I paid monthly.
I was responsible for keeping my own room clean.
I was responsible for my share of household chores - dishes needed to be washed, dried and put away after use. There were three of us - once ever three weeks it was my Saturday to clean house - bathroom, living room, kitchen.
Food was owned - you put your name on it. Everyone had their own jar of jelly. You bought it.
My room - thirty years ago - was $200 a month.
I suggest you work out a contract with monthly rent and division of labor. Decide if food will be communal, if you want communal food, add food cost over the top of base rent. If you want Mom to do chores, add a cost on top of base rent. Be very clear - a fee for service on top of rent - e.g. I pay $XX a week for my mother to do my laundry.
It sounds to me like SirG is getting buy fairly cheap, living like a kid off Mom. And while he sounds like a hard worker, its time to stop taking Mom for granted.
I have a 3 bedroom ranch which I built a separate 2 bedroom apartment in the basement in 2006. I also rent out a bedroom upstairs with me. I worked for most of the time I raised my children. I NEVER collected welfare and I always found a way to keep them fed and a roof over their heads. They never knew I was making 12.50 hr for the longest time.
The details of financial/living/cleaning arrangements aren’t terribly important, although we can sit here all day and make specific suggestions.
What’s important is that neither of *you *are happy with the current situation. So that means it’s not working. You can either continue to do what isn’t working (which should tell you something about your long term prospects as a businessman) or you can sit down and work out a proposal and then give it to your mother and see what she thinks.
In fact, absent a neutral arbiter, I’d suggest you BOTH sit down, separately, and write down what you’d like to have happen, in neutral and specific terms. Not things like, “show your mother respect,” but objective, quantifiable goals, such as “You will call if you’re running 10 minutes later than expected getting home.” Not, “I will pay what I can,” but “I will pay in rent 15% of my monthly gross income as reported on my paystub.” (Or whatever, I just made those numbers up, but whatever you think is fair, if a fixed amount doesn’t work for you.)
Then you swap proposals and go somewhere separate to read them over. Mark them up, make red marks for things which are absolute deal breakers, yellow marks for things that need clarification or slight alteration, and green stars for things you accept unconditionally.
Get your own proposal back and see what colors jump out at you. Is it all red? Then move out. You’re too far apart to find compromise and you’ll just wreck your relationship arguing it out. Mostly green? Awesome, you’re so close I can taste it. Lots of yellow? Consider the compromises proposed and decide what you’re willing to compromise on.
You can do this. But you have to consider it the way you would a business contract, not a negotiation with your mommy for another cookie before bed.
SirGladstone, there are certain milestones a person is expected to meet before they are considered an adult. Miss some of them, and you’re not an adult. You’re just a very large child. It really doesn’t matter what the reasons are. You can regale us with tales of your mother being unreasonable, but from the point of view of . . . oh, all the adults in the universe . . . you’re making excuses. You’re shirking responsibility.
Owning a business is an admirable thing, but if you don’t have the very basics down - paying for food, shelter, and clothing - then it just doesn’t count. It’s not a job, it’s a hobby. If someone else is paying for your basics, you are not yet a grown up. You are a tall child running a fancy lemonade stand.
The thing is, this is very easy to fix. Either pay your mother the going rate for rent (check with a local real estate agent, don’t set the amount yourself) as well as your portion of the utilities or move out and get your own place. For your own sake as well as that of your mother’s, I strongly recommend you get your own place.
The benefits of this are multiple - it’s your place, so you can darn well leave the dishes in the sink if you want to, you’ll no longer have this icky, uncomfortable twist to your relationship with your mother, you’ll feel a sense of pride and ownership you’ve probably never known, you’ll feel even more pride in your business, you’ll notice that the people who know you will treat you with more respect (because you’ve earned it), and random strangers on the internet won’t (or will be much less likely to) call you names.
The downside? You’ll have less disposable income. It sucks, sure. You’ll have to create and follow a personal budget. You’ll have to limit things like eating out, going to movies, buying games, and taking trips. But you know what? Your mom has been doing that since she was fifteen.
I want to note that I am not that old and I remember vividly the days were I was having this same discussion with my parents.
To address the kid on this debate, pay your mother rent. You will be paying for your accommodations for the rest of your life so get used to it. In this case, rather than going to a landlord, it’s going to go to someone you love and who loves you (win/win). In terms of doing chores as some have mentioned, help out around the house because when you move out on your own, you will need to pick up after yourself.
No matter how smart you think you are at this point, you will never find a better deal out in the “real” world than you currently have at home. Enjoy it while you can.
I’m going to lock this thread, since we don’t allow real-life arguments to be fought here on the boards, even by people who joined for the specific purpose of doing it.
I understand Dr. Phil is always looking for guests, though.