Passive/Agressive revenge -- It's oh-so-sweet!

The BBQ Pit
1

Act 1 of 3
I’m driving home one day and I’m on a two-lane freeway. I get in the passing lane to pass a slower car ahead of me. As I’m passing the slower car to my right, this car comes RIPPING down the highway behind me. I’m telling ya, folks, I wouldn’t have tried to pass if I had seen this maniac coming. Well, now I’ve got this woman riding my ass like you wouldn’t believe for the whole 5 seconds it takes me to complete my pass. I know the rules, and so I as soon as it’s safe, I complete the pass, signal, and change lanes back into the slow lane. As I’m going back into the slow lane, Ms. Maniac hits turbo boost and I thought I was a goner. She came SO CLOSE to tagging the driver’s side rear bumper of my truck that I swear we swapped paint. I mean, I was really shaken over that manuever.

The highway’s somewhat crowded up ahead as I cruise along and I see this lady swerving and weaving in between all the cars to get ahead of everyone. She’s cutting people off and tailgating in a really, really unsafe manner.

Well, well, well… because of traffic and lights and lanes moving faster than others, we end up next to each other at a nearby light. I get a good look at her and her car, but don’t do anything overt. The light changes, we drive off, and she cuts me off royally (to the point where I have to slam on my brakes). I’m really pissed now. This lady’s a menace.

Well, lo and behold, as I drive into my neighborhood, I see her getting out of her car that’s parked in her driveway. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

Act 2 of 3
Apparently, The Maniac and I have similar schedules–I see her several times during the next few months. She’s always driving really fast and really agressive… doing the cutting off and tailgating thing to me again while I’m in the slow lane. Friggin’ Maniac! I fantasize the multitude of things I would love to do to her car. I don’t do anything. My threshold has not been reached.

Act 3 of 3
I park at the local grocery store. Walking towards the doors on the other side of the main driveway, I let a couple of cars cruise on through, then make my move to proceed into the store. There’s a car coming down the parking lot, but it’s pretty far off, they have to see me, and besides, I can probably cross to the store before it gets here. Except that it starts speeding up. I’m crossing the parking lot and it doesn’t look like it’s gonna slow. But I’m committed now and keep crossing. Oh, oh, it looks like this sucker’s not gonna stop. Scrrreeeechhhh! Stop it does, and guess who’s behind the wheel yelling at me that they’re gonna miss the green light at the parking lot exit? You got it.
Several people yelled at her as she drove away. I was too shaken to say anything. But the line had been crossed.

I took one of those Avery full page labels and used my word processor to type out the following bumpersticker:

HONK IF YOU THINK I DRIVE LIKE SHIT

I lovingly laminated it so that if it rained the ink wouldn’t run. I applied some cyranoalyte something-or-other superglue to the back so that it would stick real darned good. And I slapped that sucker to the back of her deathmobile in the middle of the night. It’s been a week. It’s still there.

Childish? Yes. Satisfying? HELL, yes! I hope they’re honking her ass all the way home each day.

Thanks for reading. How 'bout your tales of anonymous revenge?

2

applauds wildly

You are my new hero. No, I don’t have a story to share. I wish I was this tough. I hate assholes that drive like the road is some sort of PlayStation game.

3

fucking cool if you ask me. :slight_smile:

Right on man.

4

I swear that one of these days I’m gonna print up some 1-foot-square stickers that say “WAY TO PARK, ACE” with really gummy glue on the back. Those shall be for slapping in the center of the windshield of people who don’t know how to freakin’ park (across multiple spaces, in fire lanes, blocking the parking lot, and the like).

5

WOW! Good going. I would never even think of that.

::takes notes::

Amazing!

6

Now, THAT is a satisfyling bit of revenge!

The only bit of anoymous revenge I can think of involves a pottery class.

To try to make it not too techincal, I took this class at a college, and they had lab hours all the damned time. So many of us would sort of camp out and crank out lots of pottery (and sell it in galleries, student sales, etc.) So we kind of had a lot of our stuff there. And for a lot of us, pottery was our life (it still is ;)) and we took our pottery, and our equipment, VERY seriously.

I had bought these special pressed wood boards (called “bats”) for using on the potter’s wheel to make plates, or other pottery pieces. They weren’t cheap, I had to special-order them, and I had my name on all of them. Also, they were not “Standard Issue” in the pottery lab, so anyone who came across them would have to know that they belonged to a particular student. They were not up for grabs for any student that came across them. I had these bats on “my” shelf area (we all had our own spot on the shelves) and I also had some in the pottery storage area, where everyone put their freshly-made pottery, so it could dry out a bit. And they had MY NAME ON THEM.

Anyway, apparently some other students were running out of pressed wood boards to use, and they went cruising for more “bats”. They would put their wet, freshly-thrown pottery on these wood boards, and put them in the special room, where the pots would dry out enough to be removed from the bats. Well, you guessed it. They STOLE MY bats. The ones with MY NAME on them. They even got to my shelf area and stole them from there.

So, when I found out about this, a friend and I went into the clay room and just yanked these peoples’ wet, sticky, fragile, freshly-thrown pots off of MY bats and slapped them down on the bare shelves. Effectively ruining their pots, and all their hard work. But screw them! The STOLE my property! And they had to know what they were doing when they stole it!

I never heard anything about what these theives said when they found their pots basically ruined. And believe me, they would be upset about it…it was an evening’s work wasted, and a lot of the students sold their pottery, so having some of it ruined would not make them happy.

7

Nice one, 'logia. Forgive me, but I have to relate a story of a similar nature.

I’m driving home and approaching an exit ramp that’s famous for backing up a bit in rush hour. (It’s an exit to get off one freeway so you can go turn at a light to get on another freeway because there is no interchange).

OK, I’m to be the last guy in line, and am keeping a safe distance from the slowing car in front of me. Pretty soon, we’re all going to be stopped, so there’s no rush. Idiot comes around me and darts into the gap in front of me–acting like a jerk and making me put on my brakes more so he can get ONE CAR ahead. Of course, the term “safe distance” has no meaning to Idiot. The word “dickhead” had no sooner formed in my mind, when traffic hits a snag and the guy in front of Idiot had to hit the brakes and sure enough–Idiot plows into the back of him. Broken glass and bent bumpers.

The smile and wave as I passed Idiot will always be a cherished memory as long as I live. I’m sorry for Innocent Driver, but his sacrifice was for the greater good of humanity. I hope he thought to complain of whiplash.

Sweet instant justice! My friends were jealous of me for getting to witness such a rare, but so-often-wished-for event.

8

I was being followed by a tailgater asshole on a four-lane expressway. This guy was right on my ass in the right lane in spite of the fact that the left lane was clear and he could’ve passed me at any time. Well, I made him sorry he didn’t. The road narrowed to two lanes, and at the same time the speed limit dropped from 55MPH to 35MPH, although most drivers keep it around 60. I didn’t. I took my foot off the accellerator, and downshifted from fifth gear to fourth to third to second. I wound up going around 25MPH. The guy went nuts, gesturing wildly and honking his horn. I signaled to turn left and pulled into the left turn lane. The guy passed me and flipped me off. When he did, I pulled back into the travel lane (the road was otherwise clear). He floored it, and I followed (not as closely as he had done). I followed him all the way to his (ramshackle) house and cased the street a couple times for good measure.

9

While parking my car next to a motorcycle shop, I can hear this guy revving this cycle incredibly loudly. Mind you, this is with all of my windows up! Sure enough, open the door to get out and this wall of annoying sound hits me. Hey, I’ve been to enough rock concerts to have deadened hearing, but this was painful to the extreme.

I’m walking across the street to the store I’m headed for and this jerk wit is still revving the crap out of this bike. Finally, he pulls out into the street and gets to the corner stop sign.

Just to show off, this rectal cavity guns it hard and pops a wheely turning the corner. Angular momentum combines with over-acceleration and voila, the fricking bike scoots out from under this submoron and skitters to a stop as the putz lands squarely on his ass.

You wanna talk gratifying? I almost creamed my jeans out of sheer pleasure. Nothing like an instant karma that hits while you’re still watching.

10

And we’re surprised when some people take their guns with them on the commute?

Right about now I have to embark on a drive across the city (during rush hour) to get to a meeting, I wonder how many of the people out there will have lost their fucking minds today?

11

wiping away tears of gratitude

That is beautiful.

Next step is to conspire to be near her on the freeway one day so you can hear how many cars DO honk. I’d volunteer, but I’d be laughing so hard I’d be weaving the auto all over the pavement.

12

These are great stories, thanks for the laughs. I haven’t done any myself, but a few of my friends are really creative.

One friend in college worked at a print store and was a huge Pro-Choice activist. He printed up yellow tilted sqare stickers that said, “Fascist on Board”. Whenever he saw a car with an anti-abortion sticker on it, he would stick the “Fascist on Board” sticker right next to it. Hilarious.

Another friend lived in a huge house with 5 other boys. The house was plagued with problems and the landlord (read: slumlord) did nothing to fix them. One night the boys went to the landlord’s house (read: mansion) and poured bleach on his lawn. They spelled out a huge letter K - the first letter of the landlord’s last name. That always makes me crack up - what a funny thing to write.

13

You guys rule.

Being a potter, the story about the bats hit home with me. (bastards) I had a revenge thing in the ceramics studio. I worked in the ceramics lab in college and the worst thing about the job was when the jerk off students would lose their tools in the slip barrels.

When I reclaimed the slip (which involved mixing the slop with dry clay) I would have to thrust my hands into the bucket, pull out a dripping, sloppy mess and huck it in the mixer. I would often be impaled by some fuckers pin tool.

I always wanted to find a tool with a name on it. That way, I could go up to the student and stab him/her with it - right through the hand. Just to see how much they appreciated it.

I never got the pleasure. :frowning: But, I do have one of the larges collections of clay working tools you could ever imagine. :slight_smile:

The bit of revenge that I did get was being able to ensure that students who acted in such a way as to cause me extra work had to wait longer for their work to get fired. Some of the more assholish ones waited a very long time.

14

HAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!

Aaah…nothing to add, except that you are one creative revenge-seeking missile. :smiley:

15

Many years ago, in the polarized world of “hippies” and “rednecks” of the sixties, I was hitchhiking across country. I got to Minnesota. I had been in the state for all of fifteen minutes, and had been let out at a fairly safe looking spot. The road was wide enough to let someone pull over safely, and I didn’t have to stand too far back to be off the road myself.

Along comes the local representative of the Minnesota Welcome Committee, driving a pick-up truck. He screams out something barely comprehensible regarding my employment status, and makes a gesture you would all recognize. I smiled and waved, shouted “Thanks!” (my standard reply to mindless insults from strangers, since it invariably pisses them off more than anything else you can say.) The guy goes ballistic. His face turns bright red, he screams even louder, and his gaze fixes on me with murderous rage. By the way, he is still driving, and is now past where I am standing.

While he is busy demonstrating his social skills, he drives off the road, and by overcorrecting in panic, manages to turn his right wheel perpendicular to the concrete ditch into which he has just driven. It snaps off his wheel. I fall to the ground laughing. A cop pulls up in half an instant. As I watch, mister friendly gets a ticket to round out his day! I didn’t even try to hitchhike away, but just sat there watching as the tow truck came, and towed his sorry ass into the sunset. Cheap entertainment, for me, anyway.

Tris

16

I love these stories !!! … stupid / obnoxious / bastardly people getting what is coming to them.

The quote above, however, crosses a line for me. My views on abortion are irrelevant. The other stories focused on the stupid actions (and often dangerous actions) coming back on them … sometimes karmically … sometimes enforced levels of karma (we all know who you agents of karma are … and we love you), but this is just a difference of opinion.

17

I’m with you on this one, Lazarus…it’s a matter of opinion, and this guy was defacing someone else’s property over a difference of opinion. Would it be so funny if a pro-lifer stuck a sticker on the pro-choicer’s car that said “(fill in derogatory term here) on Board”? Or if a Republican puts some derogatory sticker on a Democrat’s car? Because they had opposing political views? Why would this be considered funny, or deserved?

Dewt - ah! A fellow potter! I checked your profile, because you sound just like the lab tech we had at our pottery lab! (“Long-Suffering Mark”, we called him.) But Long-Suffering Mark is in L.A., and you’re not…

Mark dealt with all sorts of shit from students. Probably some from me as well, but in my case, it was done out of ignorance. But some students were inconsiderate shitheads. He unloaded to me once about the shitheads, especially this one student who was very bitchy and demanding. He said he always “just did his job” but never any more for her. She noticed that he treated her differently than some of the other students (like me.) She thought he was “out to get her”. Not so…he just didn’t want to deal with her any more than he had to. So he just did his job, nothing more, for her. But he would help students (like me) out a little more, provide little perks for us, because we respected him. (And believe me, pottery lab techs deserve A LOT of respect!)