Keep it. Trump voters wanted me to have this tax money, so now I’ll have it.
The intended purpose of the tax refund is to give more money to people who already can’t spend the money they have. So to truly act like its intended recipients you should convert the money into cash, frame it, and hang it on your wall.
Well, to act like the Treasury Secretary, you could post pictures of yourself holding your bling. Bonus points for looking as ridiculous as possible. Then hold onto your money, because you’ll need it.
Keep it, do not spend it. While this may seem selfish, the larger point is that there’s a certain logical consistency in Republican thinking: the less money the government has, the fewer services they are able to provide, and the more you’re going to have to provide for yourself, like replacing your own streetlights and filling your own potholes. Or, realistically, just saying “fuck it” and moving to an upscale gated community with all the other Republicans. Of course there is a large swath of the population that won’t be able to do any of that (and won’t get the tax cut, either). It sucks to be them, a fact that you will realize as you become accustomed to thinking like a Republican.
And, as already noted, you must keep in mind that the vast majority, if not all, of the tax cut recipients already have more money than they can spend, so you should strive to emulate them. I endorse the idea of taking it all out in cash and piling it up where you can look at it daily, and perhaps pray to it and use it to remind you that you’re better off than most of your fellow Americans. You could recite the Republican Benediction:
“For it is by grace that I have been saved. This pile of Money which I see before me is the good and perfect gift from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights. I thank the Lord for this pile of Money, that I shall not suffer tribulations nor perish like my fellows, for surely it sucks to be them. Amen.”
If you absolutely must buy something, you could honor the style of the current leader by buying some cheap chintzy pretentious crap that tries to make it look like you have money but obviously no taste, like a bad plaster reproduction of Michelangelo’s David spray-painted in gold paint and turned into a pissing fountain, and planting it in the middle of your living room. For an added touch of class, David’s disgusting private parts could be covered by a tasteful LED screen, in the shape of a codpiece, that displays a highly exaggerated tally of your net worth, updated daily.
Oh, that’s different.
Lessee, the MOST Republican thing you could do is to give it to the RNC, for them to distribute to the Republican candidate of their choice (it couldn’t be a candidate of YOUR choice, silly; you’re just regular people, and not qualified to make such a decision).
In case your expressed desire to do something Republican with the money was intended as irony, you might want to think about using it to have some really nice-looking resumes printed up, for when the Pubbies blow up the economy and you have to re-enter the workforce.
I believe the second psalm goes:
And on the next day after that, my offshore accounts still awaited for the glorious trumpetings of The Tax Cuts, bequeathing unto ourselves the Holy Lucre. As the Poors assayed to impugn our divine, God-given Birthright, the Glorious Bounty that is Our Sacrosanct Money has, instead, inured us, has provided us Succour and Sustenance, from the depredations, admonishings and scowlings of the Horribly Unwashed.
One of the cartoons in this week’s New Yorker has the stereotypical plutocrat standing with his son overlooking his vast empire. He’s showing his son a sheet of paper: “Someday all these anonymous offshore accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge.” 
I’m accepting donations for my daughter’s therapy. I have tried every way now to get her help but the only clinics that accept our insurance aren’t taking new clients.
I don’t know. Is it better to help a lot of people a little bit, or one person a lot?
Or just go to Cabo and enjoy the fruits of your labors?
Deposit it in a Cayman Islands bank account.
Incidentally, in case anyone thought that my prayer satire was just a silly joke, I give you Robert Murray, chairman and CEO of Murray Energy Corp, operator of one of the most deadly and environmentally destructive coal mining empires in the world. He read a prayer to some of his staff members on the day after Obama was re-elected in 2012, while also laying off 54 people at American Coal, one of his subsidiary companies, and 102 at Utah American Energy, blaming a “war on coal” by the Obama administration:
The takers outvoted the producers. In response to this, I have turned to my Bible and in II Peter, Chapter 1, verses 4-9 it says, ‘To faith we are to add goodness; to goodness, knowledge; to knowledge, self control; to self control, perseverance; to perseverance, godliness; to godliness, kindness; to brotherly kindness, love.’
Lord, please forgive me and anyone with me in Murray Energy Corp. for the decisions that we are now forced to make to preserve the very existence of any of the enterprises that you have helped us build.
So spake the billionaire profiteer exploiting one of the world’s largest polluters of our waters and air, killer of coal miners, and general scourges on the environment. Praise the Lord.
I’m sorry but donations are only the Republican thing if the therapy is because she’s an oppressed Christian who isn’t free to oppress people the way she sees fit.
For other types of therapy, less important ones like medical needs, the Republican thing to do is have a spaghetti dinner.
You could do the Democratic thing and buy the beer.
Buy a gun, or two, or twelve, preferably Russian made, so you can support our second amendment and our greatest ally at the same time. Great for taking care of Libruls, tax men, and other varmints, and may prove useful when the unwashed masses come to their senses and storm the Bastille.
Buy a marvelous painting by one of history’s greatest artists, and hang it somewhere no one but you will ever be able to see it.
Invest now, so that someday you can die as a multimillionaire. It wouldn’t have been worth it before, what with those death taxes and all. But now dying rich is a great deal!
Just don’t go spending every darn penny you have on booze or women or movies. (That’s the secret most people forget.)
Wait, aren’t you supposed to hire more people when your tax burden goes down?
That’s the de juro economy – i.e.- the pretend economy according to the Republican playbook, which doesn’t actually exist.
The de facto economy – the real one – works like this:
If a Democrat is elected, then regardless of whether taxes go up, down, or stay the same, there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and what you do is pray to the Lord God for help in getting through these dark and difficult times. And then you lay off a whole bunch of people, because you just know it’s going to be bad.
If a Republican is elected and cuts your taxes, you thank him nicely and kick back a bit of it to his election coffers to keep him in power so he can keep doing stuff like that for you. And then you lay off a whole bunch of people, because you can. You just automated one of your plants and moved the rest to China, so you don’t need the fuckers.
Think about this for a minute.
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Just save it. These days you can’t save too much.
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If you have any debt, pay it all off. (That’s what I plan to use my tax cut for, if the bill passes)
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Save…most of it. Buy something nice for yourself with the rest.
Nice that you’re getting one. If I get a cut at all this year it won’t be much, and will be far more than offset by the rise in my health insurance premiums due to the games Trump has played and the mandate repeal for the next year. I expect my taxes will actually go up a bit.