the audience. mwahhhaahhahhh!

Any other thoughts?

Just bumping this to get more revenge ideas. Come on, people, I KNOW you’re sadistic enough!

Okay… I’m ashamed of this one but I’ll share.

Back in school, my friends and I were all in the same music class. We hated it, and hated the teacher - just typical adolescent teenage rebellion stuff. The fact that her daughter was in the same class and received special treatment just made it even more hated.

Now, in hindsight, our response was in no way valid, acceptable, or even proportionate to having to actually learn about music…

One night, my friend and I used paint brushes to apply honey to the exterior of her car windows. We then plastered the windows with newspaper and applied another coat of honey. This was in the winter and by the time morning came around there wasn’t a ice-scraper strong enough to get this stuff off her windows…

Anyway, the sad part is now as a grown man I can really appreciate all that she taught during those classes and feel flat out horrible anytime I think about it…

The Sleeper has AWAKEN!

I have a friend who was so pissed off at an ex that she filled out every singe postcard from places like the Franklin Mint she could find in his name. He had about 25 boxes of knick-knacks in 6 to 8 weeks.

I told you not to be stupid, you moron.

This wasn’t revenge, but is a pretty harmless little prank (I think?) that my friends and I played as kids. There was a woman in our neighborhood with a REALLY ugly green fountain in her front yard. We put a whole bottle of shampoo in it at about 3:00 in the morning. By daybreak, there were suds everywhere.

You might want to try something like that, SwimmingRiddles. More of a harmless prank than revenge. But, I’m not really one of those practical jokers, so I don’t have a list of standards.

I probably shouldn’t tell this story seeing as how I am new here and how this could give you the wrong impression of who I am, but here goes anyway:

When I was 18 I dated this guy, David, for a few months. It was a pretty casual affair, but I was totally into him. We were about to go off to separate colleges in a few weeks and I thought I was falling in love, so I slept with him–one time–after weeks of pressure from him about it. As soon as it was over, and I do mean as soon, he said that I should leave and that I was a slut. (!!!)

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off. So, I waited a week or so and called him up. I told him I had just been to the doctor and that he had diagnosed me with a venereal disease and that he should go get checked out. I told him that I felt so bad that I might have given it to him that I would even pay for the visit to the doctor. He should just go as soon as possible. I also told him that since the disease would be in it’s very early stages, he would have to request lots of special tests…some of which the doctor might not know about. I told him, in fact, that the doctor would only see it if he put vinegar on his penis and so he should take a bottle with him on his visit.

David did all of that. Went to the doctor - requested special tests - asked the doctor to put vinegar on his penis, etc. Then he called me the next day and left me a message. I did not ever return his call. I went off to college the next week and didn’t think about it again. Until I saw him.

I was in line at the school dining hall when he walked up behind me and said “where’s my money”. It only took about a split second for me to regain my composure and say that I couldn’t believe he’d fallen for that. Then I walked away. At last glance, he was standing in line, holding his tray like an idiot, with his mouth hanging open.


ah. sweet revenge. and the pleasure of watching the light dawn on a moron’s face.

In Junior High School there was a kid on my bus who told everyone that I liked to have sex with sheep. Ludicrous and stupid, but high torture to a geeky, insecure 7-th grader. He used to follow me around making sheep noises…“baaaah…baaaah” just because he knew I wouldn’t do anything about it.

Several years later I had moved to a new school and thought I was rid of this kid. But, I just happened to win a raffle at a county-wide student gathering of some kind. So I walk up on stage to collect my prize, and out of the audience comes “baaaah…baaaaah”, and I look out and see the same horrible (think Scott Farcus from A Christmas Story) kid just beaming with delight. I’ve never felt so embarrassed.

I got my revenge during “senior week” after high school (most high school kids in Maryland go to Ocean City to celebrate after graduation). There is a Tram on the boardwalk that can take you from one end to the other. I was riding with some friends, and we had bought a huge tub of french fries and Big Gulp sodas. About halfway down the boardwalk I see…the same stupid guy (all grown up of course, but unmistakeably burned into my memory) walking with a group of friends right alongside the path of the tram. So, when we got up to where he was I dumped my entire 32oz. soda right in his face and shouted “fuck you, asshole!” as we rode by. He never knew what hit him, let alone who. My friends thought I was insane because they were unaware of the back story, but I was all smiles for a while.

Yeah, I know, dumb story…but given my mild-mannered nature it was pretty extreme!

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception”
–Groucho Marx

This is the kind of thread you open with a half-conscious expecation that you might see a confession of indictable behavior.

By the way, does anyone know where I can get quicklime?


Sometimes no revenge IS the best revenge.Case in point:

I was always smaller than everyone else in my class.We had a class bully that was like 15 in second grade.His name was Donald Lazorchak ::shudder::.He used to pick on me with no mercy!I moved from the area and was relieved to be done with him,although it frustrated me that I never got revenge.
25 years later I pulled into my parking lot at work and saw a truck with the sign “Donald Lazorchak Sr., Masons”.I walked into
the work area and asked if he was the Lazorchak that went to #7 school in Garfield in the mid 70’s.No,that’s the owners son…over there,they pointed in a muddy ditch.I walked over fully expecting to jump into the ditch and lay that bastard out.I looked down into the ditch and saw the baldest,scrawniest,dirtiest,most toothless specimen of a man I ever saw.I said “Donald”…he said “yeah,who are you?” I just walked away smiling…I knew he had gotten outta life what he had deserved!

My best friend, Tamira, dated this total ass in high school (I won’t even go into what he did, because it wasn’t just one thing, but he was a total ass). Once, after he disappeared for the weekend to go out with his ex-girlfriend, Tamira and I ripped gummi bears in half and covered his car with them (it was summer in Georgia, so his car was dripping in sugary colored syrup). He never figured out it was us, but he apoligized to Tamira and they got back together, then he did something else jack-assy a couple months later, so we covered his car with the halfed gummi bears again, only this time it was winter, so they stuck and no ice scraper could get them off. I think she dumped him for good after that.

“I was born in this town, I was raised in this town, and I’ll probably die in this town. Hell, I’ve already been hit by a car on this street, twice!”–if you recognize where this quote is from or who said it, please tell me.