Help handling low-self esteem employee

[HMS_Irruncible]

@CapnPitt

I’m going to do as somebody said (cormac?)and shift the emphasis off of her and on to me (anecdotes of my long and sordid list of goofs) and explain how I learned from them. Then go into the teaching mode…

You can try that, but in my experience it is useless. Of course I wasn’t there to see the person’s face and demeanor, but you paint a picture that I think I have seen before. If the person is truly stupid, they take the teaching session as an extended, patronizing review of their deficiencies, thus making the session ineffective. If they are intent shirking work then of course the teaching is pointless.

Of course you are karma bound to try and help anyone who doesn’t seem combative, but set your limits and go into it realizing that it may not end well.

[little_bit]

@CapnPitt

Ten minutes later, she comes back and says “maybe I just shouldn’t do this, you and <insert both our boss’s name here> should just do it, I’m just too stupid.”

When I read this I recognized former co-workers. For them it was a way to avoid learning new skills & there by avoiding work.
You should tell her that doing it is part of her job, not your’s or your boss’. If she can’t learn to do it, perhaps she should find a job she’s capable of doing.

[The_Mad_Hermit]

Slight hijack: Do you guys have room for one more at the table?

I was in a training/supervisory position, and I noticed that there are quite a few people who don’t like change from their routine in any way. An unusual occurence, like a form that comes up just occasionally, are too much for them to handle and they become defensive.

***PLEASE DON’T FLAME ME FOR THIS ***

I was a monitor/supervisor for a market research company. The surveys we conducted were standardized, but sometimes an answer would open up a whole new set of questions- and this seemed to be one of the biggest problems. Some of the workers couldn’t handle the change in questions and they would lose their cool, sometimes losing the interview in the process.

Sometimes their problems are just too big for a work supervisor to handle. If this comes up often you may have to do the necessary thing and move on to another employee.

[malkavia]

I am a trainer for a call center so while I do not directly manage a team, I do have to work with Ms. “I’m too stupid to figure this out” all too often, and am not able to do so in a managerial manner (as these employees already have a set manager, it just so happens that they don’t get to communicate with said manager until they’re well past this initial learning phase). Given this position, I definitely feel you on the “It’s not really my place, but I want to help”.

I think you should let this incident go, since there’s been quite the time lapse since it occured and if you keep bringing it up, it’s going to start feeling like you’re harping on her.

Until this situation arises again, you may want to take this opportunity to start taking note of this woman’s strengths. There is a reason that this position was offered to her, right? Maybe she’s creative or an excellent communicator or maybe she has a sense of humor or whatever her strength may be.

When this situation arises again, give her the project and let her know that you are available if she has any questions or would like some additional guidance.

If she makes the same (or a similar) mistake again, kindly bring it to her attention in the following manner:

“Hey Jane, you know you’re really doing a great job with this project. We really appreciate the extra effort that you’re putting in to get this done. (Feel free to highlight any relevant strengths here) I did notice that (enter mistake), and I just wanted to sit down with you and review this process before (boss) reviews it, because I think you’re doing a super job and I want to be sure you’re getting the recognition you deserve.”

You’re giving her three things:

1. Positive feedback
2. A direct opportunity for growth and development
3. Value (If I can do this right, I will be recognized for my efforts)

I think your boss is COMPLETELY wrong in stating “That’s just how she is.” Wtf?! How is she ever going to grow and succeed when her manager is convinced that she’s a lost case??

Horrible way to manage an employee and honestly the employee would be better off being fired and hired by someone willing to develop her talents than kept on by someone who seems willing to allow her to stagnate, wallow in self-pity and push her workload onto other employees who (presumably) already have their own workload.

[Nutty_Bunny]

@CapnPitt

Actually, all I wanted to hear was one of two things:

1. I goofed, don’t know how it happened, but I know how to do this.
2. Hey, I don’t know this works, can you show me?

And #1. is how I answer my boss, because any mistake I make is only a brain fart, if it’s something I do on a regular basis. If it’s something new, then I try to get instruction on how they want me to go about it before I screw it up.

Your employee seemed to be blowing you off by saying “I’m stupid” and probably wanted you to drop it because she felt bad enough making the mistake in the first place. It’s not the most mature way for her to have handled it, but it seems like that may be the reason she was so abrupt with you. She just wanted the matter to go away. I can understand your frustration.

If she tries to blow off her work in the future and uses the “I’m stupid” excuse, I agree that she probably doesn’t deserve to work there. I’ve worked in two positions where people have played that and I’ve had extra work because of it. “Well, X can’t do it, we’ll get Nutty Bunny to do it. She’ll do anything.” It makes the people taking up the slack get increasingly frustrated when it keeps happening.

[furt]

I get students that say this.

“Well, I don’t know you all that well yet, but I think it’s very unlikely that you’re really all that stupid; after all, the Admissions office let you in. Did you lie on your application?”

“Of course not.”

“And your grades and SAT scores were good enough to get in?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think the Admissions office screwed up? Do you think they’re incompetent?”

“Well … no.”

“Well then, you are smart enough. The only question is you’re willing to put forth the effort”

If I do know them, it’s simpler:

“Are you calling me incompetent?”

“What? Of course not.”

“Well then, listen. I’m a professional teacher. I’ve taught this course plenty of times, I’ve dealt with hundreds of students, and yes, some of them have not had the ability to do college-level work. But it is my considered professional opinion that you are not one of those kids; you’re not remotely close to stupid. So unless you’re pretty sure that I’m incompetent (in which case you should drop this class and get a better teacher), let’s cut the crap about you being stupid, because you’re not and we both know it.”

IME, the latter can work as both tough love and an odd sort of compliment.

[msmith537]

This is interesting. For the most part I’ve never worked with people that stupid or inc. Most of the companies I’ve worked at, people who refused to do work because they were “too stupid” to do a job quickly found themselves out of a job.

[MaddyStrut]

I don’t see how asking why something happened is a negative. If I make a mistake and my boss asks how it happened, I assume it’s because she wants to know if something is wrong in my understanding of a process or the process itself is flawed and needs fixing. I’d much rather she ask me why I did something a certain way than say “you did this wrong; do it better next time.”

If I made the mistake due to human error on my part (like the time I transposed numbers in a brochure and it got all the way to the printer before we caught the error :smack: ), I’ll say that. If the mistake has the potential for major consequences, we’ll then look into how to build controls around a procedure to prevent human error (like putting in an extra round with the proofreaders before anything goes out) since even the brightest of us can have a brain fart.

I agree that saying “I did it because I’m stupid” is a cop out to avoid addressing the actual issue (and maybe to avoid you getting upset with her since you’re then stuck in a position of building her up). Whether the person is doing this intentionally or just can’t take the fact that they made a mistake, I don’t know.

If someone used the “I’m stupid” line with me, I’d probably say “eh, we all make mistakes. It has nothing to do with intelligence. What we need to figure out is how to learn from them and stop them from happening. If you don’t understand the procedure, we need to make sure you do. Perhaps our initial instructions were unclear. It happens. If you have problems remembering it, we can fix that too. I can give you some pointers on how other people have memorized processes.” (However, if you find that others are messing up the process on a regular basis, maybe you need to look at the process and find a way of building in checks to prevent human error.)

Of course, that assumes you think she’s capable of doing the job. If she’s not, she may be feeling stupid because she realizes she’s over her head.

[Declan]

@msmith537

This is interesting. For the most part I’ve never worked with people that stupid or inc. Most of the companies I’ve worked at, people who refused to do work because they were “too stupid” to do a job quickly found themselves out of a job.

Well to be fair , I think that the woman did not refuse the work , just that she does not do it often enough for it to become rote.

Some work places have all agile workers and others have plodders , mostly you get a mixture of both in the company and the plodders fill a niche that shields them from a more darwinian workplace enviroment.

Declan

[Bill_H]

If an employee told me (as this one did) that
a. they were not capable of doing their assigned task,
b. they never would be, and therefore
c. they should not be responsible for this task again,

I would immediately fire them. If this person can’t do the job, they should go find one that they can.