Help me with some statistical humor

Tomorrow night, the College of Medicine is having its annual Lampoons, a night devoted to pointing out the foibles in med school life and the idiosyncracies of our faculty. (Not to mention getting really drunk.)

I am the unofficial “Class Statistician”, and as part of our bit I am showing a slide show of statistics from our first two years of medical school. For instance, we have spent 1635 hours in lecture, and each person has received approximately 10,730 pages of lecture handouts, for a class total of 1,000,680. I am trying to come up with some bizarre comparisons for these numbers. For instance:

–If we cut all that paper into 1/4" strips and put them end to end, they would reach 5907 miles. Distance to the center of the Earth: 3981 miles

–Trees that had to die to print our lecture notes: 12.4

–If one person spent five minutes a page reading all those notes, it would take him nine years, six months, and 22 days.

Others include what it would cost to print that at Kinko’s, football fields, etc.

Any suggestions? The more bizarre, the better. They don’t have to be accurate, but they probably should sound it.

Dr. J

Not a statistical joke so much as a regular joke. . .

“We spent 1,635 hours in lecture. It only felt like 5,000.”
– Sylence

Too late for your needs, and not really what you’re after, but:

Definition of a Statistician:
Someone who can put their head in a hot oven and their feet in a bucket of ice water and say “on the average I feel fine.”