A week or so ago I was sorting through some papers and came upon this list. I can make no sense of it. It is in my own handwriting, but I have no memory of writing it. It is written on paper I have had easy access to for at least 10 years, but it was among other papers that are no more than a couple years old. It is extremely puzzling to me that I can’t remember anything about it—I am generally very good about understanding strange things I have written.
That said, nothing on the list can be taken at face value. If I write myself a note today to help me remember to do something tomorrow, I seldom write what I mean. For instance, if I want to buy dental floss, I will write something like “fleiss”; if I want to remember milk I will write “juice”.
I do understand that all Dopers are not necessarily time-traveling-mind-readers, so I do not expect anyone to give me a comprehensive and internally consistent explanation for this list. I also know that Dopers are imaginative and creative, and few challenges remain unmet. So I am asking for your best explanations for this list—individual items, any connections, overall purpose, and so on. If I can’t make real sense of the list, at least I can make fun of/with it—with your help, of course.
Pencil parts
Trash bag
potato chip
Dish soap
DVD player
Big fat liar
Cow
Hooker
Peanut butter
Sleeping bag
2 piece swimsuit
Science fiction
Shark
screaming frenzy
mental retardation
curfew Violalions
The last item, “curfew Violalions” is written slightly above a crossed-out item that reads (as close as I can tell) “frothing at th”.
I have typed the list as accurately as I can, keeping all instances of capital letters and misspellings.
I will be unable to check and/or respond to replies for 18-24 hours, but please don’t let that put a damper on your speculations.
Well, I don’t know what the original context of these items was, but after reading it four or five times I’ve discovered that they make sazzy substitute lyrics for REM’s "It’s The End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).
Pencil parts
Trash bag
potato chip
Dish soap
2 piece swimsuit Leonard Bernstein
<Homer goes shopping for fireworks at the Li’l Valu-Mart, with a
clerk that looks almost like Apu.>
Hi… ummm… let me have some of those porno magazines… large box of condoms… a couple of those panty shields [quickly] and some illegal fireworks [back to normal] and one of those disposable enemas. Ehhh… make it two.
<Later, Marge goes through Homer’s purchase.>
I don’t know what you have planned tonight, but count me out.
After fininshing this list, put the Pencil parts in a Trash bag. Then have some potato chips. Remember to wash hands with Dish soap when finished. Then rent a movie to watch on new DVD player. Get that one starring the Big fat liar, you know, the one that looks like a Cow and dresses like a Hooker. For dinner, have some tasty Peanut butter and then go to sleep in the ratty old Sleeping bag. Tomorrow, put on a 2 piece swimsuit, go to the beach and read a Science fiction story about a Shark. In the afternoon, go into a screaming frenzy about mental retardation. Since this is an NFL training camp, make sure I don’t commit any curfew Violalions.
I don’t know about the rest of the list, but it’s very clear to me that the first item, in the spirit of “floss” -> “fleiss,” is actually intended to read “penis pants.”
No, no, no deathawk I think you’ll find that…SFSG was smuggling illegal lead into the country using Pencil parts with the plan being, if discovered, to stash them in the nearest Trash bag. However, one slightly rotten potato chip had certain hallucinogenic properties (found in one of the trash bags) had them believing that Dish soap was a truth serum.
Meanwhile, the DVD player that the authorities had found lead them to believe that a Big fat liar had started masquerading as Ermintrude the Cow down at the Docks.
Back to SFSG…things were getting worse. Having been arrested and interrogated by TJ Hooker, who was covered in peanut butter, while wrapped in a sleeping bag and wearing nothing but a 2 piece swimsuit [[my apologies to all Dopers who have just conjured that image in their minds]], suddenly the superhero known as Shark appeared and in a screaming frenzy bit off TJ’s head.
When the dish soap (and the potato chip) wore off you can imagine that a trip to the shrink was foremost on SFSG 's mind but obviously that’s a little difficult when you have to observe curfew Violalions.
OK, I have to know how you made the Me, Myself and Irene connection from the word Cow. This is freaking me out not only because I made the same connection, but I never saw the movie!
