No. My mom does it. My coworker does it. I managed to piss off my coworker to the point where she stopped talking to me. That was the only solution.
Oh, they fully realize how boring annoying such behavior is* in other people.*
The hardest I’ve ever bitten my tongue was one afternoon when a friend of DoctorJ’s came over. She’s a nice person, she really is, but she’s congenitally incapable of shutting the fuck up, her natural volume is set at 11, and we had to specifically tell her to stop just walking in the door and yelling “Knock, knock” as she came through the hall when she invited herself over. And she was going on at great length about how awful a mutual friend’s fiance was. Mutual friend was living with her temporarily, and this guy was just inviting himself to stay every weekend–and he just never shuts up, and he’s so* loud*, and it’s just so annoying, ya know?
I was able to limit myself to agreeing that I could see how that would be problematic, but I’m pretty sure I still have tooth prints on my tongue from not pointing that the only real difference between them was that he ran on interminably about sports and cars while she ran on interminably about food and parenting issues.
I agree with everything in your post except that bit. The people I know who do that include some who haven’t held a job in ages, some who do not do it at work but do it anywhere else…
Those who do it at work rely on work for social interactions, but in general it’s a matter of believing that social interactions equals them talking constantly; people who yap constantly do it any time they’re interacting socially, which may or may not include doing it at woek. As **CrazyCatLady **said, if anybody else does it then anybody else is a rude bore, but that’s anybody else.
I work in an office with THREE jibber-jabbers, including the boss. Crew meetings tend to be 5% work talk and 95% chit-chat (mostly instigated by one guy with a terminal case of logorrhea). I got tired of hearing the latest episode of “The world according to Joe co-worker” long ago, so I try avoid the meetings as best I can.
In thinking about the few times I’ve actually been outside of work with these people, I’d have to say that’s true.
And come to think of it, I do have that one friend who absolutely loves to talk forever. In her case, it’s not even that it’s particularly boring or anything that would bother me, but give her a warm body with ears attached, and she won’t run out of things to say.
I had a friend who insisted on giving me every detail of her assorted adventures. Such as “I went to Trader Joe’s yesterday and bought the mandarin chicken and the sprouted bread but they were out of kumquats so I got nectarines instead and we drove down Becker Road instead of going on the highway…” My coping mechanism was basically to walk away or ignore her. Our friendship has since dwindled to “hi how are you?” so thank God I don’t have to hear her laundry list of daily life. I also discussed her with my therapist who said this is her way of engaging people. She’s incapable of doing it how a rational person does, so she just spouts. I am thankful every day that I am a librarian, a solo librarian, and that my workspace is quiet.
So we had our holiday luncheon today. We all just go to a restaurant and chit chat and have a nice lunch. She monopolized the whole conversation there, too…talk talk talk talk. She always eats the slowest because she just can’t stop taking about inane shit.
I have no idea how her husband puts up with it!
Peedin, that’s exactly it. Compiled with stories about her kids. I like some stories but she has no filter which are the interesting stories or which are boring.
A couple of you said that’s just how they socialize, and that is very true. That is her default…if she is with people, she must talk. If I ever had to watch a movie with her I would murder her.
Hang on…if this chatterbox your boss then couldn’t you just stop working and talk to her? I get that it might be boring, but you could just steer the conversation onto stuff you like. If/when she asks why you’re behind with your work you can just say “Well, we were having such a good chat yesterday that I lost track of time. I’m not very good at multitasking.” Then, in future, if she talks too much you can ask her to stop and she won’t get offended because she’s the one who would have told you that you needed to focus more on your work. Bingo. Problem solves itself.
Our newest student is a bit like this, except she just assumes that she is the center of everyone’s conversation. She said something chirpy this morning when I first got in - I don’t know, I didn’t listen to what it was - and so I made an appropriate acknowledging noise. She popped out with “Oh, you’re probably thinking, ‘how can she be so happy so early in the morning?’!”
No. No I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking about you at all. I’ve spent many many years not thinking about you, and I look forward to many more you-free thoughts in future decades.
Anaamika, I was about to ask if we have the same coworker. But then you said your coworker was your boss.
My coworker has a total blindspot to how much she talks. She meets almost all of Krouget’s criteria to a “T”.
Today we had a staff meeting. It was supposed to be short and perfunctory, since nothing major has happened since the last meeting and we were all ready to go to the holiday party scheduled afterwards. Everyone went around the room and gave a 30 second summary of what they’ve been up to. Then we get to Miss Jibber Jabber.
She spent 20 minutes going down a long list of items that absolutely no one in the room was interested in hearing. Maybe if her delivery had been upbeat, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But it was monotonous and full of pauses and “um’s”. And she kept throwing out acronyms. I knew what half of them stood for, and that’s only because our job duties overlap. I don’t think the other people had any clue.
My stomach hurt listening to her. I kept thinking, “How can she not see we’re all ready to kill her?”
After the meeting, I went back to my computer to tie up some loose ends before the party. She bopped into my office to talk about her recent bloodwork. And the rum cake she made for the party. And how her husband ate a big piece of it for breakfast. And how greedy he is.
I wanted to scream.
Yes, I know I have the power to tell her to STFU. But every time I get assertive with this girl, she breaks down and cry. Which I also hate because WTF. I know crying can’t be helped, but she’s got some nerve being annoying AND sensitive.
What has helped a lot is branching out socially at work, so that everyone on the floor feels comfortable talking to me. This sounds counter-intuitive, especially since I’m a pretty asocial person. But jibber jabbers need a captive audience that they perceive as having nothing better to do but listen to them. They don’t thrive in an environment where the phone is bound to ring or a different person is knocking on the door every five minutes. They want your undivided attention. I never thought I would ever appreciate being popular, but it really does have it’s advantages.
One problem with natterers is that they’re self-reenforcing. The more they natter, the less other people say–because (a) there’s no opportunity; (b) they’re bored out of their mind; and © they’re afraid to say anything that will indicate interest. Over time the natterer becomes ever more self-absorbed and (due to lack of practice) ever less of a listener, in a Death Spiral of Dullness.
I’m dying over here. My general rule of thumb for extroverts is that if your listener has had time to ponder deeply just how long one human being can talk without pause for breath and count all your nose hairs, it’s well past time to hush and give someone else a turn.
I may have shared this before. If it is a repeat, I apolgize.
We have the Queen of Pointless Yammering in our office. The staff all have individual offices so it’s possible for this person to trap you in your office for an hour of nonstop talking without anyone else noticing right away. The office rule is that, if you walk by someone else’s office and see Talking Queen in there, or hear her voice, you proceed immediately to the nearest phone, call the trapped person and ask them to come to your office (or go the brief room for something or whatever). This provides the trapped person with an excuse to end the endless conversation, if they want to. We’ve relied on it for years.
A couple of observations from the jibber-jabbers I’ve known/still know:
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They abhor silence because silence, to them, is a death sentence. Silence means they would have to ponder. Pondering leads to intrusive thoughts. If you’re too busy nattering, you can keep those thoughts at bay (I’ve heard this more than once, btw).
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There can be a bit of undiagnosed OCD involved.
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Ditto anxiety. One jibber-jabber sort I know fairly well is a walking mess of it. The anxiety is far-reaching. A simple paper cut results in a torrent of “Should I go to the ER because what if it gets infected?” Papers must be straightened, people must automatically know how the jibber-jabberer wants them to behave or else they’ll get an earful…I could go on. And no, don’t even suggest medication because that will automatically lead into yet ANOTHER stream of jibber-jabber.
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I find it interesting that most jibber-jabbers in my experience have been women over 50.
I think the resident jibber-jabberer in my workplace has more OCPD tendencies than OCD. It sounds like yours does too based on your brief description. They seem similar on the surface, but they’re really different.
I don’t think that link goes where you intended.
Thats a great out! Cant you just pull out your phone and pretend to take a vibrated call tho and excuse yourself for a “meeting”?
I do sometimes find it annoying when someone does that to me while they’re talking to me, but it’s even more annoying when people do it on their cell phones near me. Ugh.