Black Jewish Lesbian Republicans ONLY

The BBQ Pit
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Also, no airline pilots, no automobile mechanics, no people with bald spots on the backs of their legs. No cat lovers, no plumbers, no fucking civil engineers. No Duke fans, no Schlitz drinkers, no people who wear John Lennon glasses, and absolutely no one who likes that idiotic TV show, The Weakest Link. (Hell, that show is the weakest link in the TV schedule.)

People who eat lobster, stay away. People who buy those weird flavors of Kool Aid, outta here! (Cherry and grape are okay, obviously.) People who prefer Yamaha over Suzuki, get the hell out. Weirdos who prefer Miracle Whip over mayonnaise, don’t even think about it.

Go away, Faye. Leave, Steve. Piss off, Christophe. Fade, Wade. Fly, Di. Depart, Bart. Sally? Go forth! (Sallies don’t even deserve a rhyme. Who the hell would name their kid Sally? Why not Dick? Why not Great Whore Jezebel?)

No people with multi-line signatures, no people who hang their toilet paper the wrong way, no menstruating women, and no phlegmatic temperaments. No Indians, no Icelanders, and nobody, I mean nobody, from Malaysia.

Is that it? I reckon that about covers it. Oh, wait a minute… No friggin’ moderators except Ed Zotti, Tuba Diva, Gaudere, David B, Arnold Winkelried, C K Dexter Haven, Manhattan, Chronos, JillGat, Czarcasm, TVeblen, Eutychus55, UncleBeer, Coldfire, Lynn Bodoni, Alphagene, and John Corrado! But none o’ the other ones!

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Okay, also, no people who view without posting.

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Woohoo. A clan of people that I can relate to, finally. However, I must be certain. What is the correct way to hang toilet paper? I don’t want to waste your time or mine if you’ve got it wrong.

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No Maltese men.

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Oh, fer cryin’ out loud… over the top, man. Over the friggin’ top. People who pull toilet paper from the rear are, well, you know… let’s just say oriented differently. And people who hang it vertically??? Oh, the shame!

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Back in high school, some friends of mine wanted to create a club so they could get together and goof off during the monthly “club time”. They called their organization the Disabled Black Jewish Lesbians for Puerto Rican Statehood.

Dr. J

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No people who disagreed with me in the Why does religion make us so uncomfortable thread.

No people who wax nostalgic about high school.

And, come to think of it, no people who have to ask what’s the right way to hang toilet paper, dammit.

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I went to high school with a kid who was half Vietnamese and half West Virginian. He called himself “purple” (instead of black, white, Asain or whatever).

He used to run around screaming about “purple power” and how all us whiteys were the devil. He vowed that he was going to find other purples and they would then revolt. He was a pretty funny kid.

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Thanks to lagging boards, I didn’t know my waxing was not welcome before I posted.

Or maybe I did it on purpose.

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Hey, I know how to hang toilet paper correctly. Believe you me, I hang toilet paper with the best of them. How was I to know that you weren’t a dreaded rear paper hanger?

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You mean people with toilet paper hanging out of their rears?

I hate those guys, too…

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No people who complain about board speed or feign ignorance about waxing.

No people who accuse me of rear-hanging.

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No people named after string instruments.

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Well it looks like I’m still in. There is only one thing that would make this club perfect…No libertarians, nobody with any political affiliations whatsoever.

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What about people who don’t know what “ROFLMAO” and “YMMV” mean? Fuckers. I hate them.

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No people who can’t take a hint.

No friggin’ AUs (acronym users).

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And for the love of God, absolutely no elected members of a federal, or state, legislature. You city council members are probably okay, though. It’s likely I can afford to buy a couple of you guys if I really need to shut you up.

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No foreigners who could maybe pass for American. Y’know, those sneaky folks who look and sound a-l-m-o-s-t like good old red-blooded yankees. You know who I’m talking about. Shiftless Canadian bastards. Get lost…(eh).

And no lefties.

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I, of course, have my toilet paper going the right direction. All 1380 rolls of it.

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And none of those people that double post either, urgh, why can’t you just say everything in one message!