He’s afraid of flying and you fear road trips. Why don’t you negotiate for a flying vacation to somewhere fun, in exchange for going on his road trip?
Seriously, you two are fucked up if you two can’t each give in on this. Each form of travel has it’s pluses and minuses, but neither is worth putting strife on your relationship.
It seems to me like you don’t have a fear of anything but certain types of discomfort and boredom, and I wouldn’t call those “fears”.
Bring a pillow along with you. Any time you start to get scared, scream into the pillow until you feel better.
In other words, you can just let yourself be scared. Maybe the only problem is that you think you have to get rid of the fear. Go on the trip despite the fear.
Tell me how it goes.
I suggested a similar scenario a few years ago: He drives, I fly, meet you there. He wouldn’t go for it.
Second scenario: We both fly to a midpoint place – say, for instance, Chicago. We rent a car there and go on our merry way. We either drop the car off somewhere else and fly back from there or we drive back to, say, Chicago, drop off the car, then fly home.
He wouldn’t go for that either.
Most of his coworkers take cruises. There’s a weekly cruise to Bermuda leaving from Boston. Many of my friends have gone on it and recommend it. Nope…because he wouldn’t know what to do with himself on a ship. I know this is crazy because, even though I’ve never been on one, I know there’s usually a ton of stuff to do.
Yeah, the distance shocked me too. My friend loves, loves, LOVES to drive. She has family both up in ME and in KY, so for her it’s nothing to make the great big looping round trip a few times a year. Her husband usually accompanies her on one trip, but not on every one because he’s more like me in this scenario. We had no itinerary because she had to be in KY at X time, so it was a straight shot.
The friends live in certain points in Iowa. There’s also a cluster of them in the TX panhandle near Amarillo and a few outside of Oklahoma City.
I visited a friend in Dallas a few years ago (I flew, of course, LOL). The minute we drove onto the interstate I couldn’t believe how huge the sky was and how flat everything was!
The Metroplex is probably the size of my portion of MA, LOL. Or maybe the whole of RI.
Thank you, I might.
No need to get snarky there, btw.
Read what I posted to Annamika.
I agree, this whole thing shouldn’t be difficult to negotiate. Why this particular issue is a sticking point is anyone’s guess, considering that we both negotiate pretty well on everything else.
I’m not sure I’m seeing a lot of fear or anxiety in your detailed descriptions. I’m mostly seeing that a long car trip is something he would enjoy immensely and you would hate immensely.
I think the compromise of you flying part or all of the way to minimize your exposure to the bits he likes and you hate is very reasonable. Especially given the whole premise of the trip is to visit his friends. I’m tempted to suggest “well, fuck off then” as a response to him “not going for that”. You may consider a more diplomatic approach but IMHO he is not being reasonable.
That is Eastern Maine to Western KY so that is the extreme. Also she was picked up in Mass.
Google maps always lists a longer time than it takes me. I can make it from central Indiana to Boston in about 12 hours or less (they list 14.5). Louisville is only two hours further… and that may not be the most direct route.
The Midwest is a big area though so it would help to know a little more specifics on where you are going.
I also say to break it up into smaller legs and find some fun places to stop on the way.
It does seem problematic that you and your husband can’t seem to come to a compromise. But that may be a thought for… well help… or a different thread.
I can understand fear of flying. As I’ve aged I’ve grown to appreciate heights. Flying is no problem at all though. Edges of buildings make me a little bit uncomfortable. And my roofing days are over.
Boredom is no fun either. My Wife and I both take long driving and flying trips. For driving we do always rent books (library) to play in the car. It helps a great bit to pass the time for us (I know you mentioned this does not help in your OP).
Oh, gotcha. I was confused - I thought the OP wa from MA, not ME.
Here’s the solution: your friend should vacation with your husband, and you should vacation with your friend’s husband. 
I am from MA. My friend was in ME and picked me up along the way. From where she was in ME to me was roughly 2 hours IIRC.
From MA to mid-KY (Lexington area) might be less than 24 hours, but as I mentioned upthread, we made a detour to have lunch with a mutual friend. That added hours since we had to go off route.
Exactly.
Whenever we’ve gone away – let’s say up to NH or ME – we haven’t had issues. It’s not THAT long of a drive for me to get antsy. My husband is happy that he’s driving.
It’s just that he’s so set on seeing these particular friends. I posted upthread where they live. It’s the distance plus my antsy-ness at being cooped up in a car regardless of how many times we stop and explore. He refuses to even consider flying because of the TSA rules as in “Nobody’s going to make ME wait in a fucking line for fucking X hours” (really, it makes him that upset). So I guess in a way it’s antsy-ness on both our parts?
I’ve bounced past him the idea of him going by himself. He’s got clients out in MN and he’s driven out there before. The last time he visited part of the IA contingent was at the end of his MN visit. That was about two years ago, I think.
He wants me to go because I’ve never met most of them. They couldn’t afford to come here for our wedding X years ago. I’ve spoken to many of them on the phone but other than the social niceties, I know nothing of them.
Frankly, this is sounding a lot like his project, his problem. It’s sweet that he wants to show you off, but he has to realize that’s all for his benefit, not yours.
Offering to fly in and meet him there is more than generous.
Well, part of the boredom aspect is that between New England and the Midwest, there’s not anything all that striking to see. I mean, there are plenty of interesting places to visit along the way if you wanted to, but nothing spectacular about the terrain. Except for parts of it being flatter than others, it’s not gonna look that different from home.
We did a month-long road trip over 30 years ago - a memory I still treasure. We were living in North Carolina, and didn’t really feel the trip had begun until the third day when we crossed the Colorado state line. And we were in a Mazda 626 loaded with supplies (camping stuff), luggage, food (cooler + non-cooler snacks) and so on so it was a tight squeeze.
We’ve driven from the DC area to the Chicago area several times and it’s a boring, long, shoot-me-now kind of drive - we wind up taking turnpike after turnpike, with associated traffic jams (seldom with any visible cause, mind you). The first time we did it, it was with a 3 year old who decided that cars were no longer an instant “go to sleep NOW” tool… and a 3 month old who screamed the entire drive. It takes us about 12-14 hours if we make very good time, don’t speed TOO blatantly, and barely stop; I’m guessing for you it’d be 18-20 hours, so if you do make the trip, tell your husband you are NOT doing it one day.
The 24-hours-solid sounds pretty painful - that’s brutal. It’s amazing how exhausting it is to just sit in a car. We drive to Florida periodically (about a thousand miles); we always stop about 2/3 of the way there, and we always find the second day feels as long as the first.
Consider some alternatives: Is physical comfort an issue? I’d hate to make a trip like that in our Civic. Our CRV is more tolerable but you could consider renting a roomier car so you have legroom. You could take a train out to, say, Chicago, and get a car there and road-trip just that part of it. With a train you can walk around while you’re on the move, and no need to worry about finding a bathroom or a gas station.
If you do drive, look up every kind of roadside attraction you can. Many will be cheesy as hell but it can be a diversion to stop at a couple of them.
Er, what speed do you drive??? :eek:
My experience with Google Maps suggests that it assumes:
In practice we find that we rarely average more than 60, factoring in stops etc. So a 600 mile trip will take us at least 10 hours (and when we’re driving and traffic permits, we usually go 5-8 miles over the speed limit).
Simple, then: he drives to the midwest and you go on a cruise.
Actually reading the entire post where you suggested alternatives that he just shot down, he’s being a brat.
I’m closer to your husband on the idea of what makes a vacation (a beach for a day is one thing. A beach for several days? What do you do?) and I love driving on road trips. That said, the compromise of his driving and picking you up at the airport near where his friends are seems like the best bet.
The other option I can think of is predetermined stops (and predetermined planned hotel rooms at each stop). Not “drive for a while and stop when you get to an interesting town or you feel like pulling over” but knowing that you’ll be spending one night in Albany, the next at Niagara Falls, the next in Cleveland, then Chicago, then getting to his friends’ place (or something similar). That way you’d be able to know that you only have so many hours in the car every day and you’d be able to easily answer your “are we there yet?” question.