He uses Vaseline

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I use it between my toes before I put on my running shoes. No blisters.

I have another jar in the garage, and I’ll use it like WD-40 or axle grease.

Chafed baby butts, sunburn, chapped lips, skin moisturizer, kinky sex, 1st degree burns, hemmorhoids, general irritation, inflamation. Hell, I keep a jar in my car.

Do you know that if you’re freezing to death you can coat yourself in Vaseline, wrap Saran wrap around yourself, and it will keep you warm and waterproof in a blizzard?

You can coat your body and go sliding on a waterbed mattress.

Mosquitos won’t bite through a thick coat of it, and it slows dehydration.

Not only that, it doesn’t taste bad on toast, and you can even use it to make french fries in a pinch.

I’ve been on this message board for two years, and I’m damn sure that vaseline, that jellious lubricant of life has been given short shrift. We have not paid it the credit it deserves.

Vaseline was used by ouf forefathers, and unlike talcum powder it never betrayed us by causing cancer or bladder infections.

Vaseline has been a true friend.

Look at you, reading this. What have you done that Vaseline couldn’t?

What has Vaseline done for you?

Dammit, I’m the man I am today because of Vaseline and I think it’s long past due that we showed our appreciation for the lubricant of life.

2

I prefer AstroGlide.

3

Drinking tonight, Scylla? :wink:

4

Been abrasive to someone.

DAMN that was a good one. Hooo boy. Oh god.
well.

5

Damn dude. I am awarding this thread a Lucky[sup]TM[/sup]

More of what MPSIMS should be, in my not particularly important opinion.

See my sig for other Lucky[sup]TM[/sup] winners

LC

6

Flies in the vaseline we are
sometimes it blows my mind
keep getting stuck here all the time.

7

Vaseline is best used for sexual purposes.
Smear it on the bedroom door handle, and the kids can’t get in to see what you’re up to. :smiley:

8

You can feed it to your cats once in a while to help prevent hairballs.

9

If you coat your car battery post connections with it, they won’t build up that gunky white stuff.

10

I can’t get vaseline in Korea!:frowning:

Woe is me!

Astroboy digs a big handful of butter out of the fridge and chases Astrogirl around the room…

11

I know a girl who thinks of ghosts
She’ll make ya breakfast
She’ll make ya toast
She don’t use butter
She don’t use cheese
She don’t use jelly
Or any of these
She uses vaseline
Vaseline *

12

I use Bag Balm.

Like vaseline, only better (and made for cows’ udders). Great aftershaving when you’re gonna be out in cold weather. Also good under a bike chamois.

Chrome

13

This reminds me of a story…

My friend, a mechanical engineer, was using personal lubricant on the instruments in one of his tire experiments in grad school. He went through a lot of it, so he tended to just wait and buy 3-4 tubes at a time at the local drugstore.

On one of these trips, the clerk behind the counter starts saying things like “Say, I haven’t seen you around before…” and asking him if he goes to nightclubs. My friend is tolerant and kind and certainly no homophobe. What makes this funny is that he didn’t even realize what was going on. He thought this was an odd conversation to be developing over a simple transaction at the drugstore counter, but didn’t think anything of it. Until much later. I still get the giggles thinking of this.

14

(bolding mine)

What the hell kind of kinky sex are you having?! :eek:

15

Apparently-it’s-good-for-puppies,too.

My-pup-ate-a-whole-8oz-jar-of-the-stuff-a-few-days-ago-with-no-adverse-effects.He-had-one-sincere-and-monumental-bowel-movement-a-couple-of-hours-later-though.

16

Space bar broken there, Mermaid? :smiley:

17

I’m with you. I thought this was a Flaming Lips thread.

18

Just don’t EVER use it as a pomade.

Nope, nope, nopity-nope, nope. Very bad idea. You won’t get it out of your hair. It’s completely resistant to shampoo. Shaving your head and growing new hair is easier.

Not that I’d know, or anything…

19

Slick post, Scylla.

20

“dear dairy…I mean, diary…today Bessie and I…”

Even non-kinky sex right now would be welcome.