UPDATE: I spent the afternoon (all day, really) with Mary Lou and her husband and her oldest son–my ex, whom I’ll call Buzz.
TLDR: it was GREAT! Buzz had taken over and he will do fine!
After lunch at the house with ML and hubby, Buzz and I went off to Denny’s for coffee and pie and to discuss what has to be done. He understood completely and is 100% on board. He is prepared to be her advocate and Knight in Shining Armor. I am so relieved. He understands about the state program and the documentation she needs. If he has to, he will go to the doc’s office and sit there til they produce the letter. He understands the need to look into getting on Medicaid. He gets that a therapist would be good but we don’t want to shove too much at Mary Lou too fast. We are completely on the same page about the tasks and their priorities. Fortunately Mary Lou has PLENTY of money, going into this.
We had a great conversation apart from talking about his mom’s woes. It really reminded me why I liked him so much back then. He has always held me in high esteem, and we could always talk on the same level. Our breakup was painful but amicable-- one of those “we can be friends but can’t live together” things, and also he was desperate to get out of Texas. He is deeply in love with his wife of 35 years and is very happy and I’m delighted about that.
I will say that Mary Lou looked more faded and droopy than she did when I last saw her two weeks ago. Not lopsided droopy (as with a stroke), but like her mouth is receding into her face. Buzz is really afraid that she will slide into deep depression without mental and intellectual stimulation, and that is a real danger.
Buzz did talk to her doctor and the root cause of the blindness was vasculitis. Apparently she had a very bad headache on a Friday, but didn’t go to the doctor until Monday. If she had gone earlier, she might not have lost ALL of her vision. I gave some advice along these lines to a Doper the other day (I think it was @squeegee about his foot). You don’t ever want to hear the words, “If only you had come in sooner.” Apparently there is some nerve damage due to lack of blood supply, but it’s not clear how much (if any) damage there is to the optic nerve itself. Sorry, I’m telling this third hand, and badly.
Could not have gone better. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. Thanks to everyone here for your comments and suggestions. I’ll update from time to time if y’all are interested.