Frequent suicide attempts and threats are often seen as manipulative but that doesn’t mean that they are. And, you only have to meet 5 of 9 criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, so it’s not like there aren’t exceptions to the rule.
I’m sorry you’re suffering so much, but DBT is the exact opposite of a crock of shit. It is the only treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder that has been clinically proven to work. It has been established in at least 7 randomized controlled trials, and several benchmark trials, it has been shown to work with multiple instances of comorbidity including substance abuse. You don’t have a better chance than that treatment. And the first phase takes at least one year, so your one month of intensive DBT doesn’t even begin to count as having tried it.
Also, hopefully another statistic to give you hope–Borderline Personality Disorder has one of the best prognoses out of all the Dxes. It usually runs its course in 10 years, and by age 50 90% of all diagnosed patients no longer qualify as Borderline.
You can’t afford to be skeptical on this. I have gathered this information in over 36 pieces of peer-reviewed literature on the topic of Borderline for a paper I recently wrote. I’m not shitting you. DBT works. If you truly want relief, it is your best possible course of action.
I frequently have suicidal thoughts, and have had them for a long time. Like many others here, it was my “way out” in case a situation got extremely bad. Made a few rather pathetic and fortunately unsuccessful attempts as a teenager. Then as an adult when my moods started going bonkers the thoughts became more “why the hell should I bother continuing to live”. I have a plan that I thought of a couple years ago, but since then I told my gf about it and promised her I wouldn’t do it.
It sounds like those who have never considered it are surprised that so many have and vice versa. I’m certain there is a lot of selection bias going on.
Some of you who have replied in this thread sound like you have it all planned out and are just waiting until “the time is right”. I’m worried.
When I was 16/17 I was emotional and depressvie like crazy. My plan was to down a few sleeping pills and take a nice long swim until I drowned. I’ve never told anyone about this before now.
When I talked to my OB/GYN about my antidepressant and pregnancy, he asked me if I thought I truly needed it. My response was something along the lines of “I’d be dead by now without it,” so he agreed that it was a much better idea to keep me on the Celexa than risk going without. FWIW, I even upped my dose while pregnant with baby #2. Again - cost/benefit analysis.
My family put the ‘fun’ in dysfunction, as they say.
My mother attempted when I was 13yrs. She was hospitalized as a result.
My brother succeeded 2yrs ago January. It still hurts.
I was a teenager when I considered it, I’d surrendered a daughter to adoption and many, many days I didn’t know if I’d make it to see another, or why I should.
Very true, and I had a similar conversation with my OB. In my case, I hadn’t been off the meds since I started taking them, and felt more or less fine, so I thought I’d give it a shot. It’s been mostly tolerable, but once every couple of months, I stumble into the pit. I’ve gotten very good at handling it and riding it out, but I make sure to let my husband know whenever this happens, so that I can get a outside opinion on whether I’m actually as okay as I think I am.
And he also asks regularly whether it’s getting worse, and whether I want to go back on the meds. Just knowing that’s an option helps me get through the rough times, in the same way that the idea of suicide can. And if I do have to go back on the meds, we’ll still try to get pregnant. I’d just prefer to do it without them, if I can.
I take medication for depression, but hell no. Never entertained the thought.
The closest I have come is doing something really, really stupid and realizing, “Holy shit! I totally could have killed myself trying something like that!”
I have battled depression for over 10 years, and in that time I have contemplated suicide several times. It’s never gotten to the point of choosing the method, but has gotten close. Based on Nava’s post, I think the causes are both endogenous and exogenous. Right now, I’m ABD and trying to get research published as well as find a good dissertation topic. I don’t really enjoy doing research, but I do enjoy the prospect of being called “doctor” one day, so I keep going.
Sometimes it seems as if I get “flare ups” of depression, periods of time following relative happiness that I just don’t see the point of going on. At these times, I feel emotionally numb toward just about everything and everyone. My agnosticism and the knowledge that killing myself would probably literally kill my parents keep me from doing anything.
It has been on my mind for the last 5 years, since I was 17. I spent nearly two years in bed sleeping because of depression. I even had a specific method and plan picked out.
Fortunately, I have gotten on medication and since then have been feeling somewhat better.
The way it was explained to me is that there are different kinds of suicidal thoughts, some more serious than others.
What I had were fantasies about killing myself, which is not considered major (I didn’t need suicide watch or intervention, for example.)
Also, when I was younger, I did some crazy stuff that now seems suicidal, like one night drinking 24 bottles of beer and driving home, another night it was the equivalent of 25 shots of hard alcohol. My friends and I used to go on unlit roads with our headlights off at night.
So, I couldn’t answer the poll. My answer would be “sort of.”
Back when I was drinking heavily I thought about it daily for a couple years.
The only reason I never did it was because I couldn’t think of a painless and sure way to off myself*. If I found a sure way to do it I probably would have even if the method was painful. I had a huge fear of trying and failing and then ending up crippled and aware of what I had done so whatever I was going to do had to work.
Luckily I never found anything. Then I got clean and sober.
Eric
*I thought about jumping but I have a giant fear of heights. Odd reason to opt out of that method, huh?
I’ve tried it before. But I’ve gotten help (and medication) and those thoughts don’t come into my head as much anymore. But when you’re bipolar, it’s bound to happen.
