It’s definitely a unique pain. If someone were sawing off my fingers or pulling out my teeth with pliers or jamming needles into my eyes, that would totally hurt!
But a kick in the balls is different somehow. I like to imagine it’s like labor pains but condensed into a few moments. I don’t mean the pain of labor but only for a few moments, more like ALL the pain of labor compressed into a few moments.
If you wanted it in the shortest number of words, I’d say it’s like every kind of pain a body can feel, hitting at once. All the varieties of sharp pains, the shades of dull aches, magnified by an order of magnitude, and then the unending waves of nausea at the same time that aren’t the kind of nausea you can throw up and it’ll stop.
The closest I can think of is hitting your elbow so hard that you can’t use your arm for a couple hours because of the pinched nerve.
This is also why even light hits or near misses can be quite paralyzing. You have that heartbeat or two where you think “Damn, I just got hit in the nuts. This is going to hurt!” before you realise that it managed to miss.
Nope. It’s not even close.
I had knee surgery (after cutting 1/4 of the way into the knee with a chainsaw) and was recuperating. I had to go down to the basement for something a few days after the surgery. I hopped down the stairs and fell the last three, landing directly on the sawn knee. Experienced all other the things you listed, except add greying out.
It still doesn’t even come close. Not by a long shot.
I think Elmwood’s description of comparing it to being shot in the gut is probably pretty close.
Hmm. How about this:
Imagine it’s the holidays, and you’re opening up presents. One of the presents has a little bag that contains all the nuts and bolts, but it’s hermetically sealed and there is no opening. So, you take a knife, cut a hole in it, stick your fingers in, and rip the bag wide open.
Now, imagine the abovementioned bag is your belly.
I think that sums it up quite nicely.
Sprained my knee once. Same slippery, pearly sort of pain as a blow, erm, kick to the 'nads only not quite as intense. Same “fear” too.
I’m going to avoid an obvious “Ow! My Balls!” joke here, but I will say it’s a unique form of pain that’s not entirely unlike spraining your ankle so badly it’s facing a different way. Except your ankle is where your balls are. And you get winded in the process. And you want to cry or utter an unbroken string of obscenities, but you can’t because you feel like you’re going to throw up and are gasping for breath at the same time.
It’s not pleasant, to say the least. I think that’s why jeans are so popular these days. 
The bottom line is that external genitalia were a terrible, poorly thought out idea that should never have been allowed to become popular.
I think that some of the descriptions here might be getting a little too overboard.
“It’s like detonating a 100-megaton nukular bomb in your colon, then pouring hot sauce all over the wound, and then the entire Chinese military twists your eyeballs out with rusty pliers, and then an asshole named Morty pours the entire contents of the Sun down your throat while the entire population of India dances on your grave – times, like, a million.”
Another thread with some good descriptions:Link.
I think ovaries are probably just as sensitive, but because they’re so padded and protected in the pelvic frame, it’s very, very rare that they take the same damage as testicles can.
I’ve always referred to hitting an ovary during sex as “bottoming out”. Even then, I figure it was a glancing blow or brush, nothing direct. Still, the electric shock of it, followed by a moment of cross-eyed “Ggggggkkkkllgg!” is bad enough.
The other thing that leads me to believe that ovaries are as sensitive as testicles is the pelvic exams I’ve had. Each time, the doctor does a “manual palpitation”, where they manage to catch the uterus and ovaries between the fingers within and the fingers above. Most doctors are very gentle, but I’ve had a couple that managed to squeeze and roll my ovaries in such a way that my eyes bugged out and I left finger marks on the exam table.
So, you know, I have no interest in taking a direct hit to the gonads, well protected or otherwise, and I have a lot more sympathy for guys than I used to. I don’t really find the crotchstrike videos on AFV funny, but occasionally a nervous giggle will escape.
Woah - there really is nothing new under the sun (or on the Dope). 
I’m not going to read the thread. I’m sure plenty of people have described the “out of body” pain experience caused by a testicular mishap.
Of the several I have suffered one stands out. When I was working as a surveyor most of the time we were laying out suburbs on land that, at the time, was a farm. The accepted Aussie way of going over a 5 strand fence is to grab the top three strands, squeeze them together and throw your leg over them.
However if you are halfway over the fence when the top strand slips out from under your thumb that plain wire strand heads for your genitalia at a surprising speed. And hits really hard. It happened to me.
I laid down in the back of the van all afternoon and prayed to die.
once as a teenager, i was riding a guy friend’s bike when i hit A Bump. the bike and i parted company pretty spectacularly, but not before i made the up close and personal aquaintance of The Bar.
you know, that bar that doesn’t curve down like it does on a girl’s bike?
yeah, that one.
my pubic bone struck it so hard i thought i’d broken something inside me. like my pelvis. talk about lying on the ground and drooling… i needed to scream like **opal cat ** described; i had no way to fill my lungs because i was literally immobile with agony. a case of ‘i needed to die to feel better.’ 
a migraine - on steroids - doesn’t do it, but it’s the best description i’ve read to somehow illustrate that kind of pain. even 30-odd years later, the saga of the badly-infected-root-canal-surgery-terribly-awry (elsewhere recounted on these boards) can’t measure up to that one long-ago summer afternoon during an innocent bike ride with friends.
i didn’t get up for almost a half hour and even then i had to have help. i didn’t walk right for several days afterward. i didn’t even notice my chipped tooth and sandpapered forearms until later that day because i was still hurting so bad elsewhere. and this was back in the day where only wimps and losers wore bike helmets.
There is physical pain, enough to make one barf and curl up in a small ball.
But there is worse psychological pain. It’s the brief pause between impact and agony, where the thought runs through your mind ‘HOLY SHIT THAT’S GONNA HURT LIKE HELL!!!’. And you imagine the worst pain possible. And it’s never near close enough.
Major karmic cookies to the inventor of the protective cup!
They’re sensitive enough that they can be used to level any playing field to the point where you’d swear even the most monor scuffing felt as if delivered in this manner.
Ever been really constipated? Like, sitting on the pot and being unable to do anything but groan and wish that your bowels didn’t exist so that they couldn’t be filled with anything? Now imagine that pain, but instead of being focused only throughout your bowels and downward, it’s also focused up into and through your stomach and into your throat, making you want to crap and puke at the same time. Add to that a throbbing that makes each symptom intensify with each pulse, making the need to vomit that much more poignant. Then imagine that the pain is both sharp and numbing simultaneously, that pain waves are flowing throughout your midsection, creating a baseline of numbness and interjecting a horrible inner pain that comes from everywhere at the same time.
Someone mentioned upthread about getting it at just the right angle. I once tapped myself, literally just the lightest swing of a yo-yo trick gone wrong and catching juuuust right on just one of my boys. The left, I believe. Since it wasn’t a hard hit, the pain wasn’t really all that intense. I did however, puke within 15 seconds of receiving the blow.
There’s just nothing else that can make you do that.
And another nitpick, which seems to be all I’m good for in this thread *: while the procedure may have caused you to suffer palpitations, what the doctor was actually doing was palpation. A bit like how a prostate exam might leave the owner prostrate. 
