OK, I need some help with finding either a come-back line or a pre-emptive line from some famous play or movie.
Situation: My mother-in-law, a few months shy of 90, has never been able to admit that she sometimes forgets things. (The forgetfulness has become worse in the last year or two, which is why this crisis has grown.) So, we tell her that we’re going on vacation at the end of August. We get to mid-August, and we give her a list of where we’ll be and how to reach us, and she says, “You never told me you were going on vacation.” We say, “Yes, we did.” She then says [ready for it?]: “Don’t GASLIGHT me.”
OK, the ref is to the famous Joseph Cotten/Ingrid Bergman film where he’s trying to make her think she’s going crazy, by denying what she sees and hears as being hallucinations. (I don’t know why I’m spoiler-tagging this, I think it’s so well known as to not be necessary, but what the heck.) Where was I? OK, so her line is obviously a conversation-killer: there’s nothing that we can say back. “We’re not GASLIGHTing you”? Lame. And doesn’t get around the insult implicit in her accusation.
So… dear friends of Cafe Society, knowledgable in movies and theatre and situations and quotes… We need either a comeback line, or some pre-emptive line (when we know her GASLIGHT accusation is coming, to head her off at the pass.) Best would be a situation where the villain is deliberately lying, over and over, to put blame on someone else. I’ve thought of Iago, but that’s not really the same – Iago just plays upon Othello’s own weakness. I need someone where the villian is just out-and-out lying, deception rather than egging on.
The less attractive alternative would be a character who is either pretending to be senile or crazy, or actually IS senile or crazy. “Don’t pull HARVEY out of a hat on us”… ? Weak.
But what if you come up with something really appropriate but she doesn’t remember Or hasn’t seen the movie? The poor lady is 90 years old, let her think you’re gaslighting her. It’s probably better than being forced to admit you are losing your memory. By the way, did she mention the movie Gaslight? The phrase seems sufficiently established that she may not even associate it with the movie, so when you come back with your one-liner, she may require an explanation.
If it were a new phenomenon, I agree, we’d just put it down to denial of her own senility. But she’s been doing it for years and years and YEARS and year. And she clearly knows the movie.
The only thing I can think of is some sort of reference to Rashomon, since that film famously involves more than one person having different rememberances of events.
And is it sad that “the jerk store called- they ran out of you” was also the first thing I thought of?
Make that four; it’s the first thing to pop into my head, too!
But seriously, I think you are being mighty insensitive to the poor woman. Instead of trying to one-up a nonagenarian, how about coming up with a scheme to help her remember stuff? Like a chalkboard in her kitchen, or a big calendar, or whatever? There must be tools for dealing with this kind of frailty.
“Don’t GASLIGHT you? I’m sorry, Mom, I’m unfamiliar with the term. What does it mean?” Let her take as much time as she needs to explain it, then keep refusing to understand her point.
IOW, GASLIGHT her.
Oh, and give her your plans in writing when you tell them to her.
