HELP how do I get my new cow-orker to SHUT UP!

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve got a new coworker, who I knew as a casual friend before he got the job here. He’s a friendly, smart and funny and I like working with him except for one thing. He just won’t EVER stop talking. I never realized this before because, well, when you’re hanging out at a bar or something its normal to keep a conversation going.

I have a nice quiet office in another part of the building, but I often have to work on my laptop in the lab area, programming some equipment which can’t really be moved. So for now I’m back here next to his workbench. It’s convenient because we do sometimes need to talk about work, especially since he’s new. But I also sometimes need to concentrate on what I’m doing on the computer, yet he won’t stop chattering. If he’s not talking to me, he’s talking to himself, and a lot of the time I can’t tell the difference, at least until after I’ve been thoroughly distracted. It’s tough enough to program in the general noise of open workshop area without this.

I’ve explained the problem, and he claims to understand. He’s computer literate, and intellectually at least he realizes that I need uninterrupted quiet time to concentrate. But five minutes later he’s on again.

I wouldn’t mind if he was actually asking for information he needs - teaching him is part of my job - but he isn’t.
For instance today he was moving some stuff off a bench onto a shelf - which would not require most people to say one word - and he did it to a continuous loud stream of “Let’s see, I think I’ll put this book here. This book looks interesting, I think I’ll borrow that sometime. Oh, what’s this? That’s a neat tool. I’ll put it in this toolbox. I want one of those. I wonder who sells them. Hey Kalashnikov, see how cool this is? OK, now what’s this? I don’t know. Do you? Do we need this here? This is another dohickey so I’ll put this over there with that one. This is something else that can stay here. I think that’s everything. No its not, here’s another…”

I’ve tried wearing headphones, which helps a little, except that I don’t LIKE listening to loud music all day long, the only headphones I have here are junky ones (I’ll remedy this tonight), and he does have to interrupt me for some things.

There isn’t anyone else who can train him, or anyplace else I can do my work.

I don’t want him to think he can’t ask as many real questions as he wants too, but I can’t get my work done!

I guess I’ll just work double shifts for a while (for no extra money of course), programming at night and just hanging out and surfing and listening to him all day. This sucks.

2

Tell him to quit mething around and get to ork.

3

The thread title and your username may provide the question and the answer.

Lieu, stop typing with your mouth full. :smiley:

4

Keep rubber bands in your pocket. Everytime he starts to prattle on about this or that, shoot 'im.

5

That wasn’t “crystal” clear?

6

Duct tape. Duct tape is the answer to all of life’s problems. Just keep a roll nearby, and the next time he starts up five minutes after you ask him to shut the fuck up, slap it down on the table in front of him. When he asks what it’s for (motor mouths just can’t stop themselves from asking), tell him it’s for his mouth. He’ll take the point. When he annoys you, just wave the tape at him as quick reminder.

7

Epoxy his teeth together.

8

Forget the rubber bands. Shoot him with a Nerf gun.

9

As WE says, you could always try wearing a propeller beanie hat and muttering "I am the Angel of Death. The moment of purity is at hand … " (pumping of shotgun an optional extra, dependant on office rules).

Failing that, just shout at him. That’ll shut him up for a day or so. After that, you can try the touchie-feelie approach again.

10

I was gonna say “duct tape”, but someone beat me to it. I like the follow up statement too – epoxy his teeth together. Hmmm, how about a squirt of shaving foam in the mouth…

11

I was gonna say “duct tape”, but someone beat me to it. I like the follow up statement too – epoxy his teeth together. Hmmm, how about a squirt of shaving foam in the mouth…

More realistically, how about those headsets that people wear on the shooting range, to protect their hearing

:stuck_out_tongue:

12

Why don’t you just say “Dude, no offense, but I am trying to work too, and if you have a question, I will be glad to answer it, but I personally can’t concentrate on my job and bullshit at the same time…thanks!”

To the point, but humble enough where he shouldn’t get upset.

Also, some people like this are basically talking to themselves anyway, and don’t require answers.

13

I’m a saftey rep at work, and if you can find out what decible he is speaking at I can give you the standards on if it is safe or not and you can then tell he whether you may continue listening to him or not without proper ear protection.
Either that or I could just send you out a couple of ear plugs and you can wing it from there.

14

It seems like your pal just likes to have a constant stream of noise to keep his brain occupied. Maybe you should have him wear the headphones. That way he’ll have something constant to listen to.

15

Yeah, I was gonna say duct tape too.

Either that or brain surgery. Root around in there until you find the wire that connects his brain to his mouth and put an on/off switch on it, so he can have thoughts without having to speak them out loud.

16

Does anyone still do peer reviews? I had to do one for someone like this and I wrote “You know, you ought to quit talking so much. If you don’t quit you’re gonna run out of words when you’re older and your lips will just flap around and nothing will come out.” They took it well.

17

This seems like a reasonable take on it. Just ignore the guy; he won’t notice the difference.

18

Just dropped by to find out what a cow-orker was. Thought it’s what you get when you cross a pig and a cow.

Sorta sounds like it, don’t it. :slight_smile:

19

Where were all of you when I had an office job?

How about listening to white noise or environmental tapes on your headphones?

Tell him to touch you lightly on the shoulder when he wants you pay attention to him.

Lock you door and put up a sign that says something like “email only” or 'knock only if you have a question relating to work that requires my input."

Some people really are compulsive talkers because of brain chemistry and some people really are unable to focus on a task while someone is flapping her or his gums.

I have a similar but minor problem with an old friend who feels she has to read the menu aloud to me as she makes her choice for dinner. When she has made her decision, she then talks about the people who are around us, her last date, the latest in politics, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, I’m struggling to get past the word “Appetizers.”

20

From the title, I thought this was about bestiality on a farm. Who hasn’t orked a cow on a dark, cold night?

Your coworker is probably beyond re-training at this age. To him, silence is a void that MUST be filled. Perhaps headphones on him might work, so long as he doesn’t sing or hum along with the music. So give that a try, but be prepared for failure.

I assume you have brought this up MORE than once or twice? If not, remind him again. In the event of failure, you have very few more options.

  1. If you have the authority to do so, directly threaten his job. “if you don’t shut up, you’re fired.” might have enough shock value, if he understands you mean it.

  2. Do you share a boss? If so, talk to the boss, and insist that this jerk be relocated.