Help me shop for Christmas

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

As is traditional at this time of year, I am scrambling to buy the last of my Christmas gifts. I know, I have waited far too long - I was hoping to be able to find the following items myself but have fallen short. I turn to you for help in finding the last handful of things I need to put under the tree this year:

  1. A life-sized cardboard cutout of Bea Arthur

  2. A dildo that looks like the Dildo Creature from Yo Gabba Gabba (image link, work safe - and no, I guess his name isn’t really Dildo Creature)

  3. Penguin footie pajamas for a man standing 6’1" weighing 250lbs

  4. A bottle of chloroform (ether is also acceptable)

  5. Someone who wants to buy life insurance (ahhh, you caught me - this one’s for me)

  6. A “Barbie” style doll with male genitals
    Your help is most appreciated. Thanks!

#2

I don’t know who your girlfriend is, but you are definitely not spanking her enough.

#3

Don’t worry - already got my new whippin’ belt for the New Year.

#4

Behold, penguin footies in adult XL

http://www.snugasabug.com/family_chillypenguin.php

#5

The Bea Arthur cut out is something that I think every home should have.

#6

This site looks very crappy but they appear to make custom cardboard cutouts
http://www.incrediblegifts.com/stanbysec.html

So at least using “custom cardboard cutouts” as a new starting off point to get the Bea Arthur cutout may help.

#7

Here’s a very pricy Ken doll with junk:
http://www.batkatcreations.com/MaleDolls.html

#8

Wow! We’re really getting somewhere. I…I have to say I wasn’t expecting pubes on Ken, but I’m not sad about it.

(There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.)

#9

Bath squirters that I guess you could use for adult fun from Yo Gabba Gabba

Ten Inches of Vinyl Muno Doll

#10

chloroform or more chloroform or ether and more ether and yet more ether

#11

This place make hollywood cut outs, you should be able to get them to do one of Bea Arthur.

#12

Three days to accomplish what I couldn’t in three months - you guys rock. Thanks!

#13

Ken with pubes and a dick, a Bea Arthur cut out; who are you buying for, John Waters?