Help me fight back against the evils of food and foodism.
Now many people will point out that every single person in the history of the human race has believed in food. But that’s a classic example of a majoritarian argument. Plainly if there’s no scientific evidence for food, then it doesn’t matter how many people believe in it. Everyone who claims to have tasted food must be lying or insane.
We know that food doesn’t exist because of the wide variation in beliefs about it. Those who lived in Europe in the Middle Ages believed that they ate grains, potatoes, and dairy. In Asia they mostly believed in rice. Many Native American Tribes thought that their diet consisted of corn and beans. Obviously if there was a universal substance that provided nourishment to the human race, beliefs about it would be the same everywhere. The geographic variation proves that food is a social construct, and that belief in it is reinforced by cultural practices rather than empirical evidence.
It’s very clear why so many primitive and ignorant tribes believed in food. For early human beings, existence was always precarious and there were many mysterious aspects of existence that they couldn’t explain. In such frightening and uncontrollable circumstances, it’s natural that primitive people would make up mythology about a magical substance that supposedly granted life, health, and vitality.
Now for most of history, the foodists have pointed to the Bible as the primary source of information about food. But we all know that the Bible is just a meaningless jumble of myths and fairy tales. Repeated archaeological investigations in the Middle East have failed to turn up a single example of any of the foods described in the Bible. Thus we can safely conclude that the ancient Israelites did not actually eat food as the Bible says, giving us more proof for the non-existence of food. (Not that we needed more proof.)
Yet despite the fact that it originated from a miasma of myth and folklore, foodism persists in many areas of the world to this day. And the history of the human race is littered with acts of violence and cruelty committed by those who believed in food. During the Middle Ages, foodists burned people at the stake. Slave owners were devoted foodists. Hitler and the Nazis believed in food.
The only reason why people believe in food is because they’re taught to do so. Almost from the moment that a baby is born, the parents start literally jamming food down its throat. Children are told that horrible things will happen if they don’t eat food. Clearly this is a form of child abuse. Obviously children be allowed to form their own opinions about whether food exists or not. Yet the foodists know that if they didn’t give children food, they would never grow up to be food-eating adults. Consequently they try to warp their kids’ minds around food at an early age.
We can see the negative effects of food everywhere we look. Millions of people suffer from food-related disorders such as obesity and anorexia. Hundreds of thousands of people die each year because of the ill effects of food–even the foodist authority figures admit it. Plainly if food causes such horrible consequences for so many people, the only rational course of action is to stop believing in it. Yet instead we see people building more and more restraunts and grocery stores.
Yet despite the news that food is becoming more and more common. I believe that we are moving into a post-food society, one where humanity will finally live free from the evils of nutrition. Probably it won’t happen in our lifetimes, but nevertheless it will happen. Why do you think the foodists are all so desperate? Everywhere we look, tyrannical foodist organizations such as McDonald’s are trying to force their beliefs and burgers on us. Obviously they sense that the demise of foodism is coming, and that’s why they’re becoming so hysterical.
Some people, of course, will say that an afoodist society is impossible. They’ll try pointing out that previous cases of existence without food lead to the deaths of millions of people. But I say they’re just trying to use a guilt by association argument. Just because afoodism has never worked in the past doesn’t mean that it won’t automatically lead to a utopia in the future. Just because afoodism has killed tens of millions of innocent people doesn’t mean that it isn’t a perfect belief system.
