Last summer the cherries were plump, juicy and delicious and I had been snacking on them all day. Going about my business (at home, thank bloody goodness) I felt a bit of percolating down below but nothing that screamed of any impending doom.
I had been a little gassy, which was to be expected after gobbling down cherries all day, and felt the need to fart - so I did - and immediately knew I’d made a horrible mistake.
After the initial :eek::eek::eek: I shuffled to the bathroom and made the very quick decision to get into the shower, clothes and all.
I remember one Saturday morning, in the mid 80s, I was watching cartoons. Sitting in my dad’s favorite gold La-z-boy. Thought I’d let one fly, but unfortunately for my underpants and pajama pants, it came out soupy. Called for dad to come assist (I was probably 9 or 10 or 11). He came down, helped get me cleaned up and got some new undies. So now I’m back to watching TV in dad’s La-z-boy, and apparently thought I’d just get back on the ol’ horse and let another one fly. Again, a soupy mess, and this time, considering the only thing separating me and my dad’s prized gold La-z-boy was a thin layer of cotton undies, I got some poop on the chair too. Again, dad came back and helped me get cleaned up; this time he suggested staying out of his chair for the remainder of the morning. After getting me into a new pair of underoos, I boldy made the decision to sit back down in the golden La-z-boy and continue watching Bugs & Friends. I, for some reason that to this day escapes me, decided to yet again let one fly. And yet again, I shat myself, in my dad’s prized La-z-boy, getting another squirt of brown onto the gold velvety seat.
He ordered me to sit on the toilet until this mess was out of me, and told me to stay off of his chair for the rest of the day.
Amen, brother. Have noticed in the past few years more ‘potential’ incidents like that.
And since we’re on such an unappetizing topic, anyone ever been sick enough to have a…ummm…discharge from both ends at the same time? Had the flu on Christmas 3-4 years ago and it happened, family wouldn’t come close to me again until I got well-can’t blame them.
A few months ago I was recovering from flu/sinus infection. Still coughing a bit, but well enough to get my horse from the pasture. Sure enough, as I was walking her to the barn I coughed, and well, I had to throw out my underpants. AFTER I rode, cuz it was winter and I wasn’t going commando. Plus no place to wipe down…
A year or so ago we had a rash of people crapping their pants at the local Walmart. Sad, but it was the talk of the town. Boring place I live near. I decided it was a virus floating around and went to the Target for awhile.
I saw a stand up comic once who did a bit about how you’ll crap in your pants once when you’re in your thirties. I didn’t think it was true. It is true.
Years back, for some reason my brother and I had several episodes of poopy pants at different times. We would come home and say “Guess what happened today?”
“You pooped your pants!”.
“Yep!”
Here’s the REAL question…tossing your undies is a given, but do you use it to wipe first??? :eek:
Live in China for 20 years and tell me you’ve never sharted? I wrote a pretty long epic post about such an incident when I was in Tibet and can’t find it. It was a pant shitting thread too.
Okay, this is TMI…but the worst is when you’re sitting and think you dodged the bullet. Then you stand up and you notice it’s a bit too warm back there! :smack: SIGH
This starting to increase in frequency. I hope it’s just coincidence or maybe an inescapable part of ageing. Like most of the other new things going wrong with my body lately.