I’m getting a baby unicorn this weekend but I’m freaking out because I don’t know what to feed it or how to take care of it. I can’t find anything on the web, wtf? You guys know all, what do I do?
Unicorns eat rainbows.
sigh
You’re one of those idiots who impulse buys a widdle baby unicorn because they look so cute, right? And you figure, you’ll keep it in the spare bedroom, you’ll give it some industrial-grade glitter- or worse, household scraps- and it will stay small and cuddly and be your best friend, right?
WRONG! Unicorns need at least an acre of roaming space, regular grooming, and fresh glittergrass. They get BIG- they’re freakin’ horses with horns!- and they can’t be housebroken. They’re NOT beginner pets- personally, I don’t think they should be pets at all. They’re dangerous for non-experts to handle- and I’m going to take a wild guess that you’re no expert.
Leave the unicorns for the zoos, and get a goldfish.
It’s kittens. They never tell you that at the store.
What if the OP is a virgin?
Your soul.
Little children.
They eat ears of corn. At least 5,000 a day. How do you think the got their name?
Per Legends of Tomorrow, hearts.
Damn, no wonder the shelter is getting suspicious about all my adoptions.
Maybe posting in public about acquiring a rare, endangered species isn’t the best move. Are they even legal to keep where you are? As far as I know it’s only legal in Nevada, Texas, Alaska, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming in the US, and none of those have a year round climate conducive to keeping one alive for their natural life span.
Little known fact: Skittles were originally manufactured to be unicorn chow, and were marketed to unicorn ranchers under the name Unicorn Chow[sup]TM[/sup]. Then one day a man named Don Skittles discovered they’re delicious to humans too. And the rest is history.
They eat magic beans (see “Jack and the Beanstalk”) which accounts for all the unicorn farts I keep hearing about.
Since only virgins are safe from unicorn attacks, I assume they eat non-virgins.
I thought it was eat kittens and shit rainbows. 
I always assumed they ate vegetation. Mostly vegetation best smoked by us mere mortals.
You can feed them regular horse feed. Just add a scoop of rhino feed for the horn.
Pink crystals sauteed in sunshine.
Dennis
They’re carnivores, so fresh dragon meat is ideal.
No, they fart rainbows.
squish7, didja get horn polish?
Do not eat the pink crystals sauteed in sunshine unless you have someone assigned to watch over you for the next 3 hours.
Or so I’ve been told.