Help me understand why some people let themselves go.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This has been on my mind for quite sometime, but another thread about developing a medical condition is what finally got me here to start a thread about it. The phrase that intrigued me was:

I guess I can’t relate to, and therefore don’t understand, why one would choose to lead a sedentary lifestyle if they have a weight problem and a fondness for junk food. Or why one would indulge in one’s fondness for junk food if one has a weight problem and leads a sedentary lifestyle. I know that some people have problems and can’t help it if they gain weight, but this person seems to not only be cognizant of the fact that s/he has a problem, s/he almost seems to revel in it. I honestly don’t get it.

In addition to letting oneself go by all but purposely gaining lots of weight, I don’t understand why some people leave the house looking so. . .sloppy, I guess would be the best descriptor. I don’t so much see this at the school my son’s currently attend, but at my son’s former school, a lot of the Moms would look so bad when they’d drop their kids off. They’d have on ratty sweats with bedroom slippers or gross sneakers, threadbare shorts and decades-old, yellowing t-shirts–just foul-looking. These Moms didn’t just stay in the car, either, they’d stand in the playground until the bell rang signaling the children could enter the school. In all honestly, I would not have been surprised if I’d learned they’d just rolled out of bed and got in the car to take their kids to school.

This isn’t about not caring what other people think, either. I don’t think it’s that simple. I say that because I don’t care what people think about my appearance. I wear what I like to wear, regardless of what people think (and I’ve got the paisley cords and Hank Williams t-shirt to prove it, too). I was raised to make sure I look presentable whenever I leave the house. If I was off from work on a day I had to drop my son off from school, I’d make sure my hair was combed, my teeth were brushed and I had on something decent–a pair of jeans and a sweater, a denim skirt and a t-shirt, a pair of chinos and nice hoodie, or something along those lines–nothing fancy, but nothing gross, either. At first I thought maybe these people didn’t allow enough time in the morning to groom themselves, but I see people like this at the grocery store, sometimes, too, so I don’t think that’s the issue. At least, it’s not necessarily the issue.

So, help me understand this mentality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating every woman, for example, should be a size four and ensconce herself in Robert Rodriguez ensembles whenever she leaves the house. I know not all people are like this, either, but I see and hear about enough who are, so I’m trying to understand those who let themselves go. I find it especially puzzling if the person who’s let his/herself go is married. Why wouldn’t you want to look good for your spouse, of all people?

Finally, this is emphatically not a rant. I don’t want it to escalate into a platform for bashing people. It’s really just a plea to help me wrap my brain around behavior practiced by a subset of society that I just don’t get.

2

I’ll posit an answer. If you like junk food and stop being active you get fat. Once you are fat, breaking the cycle is very hard. It is like giving up cigarettes.
I speak as one who was active but likes junk food and I am now fat. Additionally my method of handling stress seems to be to eat Ice Cream.
Additionally being fat decreases my energy. So exercising is harder.

Jim

3

Why?

I’m not married, but I’d imagine that if the person who sees me naked, sick, farting, vulnerable and horny (maybe even at the same time) cared about how I dressed, they wouldn’t be my spouse.

I see this from the opposite perspective than you. Why would I change just to drop a kid off at school? Who am I changing for? What do I hope to accomplish by changing? But even easier, “Why don’t I just not change at all?”

4

I’ll give this a go. I’m slim now. I work out every day and I watch my intake very carefully. Right now, I’m basically in the same position as you; when I think about it, I don’t get it either. Why would you do that to yourself?

And yet, less than a year ago, I was putting away whisky like it was going out of fashion and eating whatever I felt like, even though was overweight and knew I easily gained weight. I just didn’t care - no, that’s not even the right word. I didn’t even think about it. My extra weight was just there and I didn’t really think seriously about getting rid of it. My thoughts didn’t go any further than “it would be nice to be thin”.

It’s kind of like smoking, I guess. I don’t get why anyone would smoke, knowing what it does to them. But I don’t get why anyone would drink either, and I do that on occasion. And I don’t get why you would eat junk while leading a sedentary lifestyle, but I did it for the longest time.

It’s not rational, I suppose. It comes down to humans being strange creatures, capable of the most astounding mental acrobatics.

5

Inertia.

6

Incredibly low self-esteem? I am working to better myself but it’s pretty hard. Most of the time I think I don’t deserve to look good or feel good. I deserve whatever judgements people may pass on me for being fat and ugly. Because I’m fat and ugly inside, so why not outside as well?

I wouldn’t say everybody hates themselves, because it’s probably mostly laziness. But some of us just don’t see why we’re worth dressing up and looking nice (I think I’m getting better at it, though).

7

Ok, I’m going to attempt to post this from my Blackberry…

Wow, Alma, that’s pretty darn sad. Thanks much for your very honest answer. I’m glad you’re working on it and good luck. Everyone deserves to look good! Except zombies. They don’t deserve anything.

8

Not even brains?

9

It’s not just those with low self esteem who let themselves go. I know atleast two people who have let themselves go to the point of endangering their health, because their loving friends and family have convinced them that they are the most wonderful people on earth and should eat what they want because the bigger they are, the more there is to love.

I wear comfy clothes at home, but I wouldn’t be caught dead in public, looking sloppy.

10

Maybe you just hit a point where you don’t care?

I will admit it; I’m pretty obsessed with how I look. I don’t talk about it; you’ll never catch me twinkie-ing about how my hair is, like, sooooo frizzy today and my skin is like, not glowing at all and my gym pants just do not cut the right lines, ugh. I don’t dye my hair the latest colours, buy all this season’s clothes, or care that I’ve been using the same makeup palette for the last two years. Though my jobs demands I dress a certain way that’s not flattering on certain body types. But I have a certain standard for appearance. My weight, for example. It’ll stay under 120. That’s my rule. If I’ve been lazy and drinking too much and not sleeping enough and not taking care of myself and it starts to creep close to that mark, boom, I start to worry and get myself to the gym til I feel comfortable with my body again.

Now, what if I was having waaay too much fun partying, and gained 10 pounds, and hit that mark? But what if I didn’t care enough to stop? Or say I got really sick and couldn’t excercise very much? What if I didn’t really care when I hit 120 pounds, and then didn’t really care when I hit 125 pounds, then all of a sudden I weighed 130 pounds? Now, that’s not a lot. It’s probably not even overweight. So maybe I’d let it slide, and I’d think, why go to the gym? Do you know how much work it would be to get rid of 15 pounds? It’d take forever!

That’s my worry. I don’t want to let myself go, even a little bit, because I’m not exactly strong-willed and a little bit would probably turn into a lot. I have low self-esteem, so if I don’t look a certain way, I feel like crap. I think other people with low self-esteem feel like crap, so they think they deserve to look like crap.

11

I used to be like that. I didn’t care. I was single, and wasn’t looking for a girlfriend/wife. I weighed 425+ lbs. I ate what I wanted because I liked food. I was told many times that I would die early because of health problems caused by my weight. My thinking was why deny myself the stuff I like so I can live longer denying myself stuff I want longer. Would rather live short and happy than long and unhappy.

My thinking changed, and I lost the weight. I am now at 235 (was down to 211 at one point). Two years ago I was living at home working a dead end job. Playing video games all the time, and never going out. Now I have lost almost half my body weight, joined the Army, and have just pased my 1 year basic graduation date. Got married, and living in a foreign country on my own. I still play video games all the time tho :smiley:

I could not go back to the way I was, but I do understand the thinking. They just don’t know, and more importantly don’t care how much better it is when you take time to look good(at least IMHO). I still wear tshirts and jeans all the time, but they arn’t dirty torn ugly clothes. I keep em clean, tuck my shirts in, make sure it looks good. I enjoy dressing up with a shirt and tie, but don’t have enough to do it all the time.

They need a reason to change. Your reasons don’t work for them. They need to find their own reasons. Alot of people change when they find out they are going to die if they don’t change. Didn’t work for me. Some change when they start thinking they are a loser still living at home at 24 with no chance of moving out anytime soon. Didn’t change me. I didn’t care what others thought of me at all. My life changed when I met a nice lady. I lost the weight, and started dressing nicer. After she left me I realized I felt better this way, and stayed with it. I met a new and much better lady, and got married. Our 1 year anniversery is comming up.

Not sure if that will help you understand, but I am willing to answer any questions you have about how I used to be. Just ask.

-Otanx

12

Ok, I’m going to attempt to post this from my Blackberry…

Wow, Alma, that’s pretty darn sad. Thanks much for your very honest answer. I’m glad you’re working on it and good luck. Everyone deserves to look good! Except zombies. They don’t deserve anything.

13

I used to be Mr. Fitness and activity, although I have always liked unhealthy foods. The last few years I’ve given up on the activity and let myself eat whatever I want mostly.

In my case, I just feel the best years of my life are behind me. I’m single with no plans to enter any more relationships. I’ve done a LOT of cool things in my life -some of them most people will likely never do. So I feel I’ve had a good run. While I don’t necessarily want to die soon, I also don’t really care how long I live.

Perhaps this is an odd attitude for a guy of 35, but it’s how I feel.

14

Depression is a part of it for many people. A lack of energy/motivation is actually a survival instinct in depressed people. It keeps them away from harming themselves- which requires a lot of energy. The apathy that keeps you from changing out of your pajamas is the same one that keeps you away from the razor blades.

15

I would say Lazy and not low Self Esteem for me. Except for my weight I am okay with myself. Strangely enough I had Low Self Esteem when I was younger, but it wasn’t weight related.

As far as sloppy, when I still thin I loved wearing tie dye shirts and Jeans or shorts. So I guess I would have looked sloppy to you back then.
Now I am usually in Business Casual shirts and Dockers. Times change.

Jim

16

You know, when I said laziness earlier I think I meant indifference. Laziness has all kinds of negative connotations. I know some people who just don’t care, and while they don’t really look bad (I think people who are significantly overweight probably have some problems beyond indifference), they could look really good if they wanted. I know a guy who thinks that looking good makes people who aren’t worth your time pay attention to you.

17

I don’t have an eating problem, but I do wear sloppy clothes to work and don’t really care how I look as long as I’m clean. I’m with Troy McClure SF; I don’t see the point in dressing up just to drop a kid off at school. Who’s going to see you? And even if they do see you, why should they care? And why should my SO care how I dress? If you love someone, you shouldn’t care how they dress, because anything they wear should be beautiful to you because they’re beautiful to you (this would apply more to LTRs than date situations, then again I dress down for dates and haven’t heard any complaints). My thought is, strangers shouldn’t care what I dress like because they don’t even know me, and anyone who loves me should love me regardless of what I’m wearing. There are very few situations where I feel compelled to doll myself up.

Or maybe I’m not understanding what you mean by crappy clothes. I almost always wear a black or dark-colored sweater or sweatshirt, jeans or corduroys, and oldish sneakers. I do comb my hair (though it’s in a “messy cut”) but I don’t wear makeup. Is this worse or better than the people described in the OP?

18

Jeans and T-shirts does NOT = sloppy. That’s what I wear 80% of the time. But they’re clean, and they fit. To me, sloppy means stuff hanging out, stains, and clothes that were meant to be worn at home.

19

I was raised to always look decent and presentable. By “raised” I mean that my mother often emphasized the importance of appearance. But how does that saying go? You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink?

Every day for the past two-and-a-half months, I’ve been working out in the Everglades. I wear chest waders but inevitably my clothes get all filthy and wet. I wear a sun hat that makes me look crazy (and because of issues with “hat hair”, I usually keep it on), and usually I’m dressed in old discards from the Goodwill.

After work, I sometimes stop by the grocery store to pick up dinner. I know how awful I look, but the alternative is to drive home, shower, dress, and then drag my tired body out into the world again. Why would I do this, when it’s leagues easier just to stop by the store on my way home? Why bring inconvenience into my already hectic life, just to impress strangers who I may never see again?

Even when I don’t have work as an excuse, I don’t have a problem putting on a pair of grungy sneakers, wrinkled jeans, and holey t-shirt and going out in public, as long as I’m not doing something formal. My style is the “dressed down” look, It’s not so much that I don’t care how I look, it’s just that I don’t want to look like I do care. The more raggedy and haphazardly put together the outfit, the better. Perhaps I haven’t grown out out of my rebellious phase.

20

I’m telling your Mom.