This is not an honest question, certainly not a Pit thread or a how-to primer. It is inspired by this Gays Who Don’t Engage in Anal Sex thread. I expressed my opinions speaking as completely straight male but it certainly wasn’t one of my better performances and I realized I am just as confused about how homosexual sexual attraction works as I ever have been. The summary of that thread is that homosexual practices aren’t a direct translation of heterosexual ones like many people assume they are.
I have two questions two questions based on this and I hope that nobody takes offense because they are real ones.
How are homosexual people attracted at all to people that have the same equipment they have. I think every straight male has wished they could turn themselves to an attractive female temporarily just so we could play with ourselves silly for a few hours. Gay people have that option but it seems like the effect would wear off quickly. I always thought as a heterosexual that the main reason I liked girls was that they had things that I didn’t but I guess that principle doesn’t hold for homosexuals. Why is that?
Why do so many homosexuals gender blur and why are some people attracted to that? I work with a lot of very butch lesbians who seem to be regular guys in everything chromosomal make-up. They have girlfriends who apparently like that style a lot.Why don’t they just go for petite males because the difference isn’t obvious to me. Likewise, many homosexual men pick partners who will grow to be the epitome of a housewife. What is the difference between the two?
I believe this stuff is innate and is hard to explain but any explanation at all is appreciated just to help general understanding.
I may not explain this very well, because I’m not sure I totally understand it myself. I am not attracted to another male because he has the same equipment as I. Rather, him having the same equipment is a bonus. FTR, I have never had an attraction to a female at all.
I wish Esprix were still posting. He had an excellent series of threads years ago ‘Ask the Gay Guy’ which went into great detail about stuff like this.
You might call up the threads and go through those as well as read the answers to your post.
Bob
PS - Thanks for trying to understand. Personally I don’t understand your attraction either.
Sorry, I am not sure where that came from. It is a couple of honest questions. I went to grad school focusing on the neuroscience of sexual differentiation but it is still a fairly primitive science so the only way to get high level answers like this to ask trusted sources directly.
I’m just wired to want to play with that equipment. I can’t totally rule out some element of narcissism, but for me the desire to please my partner is much stronger than the need to have my own orgasm. It’s not about the mechanics; it’s about the intimacy.
A friend of mine used to think (as, alas, many do) that being gay was a choice.
But one day, he got to talking to a gay guy – and actually paid attention to what the guy was saying. When the guy explained that women didn’t smell attractive to him, but men did, my friend woke up and got it. Gays are attracted to the whole gestalt of the same sex, exactly as straights are attracted to the whole gestalt of the opposite sex.
And, sure, some gays – just like some straights – find some emphasis in attraction in some specific characteristic. Legs, or breasts, or lips, or butts. Dashing personalities, or educated personalities, or cute personalities, etc. But ultimately, gay men love men; the whole manly deal, and gay women love women.
One gay friend of mine did observe the pragmatic aspect of love-making: since he knows what feels good to him, he has a head-start (pun intended) on knowing what probably will feel good to his partner.
How are heterosexual people attracted at all to people with different equipment than them? Honest question.
(BTW read your OP’s first sentence carefully one word at a time and you’ll see why someone later quoted it and asked whether you’re being sarcastic. There’s a pretty serious typo in it!)
I think that pretty much answers the OP. I’m attracted to the opposite sex, but not purely because the parts are different. And not to everyone with different parts.
Men are just attractive to me, as **Trinopus **writes, their smell is attractive, their voices, their arms, chests, bums, faces. Man: that’s what’s attractive. The fact that they have different parts is just bonus fun.
I am not, however, attracted to butch lesbians. You might think they are almost like men, but I don’t. They’re women. Shagnasty, as you’re wondering how that works: are you attracted to effeminate gays?
On the spectrum of men, I am attracted to middle-of-the-road men, not too “manly” (muscular, rough, sports fan, bleh). So of course people could be attracted to every variation within a gender. Perhaps if it were acceptable for heterosexual men to act as what we now call effeminate there would be women who would find that attractive. Who knows.
First of all, I’m only speaking for myself; don’t take anything of this as applying to anyone else.
The issue of other men “having the same equipment”: Months ago, in some long-lost thread, I was asked whether I’d be attracted to a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina. I answered that I’d LOVE to meet a man with a vagina. I think whoever asked the question was surprised. The thing is, I’m not attracted to penises, I’m attracted to men. I don’t take an inventory of a person’s parts, and then decide whether there’s any attraction. Instead, the attraction is something immediate and spontaneous, probably much the same as with you. And if I have to break it down, I can be attracted to someone’s intelligence or his voice or his nose or his fingers or his eyes or his sense of humor or his ass, etc., etc., etc. . . . but I don’t have to take an inventory to discover that I’m attracted to the MAN. And the fact that I also have all of these parts of my own, though different, is irrelevant.
As far as being attracted to things that are “different” is concerned . . . Imagine that you wake up tomorrow morning with a female body. And eventually, after you’ve spent time playing with yourself, you go out into the world. Would you all of a sudden be attracted to men, just because they have “different” body parts? No, your attractions would be exactly the same as they ever were. Your maleness and your orientation reside in your head, regardless of your physicality. And your feelings toward other people would also remain the same, regardless of your own “equipment.” You would always be attracted to women.
And as far as “butch vs. femme” is concerned, with me that’s also irrelevant. I’ve been attracted to either extreme and elsewhere in the continuum, and I’m attracted to the man himself, no matter where he is on that continuum. I think I’m in the minority in this issue; I get the impression that other guys have some kind of preference in this.
You asked why your “butch lesbians” don’t just “go for petite males because the difference isn’t obvious to me.” Well, there’s a whole world of difference to them. They’re attracted to women, not petite men. And assuming you’re attracted to typically effeminate women . . . would you be attracted to petite effeminate men, who at first glance may appear to be women?
I have trouble believing you’re attracted to the women you’re attracted to, certainly that you’re initially attracted to, because of their genitals. For one thing, under most circumstances you can’t see their genitals until the attraction has progressed far enough for the two of you to get in bed.
As others have said, my attraction to men has little to do with their genitals. For one thing, as panache45 alluded to, not all of the men I date have similar genitals: some are trans men and some are non-trans (cis) men. I’d say that I’m attracted to more or less the same things in trans and cis men, with genitals not being a big part of that picture. I mean, I’d better like his genitals if he’s going to invite me to spend time with them, but that has rarely been a problem.
In any event, it’s difficult for me to say what precisely it is I like about men. It certainly isn’t the way most men are socialized to act in our society; men who emphasize a loud, aggressive attitude, who gauge everything they might do or encounter by how masculine it is, who put too much emphasis on sports, etc., generally make me uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I’ve been attracted to men with a highly masculine appearance and to men with a much more feminine appearance, at different times.
I don’t provoke the same sensations in myself from morning compared to night, and I don’t even mean in a masturbatory sense. Every day parts of me react to things in new and different ways. If you really become conscious of how your body moves and interacts, the simple act of getting out of bed becomes a new experience every morning. So, I’m hardly going to tire of men simply because on a very general level we have the same parts. As others have said, it’s not just the penis, it’s the musculature, the way the body fat is arranged, the smell, the way testosterone has shaped the vocal cords and facial features, the way a man’s hands are always warm and never cold, and that’s only a smattering of the physical attributes that go into the attraction, much less anything emotional or intellectual.
To add: The movie The crying game is illustrative. A good movie on its own.
Matt: You describe the sort of attitude/behavior you’re not attracted to. Is the attitude/behavior only negatively defined?
May I pile on a related question? Do gays need to make an effort to switch off attraction in public showers or other instances of public nudity? I understand that some shower takers may be unattractive and not require any special effort. but what about the ones who are attractive to you?
I don’t know if this is facetious but it’s because their different equipment gives me a place to put MY equipment. Which is why it seems befuddling to some that there would be gays not interested in anal sex since the primary heterosexual male interest in the vagina is that you can put a penis in it.
Sure, but there’s a difference between thinking “Hey, cute genitals” and assuming that the person has the standard equipment to accept your genitals.
You worry me. It’s not like I, or anyone else is swimming through a constant sea of horniness and just seeing a naked butt sends us into throes of erotic desire. I mean, I’m a huge tit man. Nicely sculpted pecs are absolutely riveting and yet, I manage when at the beach or the pool to not just stand there, masturbating furiously.
