Helen Keller jokes

Our 10 year old granddaughter spent the night with us the other night, and in the morning she wanted waffles for breakfast. While we were making waffles it reminded me of a joke, which I told to her:

“How did Helen Keller burn her fingers? She tried to read the waffle iron.”

My granddaughter had just recently read a library book about Helen Keller, so she knew who I was talking about, but she didn’t think the joke was very funny, nor did she laugh at the next few I rattled off.

“Why are Helen Keller’s pant legs yellow? Her dog is blind too.”
“How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date.”
“How did Helen Keller burn her face? She tried to answer the iron.”

It seems like at one time I had a whole list of Helen Keller jokes, but I could only remember a few off the top of my head. And of course I did NOT tell her this one:

“Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? So you can read her lips.”

So if anyone has more, please share.

Why did Helen Keller lose her heavyweight challenge to Mike Tyson?

Fucking judges.

Why are Helen Keller’s fingers purple? She heard it through the grapevine.

How to do you torture Helen Keller? Rearrange the furniture.

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids? She’s dead.

One that famously didn’t make it past the Saturday Night Live censors:

If Helen Keller was alone in the woods and fell, would she make a sound?

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? Screamed her hands off.

There used to be a guy in my running club who was legally blind. He could see shapes well enough to run outside, but not any detail. The rumor was that he was getting married, which led to many similar jokes. Must have met on a blind date. I don’t know what he sees in her. I forget the rest, but I was simultaneously laughing and telling people to shut up.

Have you ever seen Helen Keller’s husband? Neither has she.

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?
Because she was a woman.

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can use the other hand to moan.

The version I know is:

How did Helen Keller sprain her hand?
Screaming for help after she fell in a well.

A variant:

Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new piano?
Neither has he!

I had a friend who was deeply offended by Helen Keller jokes. So naturally, I made sure to always tell them in his presence. Such as:

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was HHHNNNRRRGGGGNN.

Famously? I did a Google search and the first two hits were two other times you mentioned that on this board but no hits confirming it. You mentioned in one post that you read it in a book. It may have been in a book, but the story is hardly a famous one. Do you remember which book?

Huh?

One of these is very funny.

Like other deaf people, Helen Keller had problems articulating words.

How did she burn the other side of her face?
The same person called again.

I can’t believe you guys are spreading this offensive nonsense. I know she’s dead, but imagine if she was alive and could see this!

Imagine what she would say!

HHHNNNRRRGGGNNn!

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her when she was bad?

Left the plunger in the toilet.