Help me pester the fundies

I need some good atheist one-liners with which to annoy the fundie crowd. My tried-and-true repertoire of Lazarus Long quips is getting old and stale. Anybody got some fresh stuff? Preferably, I’m looking for zingers that have that deadpan, understated contemptuousness that RAH was so delightfully adept at. Hurry, please—the polls are about 300 feet away, and I can see the anti-gay marriage signs bobbing up and down from my window. I think they’re about to start singing…

You could always tell them the brand new theology which I founded:

Jesus died for our sins, alright. But we don’t want Jesus to have died in vain.

Therefore, start sinning!

Every time you pester the fundy, God kills a kitten.


Or, you could stick to the tried and true, “Piss off you thicko [/insert pejorative]s!”

Even better, go and tell them you’re gay and that you’re turned on by them because you know that deep, deep down, they actually want to try some man-pussy but are a bit ashamed of themselves.

If none of that works, I find the punch in the mouth pretty effective.

God created me as an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?

Creationism provides fodder for an unlimited number of jokes but Poe’s law often gets in the way and they don’t understand that it’s supposed to be funny. The Rapture also makes for some good material. I have more fun trolling them with serious questions and watching the steam come out of their ears because most of them have no sense of humor.

(Disclaimer - I mean crazed fundies, not normal theists)

You may like H. L. Mencken

“We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”