I composed this earlier today and put it in my LJ because the subject that inspired the rant knows about SDMB and knows my ID here (although I have had no indication that he reads here regularly). I’ve decided that since the likelihood of him reading it is small, and it’s something that I feel strongly about, I decided to rant to a wider audience after all…but oh, how I wish SDMB allowed sock-puppets right about now.
So anyway, I went to lunch yesterday with a few people in my department, including my department manager (who I will hereafter refer to as R). R is generally a pretty good guy, but he has some habits that really get under my skin, the worst of which is his complete disdain for anyone he perceives to be overweight. Being that I am overweight myself, you can imagine how this makes me feel.
Anyway, to the point of my rant. The place we went for lunch was the Chinese buffet. I was almost immediately reminded why I loathe going to the buffet with R, despite the fact that this buffet has the best selection in the area and is generally a good place to go for lunch. The reason I hate going with R is because as soon as we get there, he immediately starts in on how many fat people eat at the buffet, and how he hopes they leave some food for the rest of us.
This is offensive on so many levels, I can barely articulate it. But I’m going to try.
To give you some specific examples, while we were at lunch yesterday, a group of 3 ladies sat down across from us. They all appeared to be middle-aged, and two were at least moderately overweight. One of the overweight women was handicapped and was using one of those rolling walkers. When they were seated next to us, R laughed and said “Here comes the buffet brigade.” When the handicapped woman came back to her table, he made some sort of snide comment about how her walker didn’t appear to be impeding her ability to carry a loaded plate. He also commented to us that perhaps her handicap was a result of her legs giving out from being such a big fat pig.
I stewed all the way through lunch, barely participating in teh conversation. However badly I wanted to flip out on this guy and start ranting about how ignorant his remarks are, the fact is that I work in a small department and I can’t really afford to stir things up. So here I go.
My rant. Please hold the applause until the end of the piece. Thank you.
There are a thousand and one reasons that any individual may be overweight. We all know that when you come right down to it, the root cause is that any given overweight person has obviously been habitually taking in more calories than they’re expending. Just why this is a crime worthy of sneering disdain to some people is beyond me.
The reasons for this “calories in/calories expended” imbalance are legion. Perhaps (as is most likely the case with this woman) the person has a handicap that makes it difficult or impossible to get any significant exercise to offset their eating habits. Maybe the person has a hormonal imbalance (thyroid, PCOS, etc.) that affects their metabolism. Maybe the person has an extremely stressful schedule and can’t find the time to exercise properly. Maybe the person is on medication (steroids, etc.) that caused a sudden weight gain. Maybe the person’s doctor asked them to gain weight to better be able to handle the rigors of treating cancer with chemotherapy.
Or maybe the person is already on a diet. Perhaps that overweight women with the walker has been dieting for 2 years to get where she is, and used to be twice the size she is now. Maybe she’s out celebrating a weight-loss goal she’s achieved. Maybe she hasn’t made any progress in a year and she decided to splurge for once.
Or maybe she just eats poorly and hates to exercise.
I could go on and on, but the underlying point is that NO ONE knows the life story of the overweight people that we see. NO ONE’s weight problem is ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!! Someone’s weight problem does not make you a superior person for being more dedicated to controlling your food intake, or having a better exercise regimen, or just flat out having a more efficient metabolism. Where the fuck do people get off deciding that people with less than perfect bodies deserve your outright scorn and derision? That they deserve to be mocked and laughed at, to have every mouthful of food they consume be scrutinized, to not even be able to go to a restaurant and eat in fucking PEACE because someone is offended by the fact that they just don’t look as good as someone around them. Why do you get to judge? Do people like R honestly think that A) the person in question is ignorant of the fact that they’re overweight and B) has never done a thing in their entire life to try to change it?
I’m so fucking sick of hearing people say “Well, if so-and-so is unhappy being overweight, why don’t they just eat less and exercise more.” Gee, thanks. Why didn’t anyone think of that earlier? The diet industry will be SO GLAD that there’s finally a solution for all of these poor fat people. The truth is, it’s not always that simple and it’s not always that easy. Even for those that dedicate themselves to it, success is not assured. Those who try and fail repeatedly often seem to actually wind up slowing their metabolism even further and actually make it increasingly difficult for themselves to succeed in subsequent efforts. And for those who do succeed, depending on where they started, the journey may take several years. And during those years, they continue to be under the microscope of people who still believe that it’s entirely within their rights to laugh and poke fun at people they know nothing about except for what they see.
And all that they see is that someone is unacceptably overweight. No history, no explanation, no credit given for being in the midst of a Herculean effort to finally, once and for all, look normal. Nope. You get no credit whatsoever until you succeed in conforming to the ideal in the mind of people like R. Yet apparently, according to people like R, the overweight should stop eating entirely until they’re within the bounds of acceptable appearance. To show their face at a buffet where they have unlimited access to an array of food is a veritable affront to the sensibilities of those with normal bodies.
I’ll say it again. How someone looks is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! None. Not one iota. You don’t know what has transpired in the life of any individual you seem to see fit to mock, you don’t get to judge that which you know nothing about.
I can’t take it any longer. Unfortunately, the best thing it appears that I can do at this point is to just stop going to lunch with him. I’m not sure how R thinks I’m supposed to react to these little diatribes. I hate to hear what he says about me when I’m not around. I’ve been so tempted to ask him whether he’d be making those unkind remarks about me if he didn’t know me and happened to see me at the buffet that day. I suppose that maybe, just maybe, since he’s seen my own struggle to lose weight (and I have lost some), I get bonus points even though I haven’t totally succeeded. Since he knows me personally and has witnessed my efforts to lose weight, I get to be in his version of weight-loss purgatory…I’m not totally a big fat pig who has no self-control, because he’s seen otherwise. One would think that witnessing my own difficulties over the past 2 years would give him some perspective and empathy for others, but apparently not.
The irony here is that R went on a diet about 2 years ago and lost approximately 50 pounds. He has also since gained about 20 of it back. I guess I expected a little more empathy from someone who has been significantly overweight himself at some point in his life, but apparently his judgement of others shortcomings doesn’t extend to his own experience. I additionally expected that someone who’s been successful, yet is still battling his weight, to be even more poignantly aware that the battle never ends.
I give up. It’s obvious that with many people, you just can’t win.
