Revenge is Mine

My wife and I often spend time concocting ways to get even with people who have done us wrong. One of our favorites is finding the telephone number and/or address of our enemy and posting it, along with a solicitation (“Cheap sofas,” etc.) at a low-rent grocery store. Then, they will be bombarded with telephone calls and visitors at all hours of the day and night.

What are some of your methods to exact revenge?

Better yet…find any place that gives free estimates for anything at all. Call using your targets name and addy of course and set them all up to show up at the same time. find as many as you can. Don’t forget churches, they love to visit.
Lets not talk about liquid nails or dead fish or their phone box or super glue…

No, nothing harmful. Just annoying.

Would you not be annoyed to have 500 people show up at your door at 8 on a sat morning?

Bah! Telephones can be unplugged, or answered by machine. If you want to really bother someone, post notices around town for an early-morning garage sale at your mark’s address. You might even want to mention that there’ll be lots of nice furniture/electronics/jewelry to encourage more people to show up. Bargain seekers always show up waaaaay early, so if you advertise an 8 AM sale, they’ll start showing up at six, knocking on the door, blocking traffic, tramping all over the lawn, etc. Let 'em try to avoid THAT.

I like that one.

Another one we have is based upon the fact that we live in an apartment complex. We figure that we take a flier posted by the complex, copy the letterhead, use the same type that they use, and then post something like

  1. Free rent for the month of September

  2. The garage will be re-striped so no cars can be parked in it over the weekend.

Well, you get the picture.

Max, that is the FUNNIEST thing I ever heard!!!

OH MAN! [wipes eyes] I am gonna do that.

If you ever have occasion to want to exact revenge on a co-worker, simply sneak into his/her office.

Pop the “n” and “m” keys off his/her keyboard, and swap them. Unless they’re a touch-typist or very observant, they won’t notice.

It works even better if you are in with the “computer guy” at the office, because you can have them tell your victim that “Hmmmm. Do you have your ‘token ring’? No? Well, you’ll need to find it before we can fix this problem.”

Chuckle with evil glee as they look for it, and then when they complain that they can’t find it, tell them “Well, in that case, it’s probably fallen through the ‘terminator’ and gotten caught in the ‘ethernet’. We’ll have to get you a new one. No biggie, we can get one shipped from Japan in just under 12 weeks. How in the heck did you lose your ‘token ring’ anyway?”

Mwuahhahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

Lex, methinks you read too much “Dilbert.”

–Tim

Actually, the first part is from this month’s Maxim, and the second part is, you’re right of course, from Dilbert.

I don’t read it too much, (as though one could possibly read too much Dilbert!) it’s only that I have this damned eidetic memory, that takes audio/visual crap and records it like a damn VCR. Dilbert was on TV for a very short time, and I just about had an aneurysm when I saw that bit in animation. It was hilarious.

It’s a curse, really. :smiley:

I’ve actually gotten someone with the “Superglue on the toilet seat”. That was hilarious.

Another thing I liked doing was at a restroom in a fast food place, I put this stuff called “Liquid Nightmare” into the toilet. What this does is it turns water-based liquids into gel. Well, I had dumped enough of this powder into the toilet, and within the next 20 minutes someone had to crap…heheheeee…

If you know their pager number, every now and then page them to call some screwy number like a porn shop, funeral parlor, the non-emergency number of the police dept., etc. Most people will call whatever number shows up on their pager.
Make a couple of donations in their name to some local charities. Once your name get’s on a list they can drive you nuts calling for more money. March of Dimes and Purple Heart are good ones for this. Just mail in $5 to each under your enemies name.
Order a porn mag sent to their house. Once they get on that type of mailing list they’ll be bombarded with “sexually oriented ads”. Real sick shit, too.

Why, thank ya, Kells. Pondering revenge is kind of a hobby of mine.

One of the best ideas I’ve ever heard: a fella was mighty angry with a mark who lived in an area where water valves for houses were some distance from the house and set into little recesses, sort of like a mini-manhole. In the dead of night, the fella went to his mark’s house, shut off the water valve to the house, and filled the hole with Quickrete.

Quickrete has tons of fun revenge applications. Mad at someone who’ll be away from their car for a while? Build a jiffy-form around each tire and fill, removing the forms when dry (it’s funnier that way). Have access to the person’s house? Fill their toilet with Quickrete. You get the idea.

Sounds like you need “Getting Even: the complete book of revenge” by George Hayduke, If not to use, get it for a night full of laughter.
Hundreds of delightfully wicked ideas.

Ooops, mistake, the book is actually called :“Getting Even: the complete book of dirty tricks.”

I can’t believe no one hass thought of putting the victim’s email addy on every porn site on the Net. Sick stuff too, like animal, felching, S&M, torture. Oh, that’s funny. Gives you an excuse to look too :slight_smile:

There’s also a “Getting Even 2”. And actually, by a different publisher if I’m not mistaken, there are a half dozen or so other books by George Hayduke, all written in the same vein.

I have some of these books. Very interesting stuff. (Consider this a preemptive infomercial, in case I ever get into a blood feud). :stuck_out_tongue:

::decides it would be best to be nice to DRY for now::

In The Client, by John Grisham, the kid Mark called up pizza and Chinese takeout places and ordered lots of food and put it in the name of the police detective he didn’t like. The cop ended up getting charged for five hundred bucks’ worth of food. Of course, just a couple pizzas and plate lunches would suffice for annoyance purposes.

::leafs through Hayduke books::

“Hmm…how to deal with scary female cyberstalkers who can’t take no for an answer…”

:smiley:

Oh, don’t you WISH!