Sorry, babe, but ain’t no such thing as “love at first sight.” What you got is infatuation, not love. Love, real love, requires time to develop. You have to know someone, his strengths and weaknesses, his quirks and his coolness, before you can really say you love someone. Sure, the morning after can feel elctric and you think, OMG, I finally found The One," but that’s the afterglow of really good sex talking
I’m not saying this to be mean, but to be honest. Realistically, if you two can’t even communicate, how can you say you love each other?
If he gets sick, will you nurse him?
If he loses his job, will you support him?
If you stopped having sex, would you want to have his company anyway?
Do you share interests?
Do you share dreams?
Maybe this is the magical exception and you two will have a wonderful life together, but these are questions you’ll need to answer at some point.
I’m going to agree with Vanilla. I knew after one date that I would marry my husband and we didn’t have sex either so the afterglow wasn’t from that. We’ve been together 12 years now. It can happen.
I hope for you Otto that he is The One…but based on some of your past threads about looking for love, I’m afraid it more likely won’t be all that you are hoping for and will leave you feeling lost again.
I truly hope that isn’t the case, but I sense you have been hurt a lot lately in the dating scene and just want you to guard your heart a little more carefully.
Of course, it’s your life and you certainly don’t need others to tell you how to live it.
I have to agree with gobear. You really have to know someone before you can love them. I know that love can grow very quickly, but in order for that to happen, you must be able to communicate and get to know each other.
Good luck, and I hope that you guys can find a way to communicate so that love can grow.
gobear, I think you’re taking this more seriously than I am. We can communicate, it just takes a little longer than if we were fluent in a common language. It’s just this one rather large thing that we’re not quite clear on. I’m not saying that I love him and he’s not saying he loves me. At least I don’t think he’s saying that he loves me…
And there’s nothing wrong with a good infatuation anyway, ya grumpy gus!
Would I nurse him, support him, etc.? Now? No, because I don’t love him. I’m fond of him and enjoy his company. If we continue to hit it off and overcome the communication barrier (and if we do become more serious I’m going to insist he take an ESL class and I’m going to take Spanish…something I’ve been planning on anyway) then we’ll learn more about each other’s hopes and dreams and fears and interests and so on and we will see if love develops.
Well, if it’s a rather large thing, he’s definitely a keeper!
But, good for you, Otto. It sounds like you’re taking your time and not getting swept up by the passion. Enjoy your new beau and I hope you two do find love together.
TMI: It is quite sizable, but he has thus far been trending toward bottomhood, which works out nicely as I have been looking for opportunities to, shall we say, expand my horizons. Or expand his as the case may be.
I picked him up last night and he had a present for me. A big teddy bear (who is now called Harris Jose Bear, in honor of my favorite grump). We went back to my place and he asked me to show him the translator site because he ahd a question for me. The question: “Do you believe in love at first sight?” I said no, because I don’t actually, and his face just fell. I told him though that I care about him and am happy when I’m with him. He told me that he had feelings for me when he first saw me at the club (which, kind of embarrassing for me, I was hitting on his friend. eek). Then he asked me if I wanted to be boyfriends, or just friends, or was I just interested in sex. Try explaining the idea of being open to whatever possibilities happen without a common language sometime! But he understood. And, he is not moving to Miami. He’s going there to pick up his pets and his clothes and some money he has there. He’ll be taking English classes starting next semester.
So, I’m excited by the possibilities now that I know he’s actually staying in town.
Ha! You totally owe me, man! It was my idea to use the translator. I’m kinda like a matchmaker, huh? Except for the part about introducing you. Or knowing anything about you. Or having any serious emotional investment in the results. But I made it possible. ME ME ME!
Admit it, it was fun using the translator.
Since you owe me, one of you has to use “Hugh Jass” as a pet name for the other.
I would offer to name the first-born child after you, Hugh, but it turns out we’re a little late for that. Or had I not mentioned that he has a 16 year old daughter in Argentina? Eek! Actually, not that big a deal, since she is after all in Argentina and even if she were here it’s not like I’d be in some step-father role if we continue getting serious.
