A short time ago I signed up for an internet personals site (which shall remain nameless, but is supposed to be one of the best in its genre.) Right off the bat I saw the profile of a woman that I can’t get out of my mind. Gaah! I’m like a 6-year-old on the day before Christmas!
The problem is that, not only am I 21 years older than her (this doesn’t bother me, but it might her), but I am still legally married to a woman that I have no desire to live with again. I don’t hate her, it’s just that we’re too far apart in every way to bridge the gaps.
I’m trying to not think nasty thoughts of this new object of my (virtual) affections, since I don’t want any lustful thoughts on my part to affect her opinions of me, but, Wholly Forking Schmidt, I can’t stop obsessing on her!!
Come on, you guys, get serious… I have to figure out some way to “approach” her without looking like either a dirty old man, or a philanderer. I have a hard time talking about this with other people IRL, because THEY think I’m a DOM or a philanderer. This whole situation is weird, and I’m not a believer in love at first sight (at least in my case), but it’s as though something supernatural is pushing me in her direction. I’m not explaining this very well, I know, but I know it’s not raging hormones. My hormones whine more than rage at this point in my life.
BTW I always liked Benny Hill–now THERE was a dirty old man!!
Does her profile have prefrences? Some have an area for posters prefrences. Maybe she is looking for someone older.
Reply to her and see how things go. Ask her a few questions that will encourage her to respond. Do not make an issue about the age, just be yourself.
Good Luck
So what’s wrong with being a dirty old man or a philanderer? I have known several women in their 20’s who were dating guys in their 40’s. They all thought it was a terrific idea; one woman said that it takes most guys a couple decades of dating before they get it right and can be a terrific boyfriend. The guys, of course, thought they had it good because, hey. Girlfriend in her 20’s.
Just respond to the ad honestly and put your best face forward, if those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.
I sent her a “flirt” (a quickie, prefab sort of message) this morning, but nothing in reply yet. I guess my big concern is that this seemingly divinely inspired (this is the only explanation I have for it) push to get to know her will either not be mutual, and I will come across as a big idiot, or I’ll somehow screw it up, like so many other times before. Please, God, not this time.
I know I need to file for divorce. I am broke until the end of January, when I can get another student loan and aford a lawyer.
I’ll go ahead and be the cynical guy who ruins everyone’s fun by saying that it seems you’re on the rebound, and it’s going to take you a while to get your perspective back. You’ve got what, a photo and a couple of paragraphs? Easy there, cowboy.
Believe me, that’s the first thing I thought of. But the whole situation is unbelievably weird. I’m in the public library right now, and fine-looking women of all ages keep walking by, and I have absolutely no feelings at all for them. I cannot explain this situation, even to myself. I just want this to go the way it’s supposed to go, and of course I hope it’s the way I want to be.
There’s only one person who can ruin the fun, and you’re not her!
I have never felt like this about anybody, including the woman I married. Who here believes in soulmates?
Are you separated or still living with your wife? If you are still living with your wife, forget about it until you’ve moved out and started your divorce. The first thing you learn as a woman is that every personal ad gets at least one response from a married man who says he doesn’t want to be married but is really just looking for a little on the side. You do not want to be lumped in with that group.
I believe in love at first sight - I also believe in dysfunction at first sight. And that you don’t know which you’ve managed to do until you’ve been in the relationship a while.
I also believe that sometimes people come into your life for a reason. I was married and trying to have a child with a man who was emotionally incapable of having children, but he was hiding it from himself and from me. At this time, a man came into my life that made me feel like you are feeling - like he was my soulmate (and the way we thought alike at times was amusingly frightening). It forced me to look at my marriage, and it created a crack in my marriage that my husbands problems created into a gaping hole. Looking into that hole I saw that my marriage needed to end. And knowing this person also gave me a little warmth and happiness where I didn’t have any.
So this person may be your soulmate - but she may just be the key which unlocks the door leading to your new life. But you need to open the door and get past your current situation before you try to bring her into your life.
I’ve felt that way before, myself. When the two of you have been dating for a year, check back. If you still feel that way, then it’s for real.
But until you’ve had a single interaction with this person, I’m sorry, I know it feels crazy, like you’re meant to be together, but you’re fooling yourself. This isn’t love. I don’t know what it is, it may be the rebound thing, with me it’s usually been another manifestation of loneliness. But if you’re pinning all your hopes on things going well with this one woman, you’re setting yourself up to get hurt.
At first I thought this was going to be a “we met on-line, have been chatting for weeks, but haven’t met yet” story, in which case I can relate and would wish you luck. But you’re basing your fantasy on a picture and a couple of paragraphs and you haven’t interacted with this woman at all yet. You really need to get a grip, I think.
I know. That’s the scary part. All I can do is close my eyes, hold my nose, and jump in. And hope the water’s deep enough. I’ll let you know how it goes.
FYI, my wife moved out in October, but we had been separated over the summer before I moved back in for a couple of months.