We will be travelling from Chicago to Denver for a wedding. While our preference is to fly (1st class) we suggested to another couple who is also attending, the possibility of renting a minivan and driving together. It is 14-hr straight drive.
The wife of the other couple said, "If we do, my husband will want to do all of the driving."
That just struck me as really odd. The guy is not a professional driver. As far as I can recall, he has never ridden in a car driven by me or my wife, and both of us have clean driving records. And the day after we get there, we are going to be expected to be up for social events - not wiped out from a lengthy solo drive.
I’m just wondering, why would someone want to do ALL of the driving?
Full disclosure - the other couple is my daughter and SIL. They will be travelling w/ their 3 yr-old. And the wedding is my son’s. The main reason we made the suggestion of possibly driving is that they are not overly wealthy, and 3 plane tickets will be a lot more of a burden to them than 2 tickets are to us.
I’m not upset - just confused. Can’t imagine why someone would not want to at least share the driving among 4 adults.
Some people are control freaks. If they are in a car they need to be in control at all times. They can’t handle sitting in a vehicle for 14 hours and not being in control.
Some people just like driving. If I were in your shoes, I’d say “Sure, thanks!”, and let him do it. The only one who needs to know his reason is him. Unless you like driving enough to want to do it, too?
We’ve already told them we will be giving them more than enough $ for plane tickets, because they won’ t be on a ski trip we are taking with our other 2 kids. As I understand, they intend to use that $$ either for this trip or to buy a new car. Maybe if they buy a new car, they can drive that…
Couple reasons I don’t say, “Go ahead.”
First, what if I don’t like the way he drives? I don’t mind driving, and could imagine a couple hour stint as breaking up a long trip. Moreover, the SIL tends to complain of headaches and pain of a frequency that makes me wary of what shape he’d be in after a solo 14+ hr drive. (Hell, I’m not sure what shape I’d be in! ;))
Call it what you want, but I’ve never ridden with anybody (not counting bus drivers and such) who I considered to be as good or a better driver than me. Many have be noticeably poor drivers.
Not paying attention, not thinking/planning ahead, poor execution, reckless or overly cautious (the last one is arguable not bad, but infuriating).
I love driving, am a good driver, and feel safer at the wheel than I would having someone else drive.
Not so pertinent, since you’ve never driven together, but . .
My BFF is the most atrocious driver I’ve ever met – she’s so pathologically cautious that she is as dangerous as a careless speed demon. I won’t go anywhere with her unless I drive. She’s also an awful passenger; we had a spat because she kept leaning forward to check the mirror when I changed lanes, thusly impairing my ability to see.
My brother was in the backseat of a car driven by a friend. The friend fell asleep and ran off the road. The car rolled several times and ended up in water. My brother was awake the entire time.
Twenty years later he still gets shaky if he is in a car but not driving.
Motion sickness. I have severe motion sickness if I’m not driving. If you tried to make me a passenger for longer than 30 minutes, I’d be puking in your lap. No, Dramamine or scopolamine don’t work.
So, the “wife of the other couple” is your daughter. I would imagine she’s in a position to know all of the people, and their driving habits, pretty well, yes?
Choose the Likeliest:
a) She really doesn’t like the way you drive. Or the way your spouse drives.
b) She knows your SIL is one of those people who get majorly nervous when someone else is driving.
d) She thinks it would be too much wear and tear for you (and/or your spouse i.e., her other parent, yes?) to do your share of the driving and thinks of this as the rough equivalent of “OK, but we’re picking up the tab”
My father thinks he is the best driver in the world. In fact he is dangerously fast and has no interest whatsoever in the speed limits. I’m not talking 60 in a 55 here, I’m talking about driving through a heavy fog at 85 or 90 and claiming to his terrified passengers that if you go fast enough the air forms a “bow wave” in front of the car so you can see the road. He will also have several drinks in the course of an evening and then insist upon driving.
He gets incredibly antsy if anyone else is driving, and gives constant corrections and urges to drive faster. As an adult, I have never gotten into a car with him without insisting that I would drive. The rest of the family thinks that I’m the arsehole, and say I disrespect my Dad by refusing to let him drive. My Stepmother thinks it’s horrible of me because it makes him so uncomfortable.
Whatever. If it’s Dad, separate cars or I’m driving.
Many people do also get very protective with their child in the car. They feel that no one else will be as careful as they will, and they may be right.
One of my BFFs always drives, and I love it because I’m the driver for almost everything else I do with anyone else (or, I’m alone a lot). Since she drives so much she’s a great driver.
When we were teens, I was always driving her around, in her car, cuz she preferred it (and I didn’t mind and I knew where I was going). Once she got pregnant she says she developed motion sickness while a passenger in a car and now she always drives.
Anyway, she suffers from motion sickness but we never talk about it. She’s got diabetes and “trigger finger” and her knees hurt sometimes but if you asked her what her “ailments” are she probably wouldn’t add “motion sickness.” Because really it’s just a problem when she’s a passenger in a car so she drives and that’s that.
I suspect if your SIL has it, it might just be when he drives, and your daughter doesn’t even think of it as a condition he has…he just always drives and that’s how it is. It’s only come up now because it’s a condition of him going on this trip.
A few years ago we took a cross country (California to Tennessee and back) driving trip to visit family. I think (though I can’t recall for certain at this point) the original idea was that **Rhiannon8404 **and I would split the driving, but as it turned out I drove all 4500-or-so miles. I’d do it again tomorrow if I could.
Now, if we were in a van with another couple? I wouldn’t *insist *on driving the entire way, but I’d certainly volunteer to drive on Day 1, and probably would never ask anyone to spell me unless they really, really insisted on it.
Regardless of what everyone has said, and there might be good reasons for your SIL to want to drive, I’d be nervous about being in a car with anyone who was planning on driving 14 hours, straight. Even with rest stops. I’ve probably done that myself on a few occasions, but it’s not the smartest thing in the world to do.
If it were 14hrs in one go of course I’d let other drivers spell me, though I might still stretch that far if alone. For just a full 8-10 hr day of driving then relax at dinner and motel, usual mode when when my wife and I take road trips, I often do all the driving. I like to drive especially my current car, have had no serious accidents (and very few at all) and one moving violation in 40+yrs of driving, and I get better gas mileage than most people on the highway. I don’t get sick as passenger and am not a ‘control freak’ in general. I just prefer to drive, and my wife, who is also a good driver, doesn’t especially like road trip driving and doesn’t mind. If I feel sleepy or unwell she takes over, as happens time to time.
