"He MUST be laid!" Book passages that have not aged well

The “unfortunate pet names” thread put me in mind of this. I was just reading Mr. Skeffington (1941), which included a section about a woman who kept imagining her ex-husband’s “spirit” visiting her. A friend said, “If he is a ghost, you must lay him–he must be laid!” Which made me giggle uncontrollably on the subway.

There are also the c1900 children’s books Dorothy Dainty’s Gay Times (a corking name for a web 'zine), and Lively Lays for Dreary Days.

Also a bio of Joan of Arc, which quoted translated trial transcripts: “She was taken out into the courtyard and confronted with the sight of flaming faggots, which did most terrify her.” Pandemonium.

There are others I can’t think of offhand, many involving now-hilarious uses of “gay.” Any you guys can recall?

Use of ‘ejaculate’ in place of ‘said’…

Oh, oh! You just reminded me! My mother has a 1901 book about a couple with a new baby, and one entire chapter is called “Baby’s First Ejaculation!”

Ooh, that’s right! I recall myriad Hardy Boys books - which, incidentally, made a point of not using such pedestrian words as “said” - that did precisely that.

“Joe, no!” Frank ejaculated, getting some on Aunt Gertrude.

The word “Queer” is an empowering word for some gay folk today but
I had a had a totally different take the stanza by R. Frost:

My little horse must think it queer
That I stopped without a farmhouse near

There was also a specific use of the word, character was a “queer old man”, meant to be strange or odd – I think I caught the refernece once in a pre-1950 Hardy Boys that I checked out of the library that changed the story on me.

I dimly remember something from Kipling (or maybe Conrad?) where a character is condemned as a bigot with words to the effect of “He was the sort of brute who judged that a nigger was his natural inferior, simply because of the colour of his skin.”

When I was working at Borders, I saw a book of children’s songs from the past century. My coworkers and I got much amusement out of an ode to the singer’s pussy(cat).

In Thomas Hardy’s “The Mayor of Casterbridge” there’s a reference to a new factory built by one of the other characters (Farfrae) as “Farfrae’s huge erection”.

I read Gone With the Wind when I was in 6th grade.

It threw me for a loop when Scarlett wondered, upon Ashley’s furlough from the war, how she could have stood other men making love to her.

I kind of got the feeling it didn’t mean what I thought it meant, but I never figured out what it means. Is it flirting?

I have two, courtesy of Up the Down Staircase:

“There is no frigate like a book . . .” (Only last fall I saw this poem framed on the wall of a school, only the frigate had been turned into a ship.)

“It is chiefly through books that we enjoy intercourse with superior minds.”

On preview: ivylass, check out The Court Jester with Danny Kaye and Angela Lansbury. At one point, the witch commands Danny to “Go and make love to the princess!” He does – by doing a Gomez Addams on her: kissing up and down her arm, whispering sweet nothings, etc. That was the old definition of “making love.”

Scarlett67, I must live a sheltered life, 'cause I don’t get the frigate one. What’s a frigate besides a ship? (Having a feeling I’ll be sorry I asked.)

Think Beavis & Butthead: “frigate” sounds like “friggin’.” It’s a laugh riot if you’re nine.

Toward the beginning of Huck Finn, when they’re camping on the island, Jim finds out that a search party is out looking for them. He wakes Huck up in the middle of the night to tell him they need to get moving pronto, using the unfortunate phrase, “Wake up and hump yourself, Huck!”

When I was reading the book aloud to a group of ten-year-old boys, this line produced much hilarity.

I just saw an old movie where Clark Gable and Spencer Tracy are pugnacious oil wildcatters in love with the same woman. In a climactic scene Gable grabs the woman and declares (something like) “Your my wife and I love you, even if I have to lick you to prove it.” She stares back dreamily and says “Yes. Yes you can lick me anytime.” The exchange refers to the idea that it once was acceptable to physically dominate your spouse (which is startling enough) but when you hear the double entendre you can’t help but laugh.

There’s something in Little Women about having “four gay girls in the house.” Also, in the play The Children’s Hour , in one version, Martha makes an early comment about feeling gay - which, if you know the play, is kind of giving away the store in the first act.

Sort of. The old fashioned kind of flirting, anyway. I’d usually translate it as ‘courting’.

Baseball still refers to a mistake made by Fred Merkle in a game in the early part of the century as “Merkle’s Boner.” Reading about this for the first time as a 10 year old was truly a watershed moment for me. The book I read used the word boner several times to refer to errors or mistakes in the field. I got to read about Henry Aaron’s numerous boners when he was still learning the game. Boners cause a lot of unintentioned results in the early years of baseball.

It’s been mentioned before, but there’s Cornelia Otis Skinner’s book “Our Hearts Were Young and Gay”.

Francis Thompson (author of “The Hound of Heaven”) wrote a poem that ended

I can’t remember the episode, but I remember Moe once said to Curly, to express the sentiment, “Boy, you can say that again”:

“You ejaculated a mouthful!”

Also,…

The 1977 film Gizmo consisted of old film clips, many of them showing inventors talking about and demonstrating their discoveries.

One such guy (who was probably filmed around the thirties) had devised a musical instrument that was based on his practice of clapping both cupped hands together, which produced a percussively melodic tone.

After demonstrating the hand technique, he described how he decided to construct the device:

“A few years ago, I was in my backyard, entertaining a friend with my hands. He suggested I build a device that…”

I had a children’s book when I was a, um, child, called Something Queer Is Going On.

In one of C. S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia books, there’s a reference to young Lucy going about the house “making love to everybody” (paraphrasing - it’s been many years since I read the books). Considering the fact that Lucy was prepubescent, I must assume that “making love” had an even more innocent connotation that even flirting. Especially since most of the people in the house were her relatives.