Help Me Keep My New Year's Resolution

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I don’t always have New Year’s Resolutions. This year I have only one.

I want to become more positive.

Of late, I find that I am in danger of becoming one of those bitter old women that everybody hates. I believe that I’ve managed to fend off the condition for awhile through a powerful sense of humor that I’ve developed over the years. But I’ve been listening to how I think and respond to situations in life, and let me tell you this.

My inner voice is a bitch. It calls me idiot and dumbass all the time. It looks for the worst, and finds it even in blessings. It expects disappointment, and feels smugly “I was right” when it happens.

How did I get this way? A lot of things over the last fifty-plus years.

I won’t bore you with details. It would take too long, and I don’t want this thread to become a Can You Top This Misery? contest. However, here is what has been involved in my life:

Growing up it was dealing with long term parental alcoholism, adultery, family fights and estrangement, religious fundamentalism, ie: Jehovah’s Witnesses and all the rampant sexism, social isolationism, anti-intellectualism, and a rigid code of behavior that belief entails, and long term sexual harassment from boys in school.

Once grown, it was twenty-five years of taking care of parents enfeebled by disease. For nine years it was my father with muscular dystrophy, and five years before he died, my mother had the first of her strokes. She is now ninety years old, and I think has the beginnings of dementia. I still take care of her at home.

I also work full time. I work at the same company that laid me off for six years, seven years ago. I have over thirty years of experience, but I’m paid entry level wages. I’m not complaining after six years of temp work, but I don’t like to think about my employment situation much.

Myself? I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was thirty, but I had that condition since I was twelve. August, 1974, and I’ve been wanting to be dead on and off ever since. Permanent solution to a temporary problem, my ass.

I’m diabetic and asthmatic and very, very tired.

Oh, and I’m a lifelong celibate. It’s due to a mixture of religious upbringing and spite. Of everything, it’s the least of my worries.

Well, there it is. Now, in 2017, I’m hoping to become a more positive person.

But I don’t know how.

Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Happy New Year.

2

Are you in treatment for your depression? That’s most important.

I can only share what I stumbled across recently (Facebook, probably). Instead of saying, “I’m sorry,” try saying “Thank you.”

For instance, instead of saying, “I’m sorry for the wait,” try saying, “Thank you for your patience.”

I found it an intriguing idea, to share gratitude instead of blaming myself, and I’m going to give it a shot. Yesterday my boss was pointing out some things I’d missed in the review of my staff’s work. Instead of getting pissed off at myself (and her) I thanked her for catching the errors.

It made a difference.

I don’t know how much you want to change, but you can’t do it all at once. Baby steps. Good luck and we’re here if you want to chat.

3

Nice idea. I think I will try it.

Yes, I’m on antidepressants, and in talk therapy. Unfortunately, the therapy soon will end because it will no longer be a free program then. I can’t afford to continue it, and it’s really only moderately helpful, in my opinion.

4

It sounds like you’ve had to deal with a lot of shit but you take it out on yourself instead of accepting that you’ve been forced to eat shit sandwiches for a long time. For positive thinking I’d suggest that you stop blaming yourself, or taking it out on yourself. None of it is your fault. You do deserve better. So that’s where your positive thinking can go: try to change your inner voice to positive messages.

Instead of calling yourself an idiot or dumb ass, just admit (inner voice) that you made a simple mistake. Everyone makes little mistakes on a daily basis. Everyone makes big mistakes on occasion. Change “dumb ass!” to “oops!”.

Also, this is recommended by some women’s support groups: try a self affirming exercise. Name one thing you like about yourself, no matter how trivial. Hair color? Nice teeth? Good at puzzles? Are you compassionate or kind? Identify it and name it. Do that once a day, naming the same thing for several days in a row (because repetition will help it sink in). If it’s something physical (for example while I kind of hate my appearance, my favorite feature is my (natural) hair color) admire it in the mirror for a minute each day.

Then come up with another one. Allow yourself to be kind to yourself. I think when your inner voice is less critical of yourself, it will show up as a less negative attitude overall.

5

Do you have a network of people to build you up? IOW, you are what you surround yourself with.
(If not you might pick a few people that you can touch base with… I would be willing to help)

Spend more time petting your kitties. They are a natural antidepressant.

HUGS Best of luck.

6

Google “Inner Critic” to find articles about how to deal with that inner voice. Here’s one from Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201305/4-ways-overcome-your-inner-critic
I’ve also read that at the end of the day, think of three things from your day that you’re grateful for (truly grateful for, not what you think you should be grateful for). In my case it would be two cats and try to come up with one more thing, but I think it would be good to vary it everyday. You may find yourself looking for these things during the day as it goes along which helps.

7

Thank you to all who responded.

Yes, I plan to pet my kitties a lot. They don’t make me gassy like my pills do. Of course, I will continue to take my pills as well.

I like the idea of repetitive self compliments. For too long, I’ve felt compelled to minimize my accomplishments for fear of appearing boastful. It’s time for me to enjoy the things I do well.

I also like the idea about finding things to be grateful for. One neat trick I have is mentally narrating my life in the third person, like a novel. It really helps to focus on the present. Like today, for example, I had a glass of ice water with my breakfast. As I drank it, it felt so good going down. So I thought to myself, “She felt the cold cascade down her hot gullet to her belly, and smiled to herself.”

Weird? Maybe. But I tell you, I still can remember how good that water was eight hours later as I type this. For that, I’m grateful.

Thank you for posting. You four are very kind.

8

I admire you. It’s very very difficult to make such a radical shift to one’s inner voice. One I plan to try this year: Each week write on a piece of paper the best thing that happened to you… No matter how crappy your week was you will be able to think of something. Fold up the paper and put it in a jar. At the end of the year, read about all the good things that have happened. Happy New Year!

9

Definitely doing this!