Okay, in this thread, I explain how a friend of mine embarrassed me when I was attempting to talk to an attractive female. I need to pay him back. Now, I don’t want anything involving bodily injury, property damage, or anything like that. I just want something which will make him think before the next time he sticks his nose in where it shouldn’t be. I’ve already chewed his ass out, but I’m sure that won’t stick.
(P.S. I’ve told him to expect this, so its not like he hasn’t been warned.)
Ummm…the next time he asks you to set him up with someone, set him up with a hermaphrodite? He won’t ask you for a blind date anymore…
It really depends on how big this fella is. Could you tkae him? 'Cause my idea might start a fistfight.
Be cool. Let him forget you were ever mad. Keep going out with him, cruising for chicks. Wait until he is putting the make on some gal then dash up to him, kiss him full on the mouth, and say " There you are, my naughty boy! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!"
Should make an impression.
Well, there’s two potential problems with this:
I must admit, I’d pay real money to see that happen, though. 
Yeah it would! Although I don’t think I could manage the kissing part. I won’t have to worry about him fighting me. He doesn’t have the testicles to actually punch someone. Still, even with me just doing everything but the kissing, it’d be good. The problem is that he rarely talks to women with any interest in them. Still, I could do it when he’s talking to the hostess that he’s got the hots for.
Nah, just reach across and hold his hand when she’s taking your order.
Esprix
Better yet, excuse yourself from the table and have the waiter bring out a piece of cake with a candle and have the whole restaurant singing happy birthday to him. Then, ten minutes later after he thinks it is all over and done with, have a male stripper dressed as a cop to dance for him. Double whammy. 
Oh, that’s good. I bet he would be too shocked to pull away immediately and that would just add to the visual. This sounds like the way to go Tuckerfan. All my ideas are too nasty.
Either that or just be the customer from Hades the next time you’re at the restaurant. Order strange sides with your dish and send them back repeatedly. Then, while your buddy’s attention is diverted, slide a single penny under his plate and make sure that the waitress knows your pal is doing all of the tipping. Something along those lines will preserve your manhood and leave his in danger.
Some of these might just work! I should have mentioned that the place he likes to go is a Japanese hibachi (or whatever its called when they come out and cook your food right there at the table), and the gal he’s got the hots for doesn’t take our orders, she just seats us. The problem with doing all of these is that he drives (partly because my car’s in bad shape at the moment, but mostly because he’s paranoid about how other people drive, he drives under the speed limit because he’s worried that his speedometer might be off [brand new car] and he doesn’t want to get a ticket) and he’s liable to leave my ass there, which would be bad. Because the cab ride home would be about $90, and if I’m going to spend that kind of money on revenge, it’d better involve bodily injury or property damage. So if I do any of these, I’m gonna have to make sure its in his interest not to leave me behind. Perhaps a little blackmail added to the pot would keep him from bailing on me.
From the other thread, it didn’t sound like your buddy (who, by the way, is driving you everywhere right now) had any malice in queering your pitch with the cute CD girl. He was just clueless. So look, have him drive you to the CD store again, have your chat with the girl, and get over it already. Before we all decide he did the girl a favor.
Sheesh.
Finagle, sigh, read the up-date to my other post. And really, there’s no excuse for that kind of cluelessness, especially after I did explain to him exactly what he did wrong and he still didn’t understand! I also accept part of the blame as I do know the guy pretty well and should have known better than to expect him to exercise a modicum of commonsense. Still, I learn from my mistakes, and I naively assume that others will as well. In his case, that clearly doesn’t happen. (He’s never done anything this bad before, but he’s come close.)
And actually, Finagle, there probably was some unconscious malice on his part, now that I think about it. He can be very petty at times (long story, that I won’t repeat here).
Well, if you really want to get him back…buy a vibrating plastic vagina and ship it to his work, just his work address on the outside, no To: or Attn:. Inside fake an order form from some mail-order Adult-toy store with his name on it. Someone in the mail-dept or a manager will open it to see what it is, read the order form inside, and presto! Instant retaliation war.
OR, similar theme, but maybe a bit less damaging to his work health: Get a gay porn mag, leave it in the bag with the receipt. Go to that restaurant of the cute girl and make sure she serves you. Keep the bag in your back-pack or something, and pull it out and leave it by his chair when you leave (if he goes to the bathroom or to start the car or ??? while you say you’ll pay, leave it and go). She’ll find it and think it was his or both of yours, but the message will get across.
Or leave a ‘love note’ for her, with his name at the bottom. Make it ultra-gushy or heavily S&M oriented.
Anything else? I can think of a few more…
-T
ok here goes
[ul]
[li]Forward his mail somewhere he isn’t…Like alaska. The little change of address cards are easy.[/li][li]have a garage sale at his house. List it in the paper somehting like moving sale, everything must go! Big screen tv $300, Harley Sportster $1500, etc. List it for starting at 7 A.M., people will be in his yard at 5. Go buy and put up signs all around the neighborhood the night before. If he leaves his door unlocked, put a sign on his door saying come in.[/li][li]instead of the above, put and ad for those items, list it as day sleeper, call after 10. Most newspapers dont verify ads, and they will even send him the bill.(harley one works really well for this one. Put in something about owner finance)[/li][li]Sign him up for every piece of junk mail send in cards you can find in magazines and on the net. Subscribe him to same magaizines. Get creative[/li][li]Post his email addy in an several open news groups on usenet. Spam city.[/li][li]Put out personal ads in his honor.[/li][li]pepper spray the door knob on his house. He First time he goes to the bathroom, hes south of the border.(dont do this his car door handle, if he rubs his eyes while driving, it could be bad.[/li][li]Turn his water off at the curb, give him time to call the water dept. then turn it back on.[/li][li]Call up his favorite pizza delivery, yell and scream at them about a non-existant pizza order. Dont stop till you get him banned from ordering.[/li][li]pour a quart of oil out under his car(substitute tranny fluid, or antifreeze. He’ll think his car is screwed.[/li][li]In addition to other embarrasing things that people have suggested leaving behind with his name attached, Hyodermic needles are always good for ruinging a reputation[/li][li]Respond for him to the inmates requesting letters section of most biker rags. Make him female.[/li][li]Get ahold of some police line tape(the yellow stuff they put around crime scenes), tape off his front porch/yard, and put an official looking crime scene do not enter sign on his door. Maybe a chalk outline on his porch.[/li][li]I post some more later[/li]
[/ul]I have a bunch more, but most of them are considerably nastier, some are illegal, and I would get in trouble for posting them. I have a friend who is a former Green Beret, and is the grand master of all things revenge.
He once got a guy evicted(one of those things I cant post), fired(another of those things), and sent a picture of him and the guys girlfriend with the caption “does she do this for you?”. (the guy deserved it).
Forgot one.
Get a bunch of for sale signs, put his phone number on them, and post them on cars and other things all around the city. First he’ll get calls from interestd parts, then from the real owners.
bdgr, I just want to say that you are frighteningly good at this.
[sub]Makes mental note to never, ever flame bdgr…[/sub]
Why stoop to his level?
You should see the stuff I couldnt post.
Because its fun!
Revenge? Why, you need the Man in Black!
My vote goes to the hand-holding while she’s taking your order. Nobody gets hurt.