The story of a "love ya" , spoken too soon


My new friend just left, after a couple of hours of cuddling and smootching on the couch. He even watched “Queer as Folk” with me, and laughed at the funny parts.

He is great - really really great! I like him a whole lot, but I have only known him a couple of weeks. We have only kissed, no sex, not even a grope yet. He hasnt met the kids or my friends or family yet - although I know they will like him.

I am crazy about him, he has every quality I ever looked for in a mate. EVERY single one! He seems truly enamored of me, flaws and all. He says things to me that make me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. AND he seems to mean them. We have loads and loads in common, similar background, values and everything.

Tonight before he left, he made me a rose out of a tissue. (awwwwwwww!!!)


On the way out, he said: “love ya”

I find myself profoundly freaked out.

I know I havent known him very long, but I DO have strong feelings for him already. We clicked right away, and got to know each other really well long before the first kiss. Honestly, I could see myself settled down with him…

This is really early for a “love ya” though isnt it?

I mean, could he really love me already? I keep thinking he cant really be real he is so wonderful - I dont know if I LOVE him yet, but it sure would be easy to do!

I dont know what to think now! He just cant throw out a “love ya” this early on! We havent even had sex yet!!!
(Although the next time he kisses my neck I think I might force myself on him.)

Is it possible for two adults (28 & 31) to be in love so soon?

Am I crazy?

You know what, Kelli? You worry too much.

Go, have fun. If he starts eating live puppies, then worry.

I agree I think you are worrying too much. Hey maybe this guy is just completely caught up in the mystique that is kellibelli. Hey relax have some fun and just go with the feeling. Neither of you two are old and you can fall in love with someone the first second you meet them IMHO. Anyways good luck!

Does that mean I have to name our first baby “Phouka-Tiki”?

Thanks guys! I am gonna go to bed and stop thinking so damn much!

ahh, kelli, I feel your pain! This is something I fight hard not to do. For me “loveya”, just doesn’t carry the same weight as an “I love you”.
I know it should, and have had it slip out at inappropriate occasions. I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt, he is probably just as smitten as you seem to be and it just slipped out.

But, I do believe there can be a sudden and profound connection between people that is hard to describe. Whether it is love, lust, or some combination thereof, it still feels intoxicating and wonderful.

I wouldn’t let it freak you out too much, but just see what happens.

hmmm, has he been in a long term relationship before? When I was married, I used “I love you” on a daily basis- it never got old or matter-of-fact to me and I just liked to say it :slight_smile:

To this very day, I find myself catching those words when talking to someone I care about, even if I know there is no “love” there yet. Regardless if it is someone I know intimately, or have just met and started a wonderful friendship with, I find myself holding back those words for fear of alienating them.

Sorry to ramble, but I hope you get my point! I would enjoy the obviously good thing you have found and let things run their course.

Sometimes Kelli, love sneaks up on you. Once it gets you though, that’s it. :slight_smile: There is not set amount of time that you have to adhere to, there are no rules that must be followed. The only thing you should follow is your heart.
He sounds like a gem, go for it.

Well I’d hate to be the kid growing up with that name :eek:

You know how freaked out you are? Out there, somewhere, that guy is doubly freaked. “Oh, my god… I said ‘love ya’. What’s she going to think of that? I don’t want to rush things. Maybe it’ll scare her off. I’ll call her. No, then she’ll think I’m obsessed. I’ll tell her next time I see her that I didn’t mean it. But, then she might think I don’t mean it…”

You get the idea. Give him a break, and just move on and see what happens.

There was a headline in the Onion a few weeks back… “Man Ends Business Call With ‘I Love You’”

Tongues slip. He sounds like a great guy, though. Don’t freak, and if at all possible, make a joke of it.

Have a blast.

Maybe it’s just an expression he uses, much like “see ya.”

Or maybe he really has fallen in love with you. It can happen.

I fell in love with my wife of 22 years on the night I met her. It took her considerably longer, but eventually, the spells, chants and potions took hold.

My advice, though you didn’t ask for it:

Don’t analyze. In affairs of the heart, logic is a poor guide.

I figure the problem you have with him saying “loveya” to you is that it came at an unexpected - in fact unexpectedly early- time, and you are wondering what he means by that.

  • Is he the type of guy that makes quite a light use of the word “love”?

  • Am I taking this thing more seriously than he is…and in the end will I make a fool out of myself?

  • Is he the type of guy who can talk about “love” before having sex? At the age of 31??? Naah!!


You might have just found the “Man of Your Life” you are aware of that, right?

I think the problem is that you didn’t catch the spelling. For men “luv ya” is an emotional rest stop between “like ya” and “love you.”

It should be mentioned that even “love you” is still not…ahem,…“I love you.”

On a time line, you could be looking at decades before that last step. According to my wife the next term of endearment that follows is, “You know I love you, but…”

She also contends that the next one after that is, “What do you mean I can’t leave my fish in the kitchen sink?”

For some folks the love part has to be established first before the sex. You’ll just have to talk to him to figure out where he and you are both at. (Easier said than done, I know. :slight_smile: )

Trust me and Fierra: Yes

Yes, but not for this reason. :wink:

You guys are all so sweet!

I think it sorta slipped out for him - I think mrvisible is right, he is probably shitting his pants! All I said was “drive careful” and patted him on the back! :o

He hasnt got the checkered past I have - only one long term relationship of two years, and he has been single and looking for about 2 years now. He hasnt got as much ‘experience’ as I have. (I dont mind)

I better send him some email jokes so he can relax or something!

Hey, we all love ya here, why shouldn’t he?
Women are known to analyze EVERYthing a guy says.
Chill, and enjoy.:slight_smile:

You can’t look too deep into anything a guy says. Luv ya is probably just a phrase to him. I’m sure he saves I love you for the right time. There’s a world of difference between the two. I think sending him a couple of jokes is a good idea. That way you’re saying that you’re not mad at anything he said, nor even concerned.

I wouldn’t bring it up as a subject for sure. That will spook him. :slight_smile:

Kellibelli, please don’t let his “loveya” spoil what is a good thing in every other respect. You’ll regret it later. It definitely doesn’t sound like it was a full-on “I love you, kellibelli, and by saying this, I’m looking for you to respond in kind.”

On the other hand, he should really be very careful about his “loveya”-s. I myself have neatly shot a potentially wonderful relationship out of the sky with a badly timed “I love you.” I’ve written about her before here in MPSIMS, so to make a long story short, we had been friends for a long time, and found that we had strong feelings for each other. I was in DC at the time, and she was in Alabama. Well, she was going to Austria for a month, and we knew it would be expensive to talk to each other, so it felt like an exile. Just before I got off the phone with her before she left, my mind went into neutral, and I said “I love you.” The short silence on the other end, followed by a hasty “That’s sweet” told me everything I needed to know…namely that I had fucked up, and badly. She later admitted to me that it had freaked her out, and that she wasn’t ready for it.

So, what did she do instead of giving it some time, or talking it over with me? She moved back home to Texas. Goddamn it. It’s been three years. I still think of her, even though she’s married now. :frowning:

Your fella, kellibelli, should be very, very careful with that phrase. It’s powerful.

i’ve never seen Kelli lovesick and confused before…I have to say I like it. :smiley:

Seriously I have two points to make to you Kell, One is that it has happened, there’s nothing you can do about it now, so don’t sweat it.

Secondly: It’s obvious that if he has been corresponding with you for a while and you have met him a few times (and he has made your toes curl when he’s kissed you) that he does have feelings for you, so I don’t think that will scare him off.

That’s my 2 cents:

The only time you should worry about the other person declaring themselves too soon is if you’re on the first date, and he’s a little twitchy. :smiley:

Other than that, there is no “too soon” for love to happen. Declaring your love is a little tricky, because it implies a certain commitment to step from a casual friendship to building a real relationship. It sounds like you’re ready for this and quite possibly he is as well.

What I wouldn’t do is joke about it - this communicates that he went to fast for you and you’re uncomfortable, maybe even with the whole idea of a relationship. And this could completely nip the relationship in the bud, something I gather you wouldn’t want. Instead, next time you see him, act as if either nothing has changed, or be even happier to see him than you usually are :smiley: if you decide that you do want to encourage him. Let him bring it up if he wants to.

This guy really sounds like a keeper! Good luck!

Two weeks and no sex? Color me impressed. I wouldn’t sweat the “love ya”; it’s a phrase with no real meaning, something agents say to each other at a cocktail party. Now if he had said, “Kelli, I love you with all my heart, my precious angel,” after only two weeks, then you would be right to panic. As it is, he sounds like a gem, so enjoy his company and see where the relationship goes.