I come to you, the SDMB, for help. If any of you Dopers could help me remedy this problem, I’d be ever so appreciative. Very grateful indeed.
I can’t remedy the situation, but I do have the qualifications to join your little club. 
If In Consequential is anywhere near Mpls, maybe I can be of assistance.
Okay Cosmopolitan, but you have to be second in line. Deal? After all I’m not only President of this club, but I’m a member too.
In Consequential is near anywhere you want it to be.
/me feels the shiver of delight tingling up his spine!
Well, there’re no gorgeous men chasing after me, either… that I know of… so I guess I’m in the club, too.
W00t, as they say.
Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
I’m also in the club.
Can I be sergeant at arms?
What if the gorgeous men have pitchforks and torches? Do you still want them chasing you?
I’ve heard of your little club, and I am most anxious to join.
Zebra, pitchforks and torches are fine. At least with me.
That tingle won’t be confined just to your spine…
Rug Burn, we’ll need you to be more specific. Whose back do you have?
amarinth, you’re not gonna carry…guns or anything are you? We make love, not war, in this club.
Zebra, you already know the answer to that. Definitely.
Hummmmmm
Lsura, jazzmine some pitchforks and torches and me.
A guy could have a pretty good time Vegas with that.
Wait, am I too late? I make some great oatmeal raisin cookies, if that helps sway opinion enough to let me join. Because I’m definitely lacking in the georgeous-men-chasing-after-me department.
Psst, jazzmine, turn around.
<- <- <-
shiver
what a delightfully almost naughty tease of a thread, says rubes as he struts down the catwalk
Is that shiver- cold, shiver- freaked out, or shiver- excited. Any response can be dealt with. You can borrow my jacket, I could take off the mask, and, well…
I think (I’ve never been s-a-a, I just think it’s a cool title) that I get to be in charge of general order and equipment. So if gorgeous men do decide to chase us, directing the chase to appropriate field conditions. And making sure that pitchforks are as pointy (or unpointy) as the person being chased wishes them to be, or that any other equipment is ready and available for those members who may wish to use it.
thinks about whistling at rubes but then realized that would sort of defeat the purpose of the “after me” part of “There’s no gorgeous men after me.”