I have a 750 word paper due friday, a character analysis of father in Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, and I cannot for the life of me get it started. I am not asking for help, I only ask that you yell, cajole, sweet-talk, or bitch at me to get started. In doing so, please remember that this is not the pit.
The main reason I can’t get enthusiastic about this is because it is so obviously a punishment for a few people in the class, inflicted on the rest of us too. I’m too angry at the woman who used to be my favroite professer to want to do a good job. I have I tendancy to idealize people…
I’ll shut up. Please, yell away.
If you don’t get started on the paper, I will be forced to root for the LA Clippers this year. Now get to it!!
Just realize that the main interpretation, which you will be expected to notice, even if you discard it, is that he is a mentally ill man, not a roach, or even an invalid.
Write yer paper or Yankee pitchers will start throwing bat pieces at you!
But my teacher thinks he’s a roach, and we’re suposed to suck up to her! At least, if we want her to be fair…
Anyway, I’m still not motivated. The 'rents sent me a halloween care package full of candy, and I’m busy getting fat.
C’mon, relic, get that paper started! Think of how good you’ll feel once it’s finished – how light, how giddy, how free! If you think about it, 750 words is barely three pages, double spaced. You can knock that out in a few hours.
Let’s get psyched about this paper. Woohoo! Kafka rules! Yaaay! 
Yeah, that’s about as motivating as I get on a Wednesday night.
There are stupid people in this class. (I don’t care where you are, there are stupid people in every English class.) Stupid people don’t do the reading. It is probably the fact that stupid people don’t do their reading that got you into this mess. Now if you don’t do your paper, even the stupid people that didn’t do their reading and got you into this mess will get a better grade than you! Now get up and write that paper!
::gets out cattle prod::
“Bzzt!”… “Bzzt”…
All better?
“Bzzt”…
Just making sure…
Say, can I borrow that cattle prod later?
Okay, it’s easy. This is the internet. There’s got to be thousands of places where you can find such garbage already done. Just borrow concepts, mix together and serve up a fresh dish of garbage!
Always hated crap like this.
Write the paper, knowing that in a few months, youll have moved on and the prof will still be stuck teaching the same garbage to students even more annoyed than you.