I just come back from the pub, and as usual when asked about what I would want in a wife, I mentioned “having balls”, to much hilarity. It wasn’t exactly inadvertant hilarity because I have said it on many occasions. But whatever, you can’t improvise every line on the spot.
Anyway now I’m back (and I was only there for an hour tops anyway so haven’t drunk much) makes me wonder. Obviously I do not literally want a wife with testicles. The physical act of having testicles is a male trait. I think we all do know what I meant by having balls though.
Is it a sexist term?
I personally think no, or if it is it’s sexist against weedy men rather than women, because it’s basically saying “having certain traits usually associated in particular with desirable men”.
But different bits of my brain are confused so poll.
I can’t find any etymology online for age, etc., but it is so far divorced from anatomy that most people understand it isn’t a direct reference. It’s fine. Use cojones if you want to sound more Latin.
On the other hand, the Dictionary of American Slang and Colloquial Expressions says:
Plenty of women with more balls than I’ve got and good for them. You won’t see me on a gymnastic balance beam or jumping out of perfectly functional aircraft.
If the term means the same if applied to male or female (which it does) and can be equally applied to either gender equally (arguable) then it most likely is not sexist. Then again the trait of ‘having balls’ come from the concept of alpha male and maleness = power to express themselves and to put others, including other males who lack such balls and thus feminized, in line. So the historical roots seem to be sexist.
The equivalent anatomy is the ovaries, and I have heard people say things like that, though in a jokey way.
The term is reflective of the overall gender normative narrative that insists assertiveness is an inherently masculine trait, and one that is remarkable for a woman to have because of that. It’s a rather mild form of sexism (I couldn’t begin to tell what, if any at all, negative affect it has on women.), but let’s not kid ourselves about where the expression came from and why it exists.
I’d tend to label it annoying and immature rather than sexist–and in practice, would probably have laughed at the comment about wanting the hypothetical wife to have balls.
Immature is a little strong–but informal is too general.
(I voted for “it’s sexist” but would prefer not to believe myself a hysterical idiot.)
I also agree that the “equivalent” of balls is ovaries–but I’ve usually heard it when people are getting side-tracked by logic and language after noting that the woman in question doesn’t have anatomical balls. On the whole, though, I’d rather people used language that didn’t refer to genitalia, when trying not to be sexist, rather than using anatomically correct language.
I’d probably be surprised, rather than offended if someone suggested I had balls.
I went through a period of low testosterone [and tbh am not convinced it’s normal atm but it’s definitely infinitely better than where I went to] and believe me assertiveness and decisiveness comes from testosterone.