Them there is water unicorns.
Ass. Of both genders.
…Wait, shit, wrong unicorns.
Didn’t look at the warranty, did you?
I don’t blame you for not knowing, it’s actually not well known, but unicorns eat shish kabob. It stems from their natural hunting habits. First, one of the herd will stab the prey, often in the throat or some place else to cause massive blood loss. The unicorns will then follow the blood trail at their leisure until they find the nearly dead animal and proceed to chop it into bloody bits with their sharp hooves. Then they’ll roast the meat with jest of flame from their nostrils and skewer bits with their horns and feed them to each other.
Look at it? Sure. Read it? How could I, the whole thing was written in 4 pt unicorn font. They do that crap on purpose.
They… they have cockroach food. Who in the world deliberately feeds cockroaches? :eek:
I know, there are probably researchers who need to keep their cockroaches healthy and happy, but still
Unicorns are wild and have never been successfully domesticated. For those who attempted this only a horse was left, there are plenty of resources as how to feed your horse. A unicorn needs to be free and will find the food it needs.
They eat Lucky Charms marshmallows. Not the cereal itself (they prefer grass to the oats) but just the marshmallows. Amazon.com
Its right there in the name. Uni-corn. One corn.
Sheesh. How easy can it get?
Get yourself a big bag of Purina Unicorn Chow
Ralston Purinma really did make a variety of “chows” for different animals:
It’s reasonable to believe that, in a world with unicorns, they’d make Purina Unicorn Chow. Probably came in a bag with a rainbow-colored checkerboard pattern in the corner.
Saw this in a Walmart this weekend. Not sure if it’s food or a suppository for a constipated unicorn. 
They also owned Jack In The Box in the 70s and early 80s. Explains their tacos.
What are fast food tacos if not assembly line people chow?
It’s probably really “Bachelor Chow”
And Ralston-Purina also once owned Checkerboard Farms, producers of Chex breakfast cereals (once limited to Corn, Wheat, and Rice varieties). So, Chex Party Snack Mix would appear to be an acceptable proxy for Purina Yuppie Chow.
One of my favorite oddities: Ralston-Purina still makes “Chex”-type cereals. They are sold as store brands and such. So the box with “Chex” on it is not the real “Chex”.
You can still make Chex mix with Ralston-Purina ingredients.