A coworker of mine has just invited another officemate and I out tonight for drinks with 2 visiting colleagues from another office in Pennsylvania. Me and officemate are trying to think up ways we can make our coworker uncomfortable as suitable punishment for making us go.
What we have so far:
-REALLY tight clothing
-Matching outfits (we both own the same shirt and pants from Old Navy
-Ordering the same thing all night
-One answers with an overly verbose and intricate answer while the other is restricted to yes/no/somewhat
-Sitting next to each other, eating at the same time, using the opposing hand.
-Derive a system for answering each others sentences, then laughing hysterically and cutting off abruptly.
-Perhaps a litany of jokes that I begin to tell, he finishes the joke before I even get into it and we laugh at a nonsensical punchline
-Conferring before any answer is given in a small huddle
PLEASE help! We’ve only got until 4:30 or so on Monday, and it has to be clean, as well as not get us arrested (so nudity’s out)
Pay some members of a local biker gang to come in the bar and “pick a fight” with you over something really petty and minor.
You and your friend try to “reason” with them.
Then suddenly without warning the bikers begin to lay into you and your friend with chains and baseball bats and a few stabs with knives.
When they leave, you and your friend lay there (possibly dying but let’s hope not) and look at the faces of the others (who won’t know it’s a setup) and laugh yourselves sick.
Or be sick. Anyhow it’ll be something to talk about (when you can talk again) while they rebuild your faces.
I “have” to go as a favor to my colleague, whom I’m friendly with on the outside. Also, I can use this incident as collateral when I want her to do stuff for me.
I don’t think you’ll be able to both “punish” her for “making” you go AND use this incident as collateral for a later favor. Either punish now, or call in your marker later, but not both.
Yeah, God I hate it when I “have” to go out for drinks. What a terrible predicament that is. You might have to drink, chat, eat, and talk about stuff. Wow.
Make references to (fake) embarrassing incidents from your co-worker’s past. ‘I can’t believe you had the guts to come back to this bar! I was sure you wouldn’t be allowed back in after last time…’
You could act like a professional, and do you co-worker/friend a favor without trying to sabotage things. If not, go in a bunch of tourist clothes. Like hats that say FBI, and tie-dyed shirts that have your city’s name on it.
Good point, Scarlett67, we’ve decided to just make it a punishment.
Dressing alike, we’re going to say grace in both english AND hebrew, one will go in for the hug while the other will say “Love Ya” at the end of the evening, we’ll eat using opposite hands, one is going to order like the $10 bet in Ed (“Burger Me”). We’re also working on a series of jokes to tell only the opning line and then the punchline to cut each other off. We’re also on board with Cat Fight’s suggestion of bringing up the embarassing past (“Remember that one time you insisted on peeing in the bar sink? That was a great bar we can’t go back to.”)
And, for all the sourpusses that want us to stay professional, if you can’t pull pranks on your coworkers, then what’s the point in talking to them at all?
When the check comes, “accidentally” drop it on the floor near the coworker so he’ll bend down and pick it up. Then, when he straightens back up, karate kick him in the stomach.