Since my coworker has gotten here this morning she has literally been talking nonstop. It’s exhausting. She has told me
-that she dropped off her car this morning. That is the third time she told me this.
that it was tough walking back after she dropped off her car. Second time.
that her sister was going shopping so it was convenient. Second time.
that her one kid is playing band at the other kids school
that her xmas cards got screwed up by walmart
that she was only wearing a T-shirt under her coat when she walked.
And several more things. She has been here 20 minutes. Needless to say I am exhausted and sick of her already. Every thought in her head immediately comes out of her mouth. And I just don’t care about most of it! I’d care more if she was at all judicious but she is not.
Do people like this remotely realize how much they annoy everyone? That no one remotely cares about the minutiae of their lives? That they are boring and annoying?
If you find yourself doing this please stop and ask yourself if it’s necessary to tell them the latest thing. Take hints too! When all of the answers are non-commital one word answers SHUT UP!
She’s my boss. I have tried in every way indirectly, but directly is just going to hurt her feelings, a lot. Eventually indirectly will work…for a little while. Even telling her I have work to do doesn’t work! This is a woman who sings “it’s sooooo quiiiiiiiet!”
The thing is, she is a very nice and kind lady. Just won’t STFU.
Lawd yes, attention hoars are draining. Sad if you have one for a boss - they seem to assume that we are their personal toilets for their verbal diarrhea/word vomit.
Can you put on the big headphones attached to your pooter and feign work? I guess Valium/Xanax in their Starbucks isnt an option. Too Bad.
No, she already has it all arranged. Trust me, I heard about that, too.
Headphones don’t work. I have to answer the phone. Trust me, I’ve still tried, blocking up the ear that would face her. She just talks anyway, to herself, to the microwave, to the fridge, to the air. I’ve tried ignoring her and sometimes she will say my name to get my attention. I’ll say, flat out, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening,” and she’ll laugh and start over. I’ve said I ignore everything around me because “everyone talks to themselves”. Hints fly right over her head.
Really it comes down to this. She hates quiet. I love it. I put my music on and work away.
Id shoot myself. My sympathies. Guess its an exercise in concentration. Is there any music she hates that will repel her and make her leave the room? Do you have Pandora - Gregorian Chant might cool her jets: http://www.pandora.com/gregorian-chant
Anaamika, since we’re in the same boat with this person being our boss, I promise to share with you any solution I discover, if that should ever happen. This is what I’m doing at the moment:
I’m working on ignoring her unless she addresses me directly. If she says, “Yooohoooo, I’m talking to you!” I say something like, “Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were talking to yourself again,” in a neutral voice.
Besides thinking out loud, she constantly asks me to get up and look at something on her computer. I’m working on telling her I’ll be with her when I have a free minute.
When she tells me things that are way overpersonal, like the state of her digestive system or how desperate she is for a man in her life, I give her vaguely sympathetic murmurs but don’t reciprocate any personal information myself.
I know she’s really lonely and I’m one of the few people she interacts with every day, but it’s not my job to be her friend or fill her neediness. I’ve actually brought her up to my therapist because it’s a major reason I come home from work feeling so drained every day – I need quiet and privacy to work and I get the complete opposite of that every day for eight hours. Telling her straight out, “I’m sorry, you talk so much I can’t concentrate,” is right out because she’s demonstrated herself to be a very petty and vindictive person who would almost certainly take offense and begin making my professional life worse.
I’m only able to type all this up now because she’s gone for the day.
Nothing stops her,she’s like the Godzilla of conversation. This time she told me about how she started watching a denzel Washington movie at 930 last night and it was 1130! Before she went to bed, but the movie was good!
Eta: I’ve often thought about writing down everything she says but I fear that just might make me more crazy.
I WAS that co-worker many years ago. I’ve since learned to STFU and keep to myself. But I figured it out on my own that nobody gives a shit, and adjusted my attitude accordingly.
My mom RIP was like that: bipolar/unmedicated/overcaffeinated/lived alone. I had to limit contact with her to save my sanity, bless her heart.
When she called me for a marathon one-way convo, Id just murmur non committal grunts and hmmms. Eventually she wound down and would end the convo. Til the next time and then Id hear it all over again.
They are sick and dont realize their effect on ppl drives them away. Doesnt she have any work to do? Cant HER boss be made aware of her behavior and give her a diff office or more work to keep her out of your hair?
Galows fodder, looks like we have come up with the same coping mechanisms. You remind me it could always be worse! At least I don’t share an office with her.
Mine is not remotely lonely. She has a loving husband and two sons whom she adores, and sem to be pretty decent kids, plus family in the area.
It will be a little better in the new year. Right now with vacations and holidays it’s been her and me in the office a lot, alone. After the holidays it will fill up again.
I don’t really want to offend her. As I said, she is really nice and kind. I just want her to do her work, she has plenty of it.
Your new mantra will be - “That’s very interesting.” Keep repeating it over and over whenever you feel the need. Do not vary the wording. Eventually, the talker will notice what you’ve been saying and quit talking so much, transfer you, or fire you. Either way, you won’t have to listen to them any longer.
I work on a floor with an “open office” (meaning our cube walls are 8 inches high so everyone can see everyone)
4 of the women in my area are just like you are describing, except it goes on all day! Two of them are pregnant right now, so that is a heavy topic of conversation. This morning it has been non stop for 2 1/2 hours so far. I don’t know how they get anything done. What’s worse is one of them flirts HEAVILY with the boss’ boss whose office is right next to our area (shoulder rubs, baby talk, I’ve been stuck with them in the elevator and she massaged his arm the whole way up) so nothing is ever said to stop the talking.
Even worse, they don’t get up from their desks to talk, they shout across two rows of desks for their conversations.
I am nearly finished with my IS degree. I then hope to go and work with some men who, if they talk about inane things, at least limit it to video games and computers.
I’d have to say most aren’t conscious of it. In my experience, I typically see it from people who heavily or overly rely on work for their social interactions (and would be void of any without them). They also have a bunch of other habits consistent with what you’re describing (I hope I don’t step on any many toes, but based on interacting with them):
[ul]
[li]They typically don’t catch non-verbal hints or shifts in attention, like a person looking or scooting away[/li][li]They don’t understand that one-word responses, or even silence, signal you’re not very interested, and instead use them to launch into another topic or prolong the current one any acknowledgement has a tendency to do this to do either)[/li][li]They focus intensely on seemingly small, insignificant, or otherwise mundane things[/li][li]Opposite to the above, they are intensely interested in other people’s different, but also small, insignificant, and mundane things and use them to fish for discussion (yes, my headphones are red…doesn’t mean I’d like to discuss why they aren’t black or white)[/li][li]They take work very very seriously, usually feeding on recognition and acknowledgment[/li][li]They love work-related celebrations of all types and don’t mind coming back to work to talk about them, afterwards[/li][/ul]
To note, this isn’t to say any of the above is necessarily bad. These are just habits I’ve seen consistently, between the types of people the OP describes.
I have tried in every way indirectly, but directly is just going to hurt her feelings, a lot. Eventually indirectly will work…for a little while. Even telling her I have work to do doesn’t work! This is a woman who sings “it’s sooooo quiiiiiiiet!”
