Help me understand some things about homosexual attraction

In My Humble Opinion
61

Well, is masturbation as satisfying as having someone else do the exact same action on you?

I simply don’t get turned on by looking at my own body. In gyms it’s not like I stand around ogling the other women either. These are not sexual situations. If I did find it arousing to be in a communal changing room then that’d make me more uncomfortable than anything else.

My GF said the other night, not knowing about this thread, that part of the sexual attraction is that our bodies are similar - you can do this and know it feels like that. When touching the other person, we both often feel a corresponding sensation as if it were own body part being touched, as if it were like that spooky action at a distance thing,

But I think a lot of it is smelling right, feeling right to the touch (soft cheeks), and kissing right. All the things you get before the genitals are ever involved.

62

I don’t know the answers to your questions, but might offer some insight.

Like many straight people, I can’t really even imagine feeling attracted to the same sex (male in my case). This, to me, is the best argument that the “the gay” is NOT a choice. I think most homosexuals had exactly as much choice in the matter of gender preference as I did: exactly none. Which kind of speaks to your first point: Homosexuals are attracted to the same sex for exactly the same reason that heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex: Because that is the way they are wired.

To your second point: I myself ( a straight male, recall) am most attracted to “Butch-ish” women…or at least “Tomboy” types. Rachael Maddow, or maybe Ellen DeGeneres, only straight, and with red hair would be about what I would come up with if I were allowed to design the ideal woman for me. (Yes, I realize neither are very far up the “butch scale”)

Now there are many men, even straight ones, who are a lot more ‘fem’ than either of these ladies. Yet they hold zero, or even less than zero appeal for me.

It may be just knowing they are men. A few months ago a met a person who was either a fairly fem guy, or a fairly butch woman, and I really wasn’t sure which.(I posted about it somewhere on the board, can’t be bothered to search) I was attracted, but more so when I found out they were, in fact, a woman. If I had found out they were male, it would have been a total turn-off, I am pretty sure.

This isn’t about wanting to “convert” lesbians, nor join a threesome. The only time I have ever “hit on” a lesbian, it was without knowing ahead of time. I am not interested in changing them, and don’t really need the extra reason to be shot down. Still, they get me hot and bothered. There is just a certain type that attracts me, and about 90% of that type are lesbians. Thank Og for that other 10%.

All that said, I don’t require exactly this in a mate. I have dated some very “girly” women, and find things about them to enjoy. Just any time I see a female basketball player walk by, it is going to turn my head.

63

We heard a lot in these forums and I have had it told to me in life that homosexuals like the same gender not for their genitalia but for their gender specific character and traits.
In short, if a man had a vagina, a ‘gay’ man would like him more than a man with a penis.

This led me to conclude that genitalia is still very significant, from the physical/sexual/nature side of things - it’s highly desirable.
The interest in character/personality seems more to do with personal preference and style which is a choice and decision affected by both nature and nurture.

64

Did you mean to write, “more than a woman with a penis?”

65

I suspect (though I don’t know for sure) that Saraya meant what (s)he said: “if a man had a vagina, a ‘gay’ man would like him more than a man with a penis” because then said gay man would get to experience penis-in-vagina sex (which physically feels good) with someone he was actually attracted to.

66

If that is what they meant, then they are wrong.

67

No, I think Miller had it right. Saraya’s point was that gay men are attracted to masculinity more than to penises. Thus, one would prefer a man with a vadge versus a lady with a dong (but, generally, exceeding even either of these, one would prefer a man with a dee.)

I’m glad you like p-in-v and I wish you as much of it as you can stand. But, it’s just not my thang, knawmean?

68

Either way, it’s not the same for all gay men. I have stated, in this and other threads, that I’d rather have a man with a vagina than a woman with a penis. But I’m not speaking for all gay men. And I’m perfectly happy with my partner, who is an anatomically-correct (to say the least) man.

69

If a man has a relationship with a woman who has a penis, is he gay? What if instead of a penis, she has a set of those dildo panties or whatever they’re called? Is he straight now, or is it still gay?

70

See part of what throws me is that, while I am not attracted to women because of the vaginas, a guy’s penis IS one of the reasons I’m specifically not attracted to men. In fact, I’ve often assumed that what makes lesbians different from straight women is that they share this inherent revulsion for the penis of another man.

There was a recent post about a video from Hall and Oats where they try to be bisexual, but then, when confronted with a vagina, they a realize they are straight. Everything else feels the same up until that point. And I’ve also heard lesbians who admit they like being penetrated, but not with a penis. They specifically said that.

This led me to believe that genitalia is very important. Not necessarily in what attracts you, but is what doesn’t attract you. That some gay guys would love to find a guy with a vagina really surprises me. I would not love to find a hot woman with a penis.

71

Very true. I thought I knew a lot about gay people until a few days ago. I hung out with a bunch of gay men when I was in college in New Orleans mainly because they were completely hedonistic which attracted me at the time and they paid for everything when we went out. They knew I wasn’t gay and was never going to be but that didn’t stop them from trying. I was just the token decent looking straight guy that they loved to spoil.

The ones I knew were the local newscasters, influential businessmen, and extremely wealthy people of New Orleans society and few of them were married. The ones I knew would sleep with almost any man. Twenty years later, almost all of them are dead or in prison for something including the highest paid news anchor in New Orleans history who tried to bribe a 15 year old boy for sex with cocaine. He tried to do a similar thing with me so I wasn’t surprised.

That bunch in particular was the most homophobic bunch of people I ever met as odd as that may sound. They absolutely despised effeminate gay men almost to the point of violence sometimes. They called them ‘Nancy boys’ and were extremely hostile to them. There were usually some around because it was New Orleans but they had better know not to approach this group of gay men. They would have them instantly kicked out off wherever we were.

As for my side, I am not seeing the whole person argument. A chick with a dick is about as useless as anything I can imagine. I learned a few things in this thread but I am more confused than ever.

72

All of this is true . . . for SOME people. I’ve known gay guys who were fixated on other guys’ dicks, and nothing else. There are also gay guys who wouldn’t even touch another guy’s dick. Also guys who just want to get fucked, and guys who just want to fuck. And guys who just want to suck, and guys who just want to get sucked. And then there are the S/M and B/D crowd. (And I’m not discussing lesbians; they can speak for themselves.)

And yes, I’d rather have a man with a vagina than a woman with a penis. For me, “homosexual” means “attracted to the same gender,” not “attracted to the same genitals.” With a few exceptions, the only thing that interests me about another guy’s penis is the man behind it.

73

I have clearly been listening to the wrong albums from them.

74

I am a female bisexual.

I don’t like men because they have penises. I don’t like women because they have vaginas. If attraction was that simple, than why aren’t you attracted to ALL women? All women have vaginas. So why aren’t you attracted to all women?

I feel that this is less of a ‘why are gay people like this’ and more of a ‘why are Cishets* not like this.’

In my experience, LGBT realize they exist outside of normality, and are less likely to try to fit within normal criteria, whereas Cishets are more want to fit in.

When I started accepting my bisexuality, and I found I became more open to being attracted to less ‘conventionally’ beautiful people, both in regards to males and females.

*Cishet = Cisgendered heterosexual.