Help me, I'm a lurker!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have been a member of this board for four years. After all this time I have less than 500 posts. I have come to realize that I have never substantially contributed an educated opinion, nor have I initiated anything controversial. I have come to the horrifying conclusion that I am lurker. I don’t want to be lurker. I want a way out! How do I break out?

BTW, I will be a Charter Member soon, so don’t worry about my Guest status.

2

I think you’ve found the way out! ohhh…watch out for that…

::::splat::::

I’ve seen your posts, and you have contributed to this board. Sorry…you’re not a lurker.

3

Hey, no problem! Just follow me around for a couple of weeks, and post admiring responses to my messages:

“Wow, ETF, I never thought of it that way. You’ve really opened my eyes.”

“ETF, could you explain that second point more fully? I always thought it was the other way around, but you’re so persuasive.”

“Oh, my golly, ETF – you’ve got to be one of the funniest Dopers on the SDMB!”

This will accomplish several things:

  1. You’ll boost your post count to respectable levels in a jiffy.
  2. You’ll find yourself in byways of the board you’d never dreamed of entering before.
  3. You’ll attract attention as my faithful follower, leading to such recognition as:
    a. “Zamboni, join the fan club! Isn’t she great?”
    b. “You know, there are other Dopers with worthwhile stuff to say – you ought to check them out.”
    c. “Zamboni, you tool, do you have to lick up every drop of spittle that syphilitic idiot spews all over this board?”

I guarantee you, you’ll lose your lurker virginity, for sure. :stuck_out_tongue:

4

I’ve seen your posts, and you have contributed to this board. Sorry…you’re not a lurker.
[/QUOTE]

I have always felt that I followed in others’ wakes. This is really my complaint. I feel that I haven’t started anything that will make waves.

I’m having a quarter-life crisis on a message board. I need to get a life

5

Well, in the midst of your crisis, **The Great Zamboni ** - we’re all here for ya. Except - do you realize that EddyTeddyFreddy is…well, let’s just say he doesn’t deserve your adolation as much as I do. :smiley:

6

Is there something you’d like to tell us about yourself, dear? :wink:

Zamboni, just start posting in flirt threads. Oh, and make sure to join in whenever someone is getting gangbanged in the Pit. Oh, and go over to GQ and make something up, then find some figures to support it. Not only will it boost your post count, there are plenty in the business and political fields who make a good living that way :slight_smile:

7

Blonde, would you care to drop over to the “Predict the Death of the Previous Poster” thread? I have something rather special in mind for you…

8

Bring it on, cowboy…er, cowgirl. :smiley:

9

I’m a card-carrying member of the ETF fan club. Membership has its benefits.

Not sure yet what they are though.

ETF, do I get to call you a “syphilitic idiot,” or does that only come with the premium membership?

10

Hey, I wanna join the ETF School of Self Propaganda. I want to be noticed, dammit (urg, crappy ol’ keyboard with the busted exclamation point

Tell me what to do?

11

Wish granted.

12

That’s a pay-per-post feature. :stuck_out_tongue:

13

Can I prepay for seven: “syphilitic idiots,” three “psychotic crackwhores,” and one “fetid phlegm-slurper?”

14

:::SLAP!:::

15

Don’t feel bad, I don’t really consider myself a lurker, and I’ve never contributed anything of substance to this board either. :smiley:

16

We love lurkers on the SDMB.

Are you one of those who wear nothing under a trenchcoat, have a Kleenex in one hand and a bag of candy in the other?

Rumor has it a lot of people on the SDMB will get in your car and go for a ride for $4.95.

17

Oh, you’re aking for the group discount, huh? You’ll need to add six “blatherskites” and four from either “worthless gits” or “gormless dung-eaters”. No, “goat-felchers” doesn’t count toward the minimum; we have enough of those already.

18

ETF has hijacked my thread. :slight_smile: Give it back!

I had no idea this would be taken so seriously. I was asking toungue-in-cheek! I do have tricks to end my status as a lurker.

19

Too late! The cat’s out of the bag. :wink:

Can you sit up and beg? Roll over? Play dead? – no, you’ve been doing that trick so long there are vultures circling overhead. :stuck_out_tongue:

20

Now, see there zamboni? You missed a perfect opportunity to:

a)Make a meaningful post to correct Blonde’s misspelling of either adoration or adulation.
b)Start an all-out war by making nasty remarks as to Blonde having the literary IQ of asphalt
c)Begin a debate about whether such a word should be included in the dictionary
d)Be the subject of a pit thread by Blonde for being such a nitpicking nance.

It’s all just a matter of figuring out how much of an attention slut you want to be.