So there’s this guy who I’ve hooked up with IIRC three times. First time was right after my last ex sort of dropped off the face of the earth. It was fun, he asked me if I would be interested in going out sometime. I explained that I had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t looking to jump into another one and he seemed cool with that. We got together a couple more times, then I called him one night and he didn’t call back. OK, fine, no big.
Last night, after something like four months, he calls and I agree to meet up with him again. After we, um, you know, we’re lying there and out of nowhere he says “I love you.”
This is someone who I’ve spent a sum total of maybe four hours with in my life, and he’s saying things to me like “I would hold you forever” and “you’re an amazing lover” (which, you know, is true but still). As he’s saying this I am making mental notes of the exits and surrepticiously reaching for my pants.
Why did he have to say these things? It can’t possibly be true, and by saying it he’s screwed up a perfectly good fuck buddy relationship. I’m not particularly interested in dating right now, and even if I were I don’t think I’d be interested in dating him. He seems, other than the psycho-love declarations, like a nice enough guy, but he’s not someone I would normally pursue romantically. He was…convenient. And obviously I can never see him or talk to him again. I can’t encourage him in this…what? Obsession? Delusion? Case of mistaken identity?
Forgive me for asking, but, what did you do? I mean, gaped in shocked horror, yes, but you did tell him “Oh, I’m so sorry, I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else…” Or something quite a bit more diplomatic with the same meaning, right?
It could be he’s very lonely, and it could be he places an emotional attachment to sex - I know I do. I was never able to sleep with someone I hadn’t developed strong feelings for. You may have to explain to him that you’re just interested in casual sex, nothing more. He may just be someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, and really doesn’t realize that you don’t have the same feelings for him.
And he never did this on any of the other three occasions you hooked up? Because I was going to say that maybe he’s one of those people who just needs The Grand Illusion (where’s Dennis DeYoung when you need him?) when he gets it on.
I know people like that; they know they don’t love the fuck buddy, and they know the fuck buddy knows they don’t love the fuck buddy (which is OK, because the fuck buddy doesn’t love them either), but they like to pretend the emotional connection is there because it makes the sex better for them.
Kinda like pretending to be a French maid or a fireman makes the sex better for other people.
Yeah, I sympathize–I once had a trick declare undying love for me the morning after we met and screwed. I couldn’t get him out of there fast enough.
Perhaps he really likes you and that plus emotional neediness made him overstep the bounds of the fuckbuddy relationship. It isn’t like he’s a complete stranger, so his declaration doesn’t make him sound as whacko as he might be.
Of course, you might just be so damned studly that any man would fall in love with you. In fact, I. . . I. . . love you, Otto, my adored. Come with me and be mine forever! You complete me, I need you so much to make me whole, I can’t tell where I end and you begin, my dearest!
Signed,
Stalky Stalkerson (currently hiding in your closet just to be closer to you)
I can kind of empathize with the fool. I can’t do the deed without getting emotionally attached, so I choose to get to know the person first and get attached that way first before I put out. Boundaries and stuff, blah blah blah.
That being said, it’s really odd that he didn’t call you back four months ago and then calls you back now and says those words… Not to slight your prowess , but were there any chemicals involved when the guy said that? Otherwise, this guy’s got more issues than a newstand.
That must have been HOT! Did one of you sit on the couch in your underwear watching Trading Spaces while the other yelled from the kitchen “I’m not doing your dishes again!”
Lighthouses don’t require a P.A. system to inform people they shine. Considering the more intimate details we were privy to this past winter, I come away with the feeling this OP is an excersize in futility.
You’ve gotta love 17 year olds.
, but were there any chemicals involved when the guy said that? Otherwise, this guy’s got more issues than a newstand.